Om Namah Shivaya


Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I'm reminded how this cancer has stopped my life to an extent...

I can't get pedicures or manicures until I'm done with chemo, and it's such a pain in the arse to do it yourself,

I can't eat at a buffet until I'm done at chemo (although I must admit that outside of GC's Sunday Brunch and Mandarin Chinese's buffet I'm not really a fan of them anyways),

I can't go to public pools until I'm done with chemo, which by that time I'll be done with pool's anyways. Thank goodness our next door neighbor, Pete, has a pool and lets me use it whenever I want!! *I gotta buy him a six pack...don't let me forget* :)

I have to avoid large crowds so places like movie theaters, worlds of fun, concerts are probably not a good idea,

and I missed my childhood best friend's wedding. Laura and Dan were married on Monday and I wasn't there to see it. I was supposed to leave on the 5th with my folks and drive to Portland where we were to meet up with my sister and brother-in-law a week before the wedding to just hang out and have fun. There was also some wedding business to attend to because my mom made Laura's gown, and my bil and sis were the photographers ( check them out, they're damn good at what they do).

This was really going to be the first vacation I'd taken in a couple of years. The last one was a couple of spring breaks ago when I went to hang with Julie and Kurtis for a week. I was really looking forward to it then *BAM* all this cancer BS comes raining down. I even thought for weeks that we'd still be able to go. "Surely we can start chemo after I get back...on the 15th". hahaha! Uh, no. So I wrapped my head around the fact that I wasn't going to be able to go to Portland and see Laura (who was really like the little sister I never had...don't know if she ever knew that or not) get married and was okay with it. Then I had to miss her trip to Lawrence for her dress fitting. *damn* That sucked. I'd come to terms with letting GC go, letting going to the wedding go, and was looking forward to going to Lawrence for the day to see her, catch up on old times and "Drink Tea and play Washingtonopoly" *smile*, then fate stepped in and said "No, you cannot go!"

So I got over that, then I started getting picture messages from my sister from the wedding. Today I followed a link on facebook, to some pictures of her wedding taken by a friend of theirs. She is an absolutely stunning bride and I really wish that I could have been there to see her get married. I wish that I could have shared in their joy as a family; they were a second family to me growing up. I wish I could have met her husband, seen them interact and watched her face light up with joy at the mention of his name.

I know that we lost touch once I went to college and followed life down my path while she followed life down hers, but...she's still Laura. She's still that girl who would play mermaids with me in their pool, playact a seance in the dark, and drink Jolt cola till we thought we'd vibrate off the floor while playing Dungeons and Dragons for, what, 24 hours straight? *I'm sure the amount of Jolt cola we drank during that adventure has jittered my memory of it, ha!* She's the one I worked with at Free State Brewery who showed me a different side of life and taught me to let go. She was the one who came running with ice cream and hugs when Greg and I broke up in college and I thought my world had ended. She has grown into a wonderful, beautiful woman who is surrounded by people who love and cherish her. I'm just sorry I had to miss it. Damn cancer. ;)


  1. *tears*

    I was just checking in on your blog/life to see how everything was going and didn't expect to see this heart pouring!

    You're too sweet. Love you!