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| afternoon snuggle nap |
Ugh, is it really that time already? I'm ready but I'm not. I want to go back, but I don't. I'm okay with it, but then I get sad. What am I talking about? Going back to work and placing my little JP in Lauren's care during the day...Friday.
:(
I know he'll be taken care of very well, but how can you, as a mother, be okay with basically saying to someone else, "Here. I want you to snuggle my little baby all day, feed him, change him, and watch him grow"...you can't really...but you have to be. Logically I know he'll be fine. I know he'll miss me, and I'll miss him, but I also know that he'll be happy to be back in my arms at the end of the day and I'm sure once we get into the day in/day out routine of it all I'll be glad to be back at work and be thankful for all of the love, attention, and growth he is going to get from Lauren and her family.
*sigh* It just makes me sad.
I could play the game of "Had I never" all I like going as far back as college to change my situation. Had I never racked up all that college credit card debt, had I never added too it when I got my first job, I'd be able to stay home longer on unpaid leave because I wouldn't be paying off debt.
Then there's the doozie..."Had I never gotten breast cancer, I would have had enough sick days to stay home till January"...but you can't play this game with that one now can you. That's not fair.
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| morning snuggle nest |
SO...instead, I stare at my dining room table as I slowly accumulate the things that need to go over to Lauren's to ensure his, what, his growth? Stability? Love? Cleanliness? Happiness? and it makes me sad to see that pile growing knowing that in three short days I will be dropping his snuggle butt off at her house at 630 in the morning, knowing he's going to go into his morning sleep and she'll get the benefit of those snuggles instead of me :(
I'll just have to get them back in the afternoon when I race out of school to go pick him up and scoop him up in my arms. I only hope he smiles and coos at me when I see him for that first time. I hope...
The most important thing to remember through this whole experience...it's like Fight Club: the only rule is that there are no rules. (lucieslist.com). This could also say "The only rules are the baby's rules" *laugh*.
We are settling into this parenthood gig rather well, and thankfully have reached the 6week milestone where, *supposedly*, his periods of fussy crying are starting to decrease, which is fantastic. Not that it's a bad thing for him to fuss, it's just hard when we can't fix the problem, and as Tim says, "I don't like it when he cries". I will say, however, that I am reading him a LOT better than I was even last week. The easy one is "HEY! Mom! I'm hungry!". The second cry I've deciphered is the "WHERE DID YOU GO?! I need you!" and/or "WHERE ARE YOU?! I need some snuggles!!" He also has a fake cry already, which I find absolutely hilarious, and of course there is the "I just need to cry and there's nothing you can do to stop me"...although I employ the tight hold/head jiggle maneuver, *or* plop him into the moby wrap and that settles him down within minutes everytime. #mommywin.
I'm also beginning to get a feel for his "schedule". Note I said, HIS schedule, not mine. To be sure, I've read many books that spout the benefits of putting him on a "strict" schedule and sticking too it no matter what. I've also read about the benefits of "on demand" and have decided on this...JP knows what JP needs when JP needs it and I can try all I want to adapt him to *my* schedule, but in the end it's going to be on his time.
Thankfully he's like me and has a penchant for order. I can now anticipate when he's going to be hungry, and when he just needs some snuggles (430am anyone?). I know how long he can stay awake before getting overstimulated & consequently overtired, and when he needs to go down for a nap.
We are also rolling over! How exciting is that?! He's gonna be mobile in no time and I can't wait. Enjoy the video!
So, six weeks in and many more to go. Enjoying the ride every single second.
Happy Six Weeks JP!
