Living in Gratitude

I am so very truly blessed with my life.  I see that now and immerse myself in the gratitude that comes with it. 

I am grateful our water problems were not as worse as others this past weekend/week

I am grateful for a very pleasant weekend with both my boys at home

I am grateful for the ability to buy good food for my family, clean, and prep it to make it even easier to choose to eat

I am grateful for friends joining the cause

I am grateful for only four more days of school

I am grateful I truly survived, moderately successfully, this school year on my own managing 4 different ensembles and 2 general music classes.  More greatness planned for next year.

I am grateful for said survival and the ability to look at what I can, should, and need to change

I am grateful for a gorgeous day.

**********
Find your own gratitude on facebook: Living In Gratitude

My Affirmation Challenge

A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of speaking with our family naturopath for a "medical intuitive" session.  I had absolutely NO idea what this would entail.  What she told me and what we talked about has definitely made me think about a lot of things and turn inward more, listening intently to my inner peace.

My sister and I have also spoken, on numerous occasions, about the Laws of Attraction (think positively), and through my 8-to-Great training (choose thoughts that feel good), I have come to really believe in this.

So when this floated through my FB feed,

http://themindunleashed.org/2014/03/10-powerful-affirmations-can-change-life.html

I decided to make a challenge to myself.  One affirmation per week for 10 weeks.  Repeated daily whenever needed but always first thing in the morning.  It's amazing, 2 affirmations in, to notice how I can affect my mood by simply saying these words to myself.

My goal is simple.  To say the affirmation daily for the week and to note how I feel and what, if anything, has changed.  So here is my account of Affirmation #1, "Today I am brimming with energy and overflowing with joy".

I began my challenge with this statement because it's the end of the school year and everyone, and I mean EVERYONE at my school is beyond exhausted.  It's been a challenging and eye opening and experience FULL year for me.  One that I know has truly changed me, my teaching, and my views on what I do.  Yet I'm tired.  So very tired.  I spent so long in high school and elementary that I never had the blessings FULL experience of working with middle schoolers.  I've heard folks say it's the most challenging age to teach, and true to form I didn't fully believe it till I experienced it myself. 

So in light of the remaining couple days *cough 9 cough*, I focused on this one to help boost my energy and mood.  And you know what????

It worked.

I had more energy last week than I've had in a while.  I said the affirmation first thing in the morning, become more and more still with each repetition.  I practiced a heart searching yoga practice each morning and arrived at school calm and ready to tackle the day when a few short weeks ago it was with trepidation and exhaustion over what the day would hold.  I found myself repeating it through the day when challenging situations or students presented themselves and felt a shift through me that made me feel like it'll be okay and I can tackle anything.

I'm also following the advice given to me in my session to shut off my third eye completely at night by placing something cold on my forehead and listening to a meditation.  I started the recommended melatonin and bought some chakra oils I've had my eye on for a while for the 3 chakra's I need to work on.  It has been a pleasant experience so far.

This week I am working with "my body is healthy; my mind is brilliant; my soul is tranquil", and in the midst of cleaning up the water in our basement after last night's storms, it has placed a calm on me and made me realize how this situation is only temporary.  Many people we know, including my parents, best friend, and other friends have struggled and continue to battle water in their basementa.  Their houses still stand. They are still able to enjoy life.  It's only temporary.

So I leave you with those thoughts of "what if I said these words to myself? How would my life change?" Take the opportunity...change your life.

Thank you

On my birthday, I simply want to say Thank you. 

Thank you to life for the lessons I've learned. 

Thank you to my friends who have been there through my good times and not so good.

Thank you to the opportunities that present themselves daily to me that give me the chance to shift my mind.

Thank you to my parents who have given and continue to give so much in love and support to not just me but my family as well.

Thank you to my sisters who provide a lens to look through that is colored with their wisdom and experience, and for the love they provide.

Thank you to my teachers past, present, and future who have challenged me, supported me, and helped mold me into this 37 year old version of myself.

Thank you to my bestest friend of 22+ years.  Without her friendship I wouldn't be half the woman I am today.

Thank you to breast cancer for touching my life and showing me what's really important.

Thank you to my husband whose love, support, and grumpiness truly make my world whole.  Without him I would most definitely not be who I am or have what I do, today.

Thank you to my most precious son, JP.  Everyone says it and you never believe it till it happens but he truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Thank you for opening up my awareness to life around me and for showing me what true, palpable, unconditional love is.

Thank you to all my students, past, present, and future. The lessons you all teach and have taught me on a daily basis outnumber those I teach and have taught you.  Thank you for molding me into the teacher I am today.  I look forward to how you will change me moving forward.

Thank you to Aubrey for the medical intuitive session a few weeks ago.  I look at my picture and read my notes daily to discover ways to change and release my yoke so the true change may occur.

Thank you to our creator and all divine spirits that reside above for instilling in me a sense of peace and clarity that can only come through knowing you.

And finally, thank you to me.  Thank you having the grace to age confidently and the knowledge to change when necessary. 

Sleeping in the big bed

I certainly hope my sweet little boy begins a turn around here soon. This waking up in the middle of the night yelling for me and needing water,  juice, or a hug is fatiguing this already exhausted mama.

Part of me says to just plop him in our bed from the start because he does the best there and will sleep all night long but the other part says this is just a phase that soon will end and that I need to stick to the routine of shower time and jammies with daddy then rocker time and stories with mommy followed by snuggles and transfer into his bed 

Or maybe it's time to turn his bed into a toddler bed so we just start there and I can slip out instead of jostling him around from rocker to crib. I don't know. What I do know is that my energy levels are in the pits and this can't continue much longer without me breaking in some way.

Which won't be good for anyone.

So here's hoping the three, 2 hour naps I received last night are enough to power me through my day.

My no - poop king. Is cows milk to blame?

My poor punkin. I've had enough. I can't watch him go through the misery of passing boulder sized poops anymore all for the sake of the comfort and security of cows milk whenever he wants. So I'm trying a new line of attack. Below is the post I just put up on my "Living a toxic free life" page on Facebook. I'm crossing everything that the choice I made Friday night will turn my little boys issue into a distant memory.  It does help that I read this article today...

http://kriscarr.com/blog-video/dairy-free-diet-recipes/

And it helped quell my panic that the world is not ending. It's just changing into something I already know is healthier for us and in the end may result in sneaky ninja poops from my toddler which would be a welcome respite.

So. Enjoy all I have here. Want to join my group? Go find it on Facebook and request admittance. It's still developing but I pass along lots of great information that everyone should know.

https://www.healthyhomecompany.com/product?ProductId=29296

This week I'll be focusing on a product I'm hoping will help my JP, for lack of a better way to say it, poop easier. You see, ever since we switched him over to cows milk at a year old he's had pooping issues on the constipation side. It does seem that when we limit his consumption of cows milk he does much much better. However, he can still get backed up and experience episodes that involve much screaming, bearing down to where he almost pukes, complete with crying screaming and sweating.

It's not a pretty picture and certainly not a happy time. I feel so badly for my little boy and am determined to get to the bottom of this.  After the episode on Friday that resulted in some dry boulders (yeah make that a nice visual in your head), and a scary time for Nama, I've done some reading and have decided the first step is eliminating cows milk entirely.

The next step is looking for a product such as OneBode Flo, linked above, that will help him break down food and digest it better and give him a probiotic boost.

I will tell you I haven't purchased it yet as I am awaiting a response from its creator, Tylene A Loomer and healthy home partner to see if this is right for our boy...however from what I have read and others who have suggested it, it seems to be a good shot idea in addition to eliminating the cows milk.

Happy reading!!

Take a stand! This is NOT okay!!

Unless you've been living under a rock tucked back in the furthest corner of the deepest cave, you know the battle that is waging against GMO's right now; but in case you are completely unaware, let me enlighten you a smidge.

GMO's are bad.  Bad, bad, BAD.  In a nutshell, these pesticides are the reasons why our children are hitting puberty at such young ages.  They're the reasons for the scarily dramatic increase in not only childhood cancer but chronic health issues in general (asthma, skin disorders, autism, Cardiovascular disease, the list goes on and on).  GMO's are the reason, in my opinion, this nation is going to hell in a hand basket because they're affecting our brain chemistry as well and turning us all bsc (bat sh!t crazy).

PLEASE. Watch this: http://www.doctoroz.com/episode/new-gmo-pesticide-doctors-are-warning-against

And this: https://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D7X22zEKet-g&h=9AQFlJytQ

And sign this: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/demand-president-step-oppose-epa’s-approval-new-24-d-resistant-genetically-engineered-crops/sy38Vm0s

We can NOT continue to be the government's guinea pigs. We must take a stand and tell them NO MORE!  Please. Do it. Join the cause.

Toddlers and Tantrums, oh my!

We have officially entered into the world of "Toddler Tantrum Olympics" and boy howdy is it swell.  He is so full of emotion and language just busting to get out that he gets frustrated so easily and I must remind myself to guide him gently through this turbulent world of toddler-dom as he rails against the boundaries set for him by life and mom.

It's amazing watching this little baby grow into this munchkin midgie that stands now, in front of me. His blond hair and brown eyes; infectious grin and carefree laugh.  The words tumbling out of his mouth so excited is he to tell me what he has to say. I so wish that I spoke his language right now, but I will wait and be patient (as I ask him so often to do) until he learns mine.

He is officially calling his blanket by its given name. Dex. It's quite possibly the cutest thing I've seen yet. Every day, sometimes every second, new words tumble out or old words in a new combination come to life and he looks so proud as he hands me the fruit snack he has been holding onto for an hour that is now sticky and covered in dog hair, and says "You. Momma."  How can you not take it?

I love it. I love him. I love it all. The tantrums, the squeals, the love, the tears, the snuggles...The exhaustion of chasing someone around who has more energy than I've known in a looong time.  I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow...

11 years of teaching...

9 more days until my 11th year of teaching wraps up. I honestly can not believe it. It does not seem possible yet here I am staring down the home stretch of my 11th year. Wow.

So many changes have taken place in my personal life and the biggest one in my professional life is on the horizon. It's really really official now. I've signed the contract. I'm gathering the necessary info I need and making purchases for next year. I am, for real, teaching band AND orchestra next year and I couldn't be more excited and scared at the same time.

I know I can do this. I know I have a LOT to prove, mainly to myself but also to others, however I don't think I would have been given this assignment were there any shadow of a doubt in any of the higher ups mind's about me.

This is truly MY time and I intend to run with it and rock it out like no other. This is truly a spontaneous evolution about to take place and I hope you're along for the ride.

Post-it, anyone?

Ever since this crazy journey into parenthood began, I find I only have time for the basics of my life and blogging apparently has not been one seeing as it seen almost a full year since my last post. 

I mean. Let's get real. The most I write daily are the continuous passes on post-its to the bathroom and the nurse for my precious forgetful students who are navigating the perils of middle school.  

Yet here I find myself after a long hiatus with a head full of things to say, changes taking place, stories being rewritten, and not a post-it to be had.  Funny how life can change in the blink of an eye, isn't it.

18 and a half months ago JP changed our world forever and brought us to a place I never imagined, yet I hoped for, and one that I don't think I'll ever understand again because it's so amazing and confusing and frightening and exhilirating all at the same!  

Now, once again my professional life is changing and I couldn't be more thrilled, trepidatious, scared, overwhelmed, and pleased all at the same time.

I say "most likely" because even though the rumor was confirmed, I still don't have a contract in my hand so I don't want to get to far in, ya know?

However...

I am most likely embarking on a journey that is shall test me like never before.  I most likely will be teaching a full class load of strings *and* band...with the potential of no travel.  

Say what. 

Am I *FINALLY* being given the opportunity I've been aching for, for over a decade?  Have I finally been recognized as a strong, competent, organized, successful teacher?  Or is the power of my daily illusion in full force. 

This is going to be my time to shine. My time to prove to MYSELF that I can do this and I can do it well. Time to rid those whispers in the corners of my mind and do what I know how to do so well. 

Teach. 

So there it is. A new chapter is being formed and we have so many good things to look forward to. Our little boy is growing strong and racing towards 2. Our marriage and relationship are approaching significant milestones. We have been through so much and have come out stronger on the other side; and my career is taking yet another twist. 

I can't wait to see how it all plays out. 

The kindness of strangers

Approximately seven months ago I stumbled upon a group of ladies from a birth board I frequented on a regular basis. We all had just had babies around the same time and the majority of us are first time moms with some veterans sprinkled in for sage advice. 

The bond we have formed has taken us through drama, pain, tears, frustrations, joys, happiness, fears, and elation at watching all of our babies grow up "together". 

I go to these ladies whenever I have a question about JP, need to vent about life, have a joy to share, and of course to check on them and share in the never ending conversation. 

These ladies are a never-ending source of inspiration and support for me, one I didn't even know I needed, and for that I am eternally grateful. 

To know that these women live inside my phone and are there 24/7 for me no matter what, is a kindness I will never be able to repay. 

These girls, women, mothers, pulled together and gave me a birthday present I was never expecting. From the kindness of strangers a gift I am undeserving of but am deeply grateful for. 

This group...my group...our group. We are powerful, we are women, we are mothers, we are friends. For their kindness, friendship, and support I am undeserving yet forever grateful. 

I love you all. 

Goodbye to my dream

I've said goodbye and its not easy to do. I've swallowed my pride and put my dream aside to take a different path. Had you met me ten years ago, this direction I am taking, I would have scoffed at. I would have said "You're crazy! I'm not going to do that!"...but time has worn me down and I have realized its for the best. I didn't land somewhere with someone who would help me realize my dream and I let to much time slip away from me as I stewed about in a pool of frustration day in and day out.

I bit my tongue, I hid my face and silently prayed for the day that would be mine. I prayed for a time for me to shine and to do what I knew was best, but it wasn't to be. For whatever reason, the divine spirits that reside above have seen fit to push me down a different path and while I am grateful for the opportunity, it's extremely sad to see the dream go. 

"Think positively" they say. "Don't give up" they yell. "Your time will come" they champion; but what they don't know is that it's passed me by. I feel it, deep down inside and I know it to be true. 

Maybe I should have studied harder in school. Maybe I should have finished my Master's degree before taking that first job, maybe I should have subbed for a while. Maybe, maybe, maybe. All the maybes in the world won't change the fact that my dream is now an empty whisper thrown to the winds and gone just as fast. 

My heart breaks and my soul cries right now and that's okay. I am allowed to grieve because no one knows how much it hurts except me.  No one will ever know the heartache, the tears spilled silently behind closed doors, the frustration pounding in every fiber of my being, or the overwhelming sense of loss I feel. 

I know that in the end it will be okay and I will continue to do wonderful things and touch many students lives in the process; but maybe, *just* maybe this new path will take me to where I want to be. 

I certainly hope so. 

He sleeps...

He lays on me, his second nap of the day, deep in sleep while the clock ticks. It's almost time for bedtime routine when his sweet clean face will gaze with wonder as I read his books and make funny noises, then the squeals and squawks begin as he knows his food is near. The light goes out, the sound machine takes over, and his contentment oozes out like a palpable blanket that descends upon us both. Slowly his hand finds my face and squeezes lightly as his other scratches against his chest...he likes the noise.

With vigor he eats then abruptly stops and nuzzles into my chest, sucking his lips and cooing to himself. He finds my heart and places an ear, what a familiar sound it must be to hear.

Slowly he descends into sleep as I rock us both in steady cadence to the rhythmic thumps I give to his back. All the worries, all the frustrations, and all my cares simply disappear as I hold my son while he sleeps. I know tomorrow will be more of the same highs and lows that come with this pint sized package nestled snugly against me, even now as he takes his evening nap.

This little person who has turned our lives upside down and inside out is the best thing to ever happen to us. The love I have for him is deeper, broader, and fuller than I ever imagined and I wouldn't have it any other way.

This woman

The house is so quiet as the snow falls outside. My son sleeps heavily, making snuffling noises as he rubs his face into his bed. The warm coffee caresses my throat as I savor that first delicious taste. My husband works for the safety of others but I wish he was in bed next to me instead.

We've been married almost 8 years, this man and I, and it is remarkable to think of the journey we have been through so far. Lesser couples would have crumbled. We have persevered through our trials and come out stronger on the other side.

My son whimpers. I freeze, eyes glued to the monitor. Is he waking up? Part of me hopes so. Part of me hopes to enjoy this little slice of solitude a while longer.

He fell back asleep.

This man with whom I have chosen to spend my life with I have not always been fair to. I've looked at him with contempt and through the lenses of "how inept can you be", but I have also seen him through the viewfinder of pure blinding love, and see the goodness rooted deep inside. His gentle nature, his need to take care of us, and his need to be taken care of. His smile, his warmth, and his laugh can be strangers at times but when they decide to show up they are ever so welcome to stay.

My son and my husband. My husband and my son. Two men who complete me. Complete our life. They give me a purpose and a reason for existing, for drawing breath. My husband hears my heart from the outside, my son knows it from inside. No-one can ever know me better. No-one can ever complete me more.

The silence continues. I take another taste of my coffee, and as the warmth slides into my body I sit back and realize how very lucky I truly am because I am a woman who loves and is loved in return.

It doesn't get any better than that.

A new year with new adventures

**Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013!!**

As we move on into this new year, as always, it's a time to reflect, reorganize, and figure out what intentions are to be made for the new year.   

 

2012 brought us, of course, the greatest gift we have ever or will ever receive; our son, JP.  He is now 3 and a half months old (15weeks 2days as I type this), and is on the move...for the most part.  He's rolling over both ways, trying to sit, waving his arms, kicking his legs, jabbering up a storm, and playing with his play gyms like nobody's business!  




 


His face lights up and he smiles when he sees us, and our hearts burst with love when he laughs at our antics.  He's growing into a little person and it is breathtaking knowing we were granted with this precious soul to guard, nurture, and love. 

  








JP is truly amazing, and we are both thoroughly enjoying him, and our evolution into this new role as parents.  I'm grounded, I'm centered, and I'm present.  This is what it's all about folks.  This is what it's all about.  Bring it, 2013...I'm ready...*we're* ready.

Three more days with my little JP...

afternoon snuggle nap

Ugh, is it really that time already?  I'm ready but I'm not.  I want to go back, but I don't.  I'm okay with it, but then I get sad.  What am I talking about?  Going back to work and placing my little JP in Lauren's care during the day...Friday.

:(



I know he'll be taken care of very well, but how can you, as a mother, be okay with basically saying to someone else, "Here.  I want you to snuggle my little baby all day, feed him, change him, and watch him grow"...you can't really...but you have to be.  Logically I know he'll be fine.  I know he'll miss me, and I'll miss him, but I also know that he'll be happy to be back in my arms at the end of the day and I'm sure once we get into the day in/day out routine of it all I'll be glad to be back at work and be thankful for all of the love, attention, and growth he is going to get from Lauren and her family.

*sigh* It just makes me sad.

I could play the game of "Had I never" all I like going as far back as college to change my situation.  Had I never racked up all that college credit card debt, had I never added too it when I got my first job, I'd be able to stay home longer on unpaid leave because I wouldn't be paying off debt.

Then there's the doozie..."Had I never gotten breast cancer, I would have had enough sick days to stay home till January"...but you can't play this game with that one now can you.  That's not fair.

morning snuggle nest

SO...instead, I stare at my dining room table as I slowly accumulate the things that need to go over to Lauren's to ensure his, what, his growth?  Stability?  Love? Cleanliness? Happiness?  and it makes me sad to see that pile growing knowing that in three short days I will be dropping his snuggle butt off at her house at 630 in the morning, knowing he's going to go into his morning sleep and she'll get the benefit of those snuggles instead of me :( 








I'll just have to get them back in the afternoon when I race out of school to go pick him up and scoop him up in my arms.  I only hope he smiles and coos at me when I see him for that first time.  I hope...

      

A glorious six week ride...

The most important thing to remember through this whole experience...it's like Fight Club: the only rule is that there are no rules. (lucieslist.com).  This could also say "The only rules are the baby's rules" *laugh*.

We are settling into this parenthood gig rather well, and thankfully have reached the 6week milestone where, *supposedly*, his periods of fussy crying are starting to decrease, which is fantastic.  Not that it's a bad thing for him to fuss, it's just hard when we can't fix the problem, and as Tim says, "I don't like it when he cries".  I will say, however, that I am reading him a LOT better than I was even last week.  The easy one is "HEY!  Mom!  I'm hungry!".  The second cry I've deciphered is the "WHERE DID YOU GO?! I need you!" and/or "WHERE ARE YOU?!  I need some snuggles!!"  He also has a fake cry already, which I find absolutely hilarious, and of course there is the "I just need to cry and there's nothing you can do to stop me"...although I employ the tight hold/head jiggle maneuver, *or* plop him into the moby wrap and that settles him down within minutes everytime.  #mommywin.

I'm also beginning to get a feel for his "schedule".  Note I said, HIS schedule, not mine.  To be sure, I've read many books that spout the benefits of putting him on a "strict" schedule and sticking too it no matter what.  I've also read about the benefits of "on demand" and have decided on this...JP knows what JP needs when JP needs it and I can try all I want to adapt him to *my* schedule, but in the end it's going to be on his time.  

Thankfully he's like me and has a penchant for order.  I can now anticipate when he's going to be hungry, and when he just needs some snuggles (430am anyone?).  I know how long he can stay awake before getting overstimulated & consequently overtired, and when he needs to go down for a nap.   

We are also rolling over!  How exciting is that?!  He's gonna be mobile in no time and I can't wait.  Enjoy the video!

So, six weeks in and many more to go.  Enjoying the ride every single second.  

Happy Six Weeks JP!

 
 

We're still married and he's still alive! *High Five!*

Sept. 21st, 2012

I jest, I jest....but not really *laugh* 

We *have* made it one month into this new journey called parenthood, are still married, and our little boy is still alive, seemingly happy, fed, diapered, and clothed.  That's quite an accomplishment!  Of course there have been a few meltdowns, on both our parts, a lack of sleep, a constant worry over whether or not we're doing the right thing, fussy times, and the battle marks of spit-up and pee...*but*... more importantly there's been laughs, smiles, tears of joy, snuggles, and moments of triumph to make up for it all.  It's been fabulous.  As for the next month, I look forward to every curve ball that being a FTM/FTP wants to throw at me.  I may cry, or I may power through, but I know this too be true...I'll do it with Tim by my side and our families one step behind and we'll figure it out.  So let's get rollin' on this next month, Punkin'!  I'm sure it's going to be glorious :)

Oct. 21st, 2012

    

"Baby wants what Baby wants when Baby wants it...

and it's your job, as parents, to figure out what that is."

These were words that my oldest sister said too me the other day on the phone when I called in tears because I wasn't sure I was doing the right things for JP.  I was concerned that he wasn't getting enough visual stimulation, or tummy time, or awake time, or sleep time, or, or, or...I mean, come on, let's get real.  What FTM (First Time Mom) *doesn't* worry about these things?  Do I *truly* believe that I am going to somehow emotionally, mentally, physiologically, or educationally disable my child?  Of course not, but as a FTM I want to make sure I'm doing the right things for him.  

These words have stuck with me.  Her following statement of "try this, try that, and try other things, then if that doesn't work put him in the car and go for a drive.  Give him a change of scenery, sometimes that's all they need" have stuck with me as well.  It's true.  nothing is going to work the same way twice.  Sure, the "5 S's" (Swaddle, Side, Swing, Shush, Suck) are proving to be *extremely* useful and work about 90-95% of the time, so it's that tricky 5% that we have to try everything else.

Is he hot...undress him.

That didn't work...

Is he cold?  Dress him again.

That didn't work either...damn...
 


Change the diaper...offer him food...employ the 5 S's...walk around...sing...jiggle...put in swing...take out of swing...give him a pacifier...give him a bath ...go outside...come inside...turn him over to other parent...leave him alone...pick him back up...try to snuggle in bed...try to snuggle in the chair...try...try...try...

The calm after the cranky

The bright spot too it all?  SOMETHING *will* eventually work and we will have tamed the savage beast for the moment.  This morning when he was cranky from 4-630am it took Tim turning him over to me around 545, I plopped him into his swing which worked for about 20minutes.  He then started fussin' again so I swaddled his tiny hiney as tightly as I could, held him as tightly as I could, jiggled him as "vigorously" as I could while "SHHHHHHH!"-ing right in his ear and within moments he relaxed and within minutes he gave me the contented sigh.  I then maneuvered both of us into the chair, covered us up with blankets, positioned the pillows and we both slept.

For half an hour.  *laugh*

He then woke up because he was hungry, which I had anticipated before drifting off so it was okay.  I fed, burped, and changed him, then we both fell back asleep until 9am.  Successful mommy moment.  Then this afternoon after his 2o'clock bottle, he wanted to be cranky and the only thing that worked was holding him up on my shoulder, patting his back, while bouncing up and down and "shhhh!"-ing in his ear.  He then quickly let me know, after I put him down to give myself a break, that the ONLY PLACE he wanted to be was on my chest and so up again he went.  He was gracious enough to give me enough time in his bassinet to go upstairs and grab some food and scarf about half of it down before he started grumbling, saying too me "Hey.  Mom.  I want to snuggle...NOW!" *laugh*  And so here we sit, finally.  He is sleeping comfortably on my chest and I am enjoying all the wonderful smells and sounds that go along with that and wondering what will work the next time he gets cranky.

Only JP knows, and he's not tellin' anyone...at least not yet. ;)    

Happy 3 weeks JP. You are my everything.

3weeks

Happy 3 weeks to our baby boy.  This song describes exactly how I feel.  Love you.

"You Are" by Carolyn Dawn Johnson

 

The sunlight on my shoulders,

the smile on my face.

My secret weapon, 

my favorite place.

The reason my heart skips a beat,

the broom that sweeps me off my feet.
 

A gentle inspiration,

my weary soul's salvation, 

the half that makes me whole. 

The gravity that grounds me,

the arms I want around me,

never letting go.
 

I've lived, I've lived enough, 

To know what is, and what's not.

You are...you are.
 

All the love I wanna make,

Every breath that I wanna take. 

The rush that's runnin', down my spine.

The touch that takes me every time.

 
An innocent seduction, oh I can't get enough and,

can't help but let it show.

I lose all my composure, I'm totally exposing   

the reason I let go... 

I've lived, I've lived enough 

I know what is, and what's not. 

You are...you are
 

My every hope, 

My every dream, 

You are my everything!

I've lived, I've lived enough,

I know what is, and I know what's not. 

You are...you are...you are
 

The sunlight on my shoulders,

the smile on my face.

My secret weapon,

 my favorite place...

Sept. 21st, 2012

 

 

It's Bliss...

Or is it just me.

JP is fabulous, and even his fussy moments don't tense me out (aside from the "DON'T BATHE ME!!" cry, oy, that one's a doozie).  I feel a sense of completion too my life. I feel very satisfied and rooted in everything I do with him, for him. I don't mind getting up at night to be with him. I don't mind 

changing his diapers, even the poopy ones which he seems to be blessing only me with *laugh*. I don't mind the spit-up, and revel in the closeness of the burps. The snuggles and snuffles, the smells and facial expressions, the drool and the pee, or rather the getting peed *on*...*laugh*, I don't mind any of it at all.

 

 

 

 

 

It's bliss. < 3

 

 

 

 

 

I'm still anxious about things, for sure, and worried about our finances but somehow, and I don't know how, but somehow, we are going to make it through everything and come out on the other side stronger for it. I can feel it deep down inside. 

 

 

 

 

 

It's bliss. < 3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm sure there are hard, difficult, frustrating & scary times yet too be had, but I wouldn't change a single second of a single moment of a single day. From the moment I saw those two lines, to today when I got the chance too show him off @ the restaurant I bartend at. Too taking him to the grocery store *by myself* for the first time ever in either of our lives and I made it. I didn't drop him, I didn't bump the cart but once, even though I was nervous I was going to do something stupid & anyone who saw was going to shake their heads at me in disappointment.
 

 

 

 

But I didn't.

I made it.

It's bliss. < 3

 

 

 

 

 

Looking into my husband's face and watching him fall a little more in love with JP everyday is amazing.  Realizing that I'm falling for him all over again while at the same time experiencing a new fountain of love spring forth inside myself is something all together.  Having these guys in my corner for the rest of my life...

 

 

 

 

 

It's bliss < 3

 

 

 

 

Finally, I know it's going to be really hard to go back to work in November and leave him in someone else's arms for 9 -12 hours a day depending on the day, but I know he's going to a good place & will learn wonderful things while he's there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So for now I am going to continue enjoying this wonderful journey of loving and nurturing my son, and discovering myself as a mother because quite truthfully it's the only thing I want to do right now or for the rest of my life.

It's bliss < 3