Om Namah Shivaya


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

5 months

Tissue expanders are just no fun; but that's okay because it's just one night of pain and one day a week that I have to recoup which makes each week one week closer to this all being over. "You hear that Universe?!?! O.V.E.R. Over!" I'm not going to allow you to touch me with cancer again, whatever form it be. I also pray that you do not ever touch anyone I love with cancer...ever.

I realized the other day that it was almost five months that I went from being told that I had breast cancer to being cancer free! I *told* you the universe didn't know who it was messin' with!!! Those cancer kickin' shoes worked! Ha!

What a journey this has been. I've gone from finding a lump and thinking it was nothing, to being told "it's probably nothing", then being told "You have Breast Cancer". The emotional roller-coaster days of "information overload", the scariness of the first chemo, then the fatigue and nausea of chemo. Chemo's 4 & 6 were doozies. The hair loss...*oh* the hair loss; yeah...that sucked. Finally to the loss of both of my breasts which have been replaced, for now, with tissue expanders that look and feel *oh* so weird, not to mention pretty *bleepin* painful .

I've lost the sense of myself and the sense of my beauty *but* I have found sources of strength that I didn't know I had, and yet also a different sense of beauty. I've had to give in and only go 50% in everything I do when all I wanna do is give 100 or more to everyone around me, including my kids. Yet I know this journey is coming to a close. I still have quite a ways to go till I'm back to my normal life, not that it will ever be the after this, but at least I can live my life as I used to. Do the things I used to do on a daily basis. Ya know, just be *me*.

I can't wait for that day.


  1. You are who you are every minute of every day cancer or no cancer. We learn as we go along in this life and what we learn is to take the good with the bad and get on with it. I'm so proud that you have done this and are "getting on with it". This will serve you well in so many ways in your evolving life.

    It is with love and admiration that I watch you evolve.

  2. you are an amazing person and definately an inspiration to those of us who have taken the ride along with you, whetherjust by being an ear or a helping hand. You are a beautiful person inside and out and I am glad to know you Emily Stout a.k.a Mama Stout! Don't stop at just kickin cancers a$$, kick everythings a$$!!!! Love ya!