A new year with new adventures

**Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013!!**

As we move on into this new year, as always, it's a time to reflect, reorganize, and figure out what intentions are to be made for the new year.   

 

2012 brought us, of course, the greatest gift we have ever or will ever receive; our son, JP.  He is now 3 and a half months old (15weeks 2days as I type this), and is on the move...for the most part.  He's rolling over both ways, trying to sit, waving his arms, kicking his legs, jabbering up a storm, and playing with his play gyms like nobody's business!  




 


His face lights up and he smiles when he sees us, and our hearts burst with love when he laughs at our antics.  He's growing into a little person and it is breathtaking knowing we were granted with this precious soul to guard, nurture, and love. 

  








JP is truly amazing, and we are both thoroughly enjoying him, and our evolution into this new role as parents.  I'm grounded, I'm centered, and I'm present.  This is what it's all about folks.  This is what it's all about.  Bring it, 2013...I'm ready...*we're* ready.

Three more days with my little JP...

afternoon snuggle nap

Ugh, is it really that time already?  I'm ready but I'm not.  I want to go back, but I don't.  I'm okay with it, but then I get sad.  What am I talking about?  Going back to work and placing my little JP in Lauren's care during the day...Friday.

:(



I know he'll be taken care of very well, but how can you, as a mother, be okay with basically saying to someone else, "Here.  I want you to snuggle my little baby all day, feed him, change him, and watch him grow"...you can't really...but you have to be.  Logically I know he'll be fine.  I know he'll miss me, and I'll miss him, but I also know that he'll be happy to be back in my arms at the end of the day and I'm sure once we get into the day in/day out routine of it all I'll be glad to be back at work and be thankful for all of the love, attention, and growth he is going to get from Lauren and her family.

*sigh* It just makes me sad.

I could play the game of "Had I never" all I like going as far back as college to change my situation.  Had I never racked up all that college credit card debt, had I never added too it when I got my first job, I'd be able to stay home longer on unpaid leave because I wouldn't be paying off debt.

Then there's the doozie..."Had I never gotten breast cancer, I would have had enough sick days to stay home till January"...but you can't play this game with that one now can you.  That's not fair.

morning snuggle nest

SO...instead, I stare at my dining room table as I slowly accumulate the things that need to go over to Lauren's to ensure his, what, his growth?  Stability?  Love? Cleanliness? Happiness?  and it makes me sad to see that pile growing knowing that in three short days I will be dropping his snuggle butt off at her house at 630 in the morning, knowing he's going to go into his morning sleep and she'll get the benefit of those snuggles instead of me :( 








I'll just have to get them back in the afternoon when I race out of school to go pick him up and scoop him up in my arms.  I only hope he smiles and coos at me when I see him for that first time.  I hope...

      

A glorious six week ride...

The most important thing to remember through this whole experience...it's like Fight Club: the only rule is that there are no rules. (lucieslist.com).  This could also say "The only rules are the baby's rules" *laugh*.

We are settling into this parenthood gig rather well, and thankfully have reached the 6week milestone where, *supposedly*, his periods of fussy crying are starting to decrease, which is fantastic.  Not that it's a bad thing for him to fuss, it's just hard when we can't fix the problem, and as Tim says, "I don't like it when he cries".  I will say, however, that I am reading him a LOT better than I was even last week.  The easy one is "HEY!  Mom!  I'm hungry!".  The second cry I've deciphered is the "WHERE DID YOU GO?! I need you!" and/or "WHERE ARE YOU?!  I need some snuggles!!"  He also has a fake cry already, which I find absolutely hilarious, and of course there is the "I just need to cry and there's nothing you can do to stop me"...although I employ the tight hold/head jiggle maneuver, *or* plop him into the moby wrap and that settles him down within minutes everytime.  #mommywin.

I'm also beginning to get a feel for his "schedule".  Note I said, HIS schedule, not mine.  To be sure, I've read many books that spout the benefits of putting him on a "strict" schedule and sticking too it no matter what.  I've also read about the benefits of "on demand" and have decided on this...JP knows what JP needs when JP needs it and I can try all I want to adapt him to *my* schedule, but in the end it's going to be on his time.  

Thankfully he's like me and has a penchant for order.  I can now anticipate when he's going to be hungry, and when he just needs some snuggles (430am anyone?).  I know how long he can stay awake before getting overstimulated & consequently overtired, and when he needs to go down for a nap.   

We are also rolling over!  How exciting is that?!  He's gonna be mobile in no time and I can't wait.  Enjoy the video!

So, six weeks in and many more to go.  Enjoying the ride every single second.  

Happy Six Weeks JP!

 
 

We're still married and he's still alive! *High Five!*

Sept. 21st, 2012

I jest, I jest....but not really *laugh* 

We *have* made it one month into this new journey called parenthood, are still married, and our little boy is still alive, seemingly happy, fed, diapered, and clothed.  That's quite an accomplishment!  Of course there have been a few meltdowns, on both our parts, a lack of sleep, a constant worry over whether or not we're doing the right thing, fussy times, and the battle marks of spit-up and pee...*but*... more importantly there's been laughs, smiles, tears of joy, snuggles, and moments of triumph to make up for it all.  It's been fabulous.  As for the next month, I look forward to every curve ball that being a FTM/FTP wants to throw at me.  I may cry, or I may power through, but I know this too be true...I'll do it with Tim by my side and our families one step behind and we'll figure it out.  So let's get rollin' on this next month, Punkin'!  I'm sure it's going to be glorious :)

Oct. 21st, 2012

    

"Baby wants what Baby wants when Baby wants it...

and it's your job, as parents, to figure out what that is."

These were words that my oldest sister said too me the other day on the phone when I called in tears because I wasn't sure I was doing the right things for JP.  I was concerned that he wasn't getting enough visual stimulation, or tummy time, or awake time, or sleep time, or, or, or...I mean, come on, let's get real.  What FTM (First Time Mom) *doesn't* worry about these things?  Do I *truly* believe that I am going to somehow emotionally, mentally, physiologically, or educationally disable my child?  Of course not, but as a FTM I want to make sure I'm doing the right things for him.  

These words have stuck with me.  Her following statement of "try this, try that, and try other things, then if that doesn't work put him in the car and go for a drive.  Give him a change of scenery, sometimes that's all they need" have stuck with me as well.  It's true.  nothing is going to work the same way twice.  Sure, the "5 S's" (Swaddle, Side, Swing, Shush, Suck) are proving to be *extremely* useful and work about 90-95% of the time, so it's that tricky 5% that we have to try everything else.

Is he hot...undress him.

That didn't work...

Is he cold?  Dress him again.

That didn't work either...damn...
 


Change the diaper...offer him food...employ the 5 S's...walk around...sing...jiggle...put in swing...take out of swing...give him a pacifier...give him a bath ...go outside...come inside...turn him over to other parent...leave him alone...pick him back up...try to snuggle in bed...try to snuggle in the chair...try...try...try...

The calm after the cranky

The bright spot too it all?  SOMETHING *will* eventually work and we will have tamed the savage beast for the moment.  This morning when he was cranky from 4-630am it took Tim turning him over to me around 545, I plopped him into his swing which worked for about 20minutes.  He then started fussin' again so I swaddled his tiny hiney as tightly as I could, held him as tightly as I could, jiggled him as "vigorously" as I could while "SHHHHHHH!"-ing right in his ear and within moments he relaxed and within minutes he gave me the contented sigh.  I then maneuvered both of us into the chair, covered us up with blankets, positioned the pillows and we both slept.

For half an hour.  *laugh*

He then woke up because he was hungry, which I had anticipated before drifting off so it was okay.  I fed, burped, and changed him, then we both fell back asleep until 9am.  Successful mommy moment.  Then this afternoon after his 2o'clock bottle, he wanted to be cranky and the only thing that worked was holding him up on my shoulder, patting his back, while bouncing up and down and "shhhh!"-ing in his ear.  He then quickly let me know, after I put him down to give myself a break, that the ONLY PLACE he wanted to be was on my chest and so up again he went.  He was gracious enough to give me enough time in his bassinet to go upstairs and grab some food and scarf about half of it down before he started grumbling, saying too me "Hey.  Mom.  I want to snuggle...NOW!" *laugh*  And so here we sit, finally.  He is sleeping comfortably on my chest and I am enjoying all the wonderful smells and sounds that go along with that and wondering what will work the next time he gets cranky.

Only JP knows, and he's not tellin' anyone...at least not yet. ;)    

Happy 3 weeks JP. You are my everything.

3weeks

Happy 3 weeks to our baby boy.  This song describes exactly how I feel.  Love you.

"You Are" by Carolyn Dawn Johnson

 

The sunlight on my shoulders,

the smile on my face.

My secret weapon, 

my favorite place.

The reason my heart skips a beat,

the broom that sweeps me off my feet.
 

A gentle inspiration,

my weary soul's salvation, 

the half that makes me whole. 

The gravity that grounds me,

the arms I want around me,

never letting go.
 

I've lived, I've lived enough, 

To know what is, and what's not.

You are...you are.
 

All the love I wanna make,

Every breath that I wanna take. 

The rush that's runnin', down my spine.

The touch that takes me every time.

 
An innocent seduction, oh I can't get enough and,

can't help but let it show.

I lose all my composure, I'm totally exposing   

the reason I let go... 

I've lived, I've lived enough 

I know what is, and what's not. 

You are...you are
 

My every hope, 

My every dream, 

You are my everything!

I've lived, I've lived enough,

I know what is, and I know what's not. 

You are...you are...you are
 

The sunlight on my shoulders,

the smile on my face.

My secret weapon,

 my favorite place...

Sept. 21st, 2012

 

 

It's Bliss...

Or is it just me.

JP is fabulous, and even his fussy moments don't tense me out (aside from the "DON'T BATHE ME!!" cry, oy, that one's a doozie).  I feel a sense of completion too my life. I feel very satisfied and rooted in everything I do with him, for him. I don't mind getting up at night to be with him. I don't mind 

changing his diapers, even the poopy ones which he seems to be blessing only me with *laugh*. I don't mind the spit-up, and revel in the closeness of the burps. The snuggles and snuffles, the smells and facial expressions, the drool and the pee, or rather the getting peed *on*...*laugh*, I don't mind any of it at all.

 

 

 

 

 

It's bliss. < 3

 

 

 

 

 

I'm still anxious about things, for sure, and worried about our finances but somehow, and I don't know how, but somehow, we are going to make it through everything and come out on the other side stronger for it. I can feel it deep down inside. 

 

 

 

 

 

It's bliss. < 3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm sure there are hard, difficult, frustrating & scary times yet too be had, but I wouldn't change a single second of a single moment of a single day. From the moment I saw those two lines, to today when I got the chance too show him off @ the restaurant I bartend at. Too taking him to the grocery store *by myself* for the first time ever in either of our lives and I made it. I didn't drop him, I didn't bump the cart but once, even though I was nervous I was going to do something stupid & anyone who saw was going to shake their heads at me in disappointment.
 

 

 

 

But I didn't.

I made it.

It's bliss. < 3

 

 

 

 

 

Looking into my husband's face and watching him fall a little more in love with JP everyday is amazing.  Realizing that I'm falling for him all over again while at the same time experiencing a new fountain of love spring forth inside myself is something all together.  Having these guys in my corner for the rest of my life...

 

 

 

 

 

It's bliss < 3

 

 

 

 

Finally, I know it's going to be really hard to go back to work in November and leave him in someone else's arms for 9 -12 hours a day depending on the day, but I know he's going to a good place & will learn wonderful things while he's there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So for now I am going to continue enjoying this wonderful journey of loving and nurturing my son, and discovering myself as a mother because quite truthfully it's the only thing I want to do right now or for the rest of my life.

It's bliss < 3