The journey is coming to a close...but is far from over.

35w4d, one month exactly to go

Wednesday marked one month exactly until our little boy is anticipated to arrive, and today marks 36weeks of pregnancy, with four more to go till the magical 40.  Sure, sure, he could come early or late, but just go with me on this one since NONE OF US know for sure when he's going to decide to come into this world, but I'm sure he'll send me a text or Facebook me when he's ready to check out of his uterine hotel *laugh*.






It's so crazy to sit back and think that we've actually hit the final home stretch of this journey and are about to go from watching him bonk around inside of me, to holding him in our arms, feeding him, changing him, snuggling him, loving him, and staring at him with wide-eyed wonder as we think "We made *that?!*"  

Top two originals, bottom two "Just to make sure"

Sometimes it just seems like yesterday that Dana was squealing with joy and hugging me in the beer cooler as I stood in shock of what had just happened to driving home on that cold January evening from work, with two positive pregnancy tests in my coat pocket and my best friend on the phone screaming "Oh mah gawd! What the...?!?!?! What is TIM going to say?!" *shakes head*  Crazy.  But never-the-less, here we are.  Four weeks to go (give or take) until Mr. James Porter LeRoy Stout enters our lives for realizies and we take on the greatest challenge of our adult lives...becoming parents.

The first time we met, 8weeks

It really still strikes me and Tim as surreal.  I don't know if either of us have really, truly wrapped our brains around this whole business of bringing a child into the world.  People at work ask me all the time "Are you excited?!" and my answer is always the same "Well...yeah, of course, but..." and then I'm not sure what to say.  Of course I'm excited, it's a grand new adventure we are about to embark on and one that is going to shape the course of our lives forever, but there's also a lot of nervousness because I, we, have *nothing* to compare it too.  Sure, we can look at our friends who have gone through the newborn, infant, toddler stages and now have walking, talking, fairly self-sufficient children and know that they survived, they didn't do any permanent damage, they made it through...but...logically we know that everyone's situation is different, and we didn't see it ALL.  We didn't see the late nights, the "Oh my gawd, what do we do?!" moments, the scares, the private cries, the pure exhaustion and moments of "Did we really want to do this?"  Yet, on the other hand, we're excited to join this rite of passage and experience every high and low parenthood has to offer. 

15weeks

I know there will be exhaustion on a level I have never experienced (THAT is something I can't wait to see Tim experience but that is a whole 'nother blog for a whole 'nother day *laugh*), but I also know that we will survive, all parents do and besides, I'm a public school teacher & marching band instructor too boot, some of you don't know the meaning of the term exhaustion until you've experience *that* gem of life ;).  I know there are going to be super scary moments, but I also know that the good moments will most definitely out weigh the bad.  I know that Tim and I will most definitely butt heads as we go about navigating the business of raising our son, but I look forward to those times because they are opportunities to grow and change.
  
I'm not scared of labor, although I am anxious of the first major signal that JP will give that he's getting ready to move out, mostly because I really truly don't want it to happen at school or the restaurant.  I'm not scared of the pain, I've been through a lot of that in my life, *we've* been through a lot of my pain, and if we survived that, we'll be able to survive this.  I'm not worried about the exhaustion, the fear, or the doubt, because I know we'll make it through.  Instead, I'm looking forward to seeing this little life that has been created inside of me out in the world and in our arms for the first time, and especially the look on Tim's face when he holds his son for the first time.  

Big Brother & Sister

I'm looking forward to the feedings, the diaper changes, the bathings and snuggles.  The readings, the crawling, the teething, and the swaddles.  The wide-eyed wonder of JP as he discovers his world, us, and the dogs for the first time.  Being able to *see* the world through his eyes and discover the delight of it all again in ours.  To see Tim's parents discover the joys of being grandparents for the first time, and my parents getting another grandson.  To watch Thomas discover the wonder of his cousin, and my big sister getting to be an aunt for the first time.  I also am looking forward to the changes this life event is going to bring about inside of me.  I've already felt my priorities change, along with my body (oof...don't remind me), and am ready to find out what lessons my son has to teach me as we journey through life together.  So, if I could say just one thing to our son as we anticipate his arrival, it would be this...

We're ready when you are JP.

 All our love, Mom and Dad. 

I wonder if they know...

 I wonder if they know how hard it is for me right now to walk away and let go.  I wonder if they know how hard I struggle everyday to make the right decisions for them, *and* for me & the life I am carrying inside me.  I wonder if they can appreciate the inner dialogue I have with myself on a daily basis that pertains exactly to what our T-shirt says this year.  "Never Let Good Enough, BE Enough."  I wonder if they know I shed a tear every time they go out for parade block and I'm not right there with them calling out cadences and reminding them to step on their "Left! Left! Left!"  I wonder if they fully comprehend how incredibly frustrating it is for me to not be able to teach them the drill and do the counts like I always do.  To explain to them the *big* picture they are making on the field and how it fits in with the rest of the band.  I wonder if they know how truly irritating it is that we don't have a cool space to rehearse in, inside because it's making me wear out faster than I would like.  I wonder if they know how much I hate feeling weak.

I just hope they know that I am trying very hard to find the balance, to be in the present moment with them, to teach them the best I can, and to last as long as I can before my world shifts forever.  I hope they know how much I care...

Dear Mayor Bloomberg, got formula?

So an old friend of mine facebooked me today asking if we have decided on what variety of formula we are going to use to feed JP because she has some "formula checks" that she'd like to mail me.  She is what, in the pregnant/mom world, is called an "EBF mom".  EBF stands for "Exclusively Breast Feeding".  I, on the other hand am an "EFF mom", which stands for "Exclusively Formula Feeding".  

For the sake of igniting any controversy for those of you who aren't aware, I can NOT breast feed.  Notice I did not say "I don't want too".  I mean it when I say I.Can.Not.  I battled Triple Negative Breast Cancer from May of 2010 through October of 2010 in which the end result was a double mastectomy where *ALL* of my breast tissue was removed and replaced with silicone implants.  And when I say all, I mean ALL, nipples included.  So, unless my child can puncture himself a hole in my boob & ingest silicone, which I find *highly* unlikely, breast feeding ain't gonna happen for this mommy-to-be.

But I digress...

 I'm on facebook responding to her post when the idea strikes me to toodle on over to the pregnancy discussion board I frequent and put it out there..."EBF moms; got formula checks?"  I have received numerous responses so far in the positive, and one gal mentioned the whole NYC/Mayor Bloomberg "Latch on NYC" debaucle, er, debate.  While I don't think me writing a letter directly to him, seeing as I live in the Midwest, would do a darn thing, I did think that putting my thoughts about *that* ridiculousness down here could be...interesting.

So here it is...my thoughts on the "Banning of Formula in NYC hospitals"...


On behalf of all cancer survivors who also survived a double mastectomy, thus having their ability to breast feed taken away from them, and also on behalf of ALL the women out there who for one reason or another can not or choose not to breast feed, I write this for you, for me, and for us.  

Dear Mayor Bloomberg,


With what little information I have read about this "campaign", and from what I understand it is *completely* and *utterly* despicable that a MAN, sitting in an ivory tower should be dictating what WE, as women, should do with our breasts when it comes to the feeding of the child WE CARRIED FOR NINE MONTHS IN OUR BODIES.  

Our boy, 31weeks

I ask you, Mayor Bloomberg, did you create one of life's greatest miracles inside of you?  Did you carry this child for 9 months of "bliss" (let's get real ladies, it's not all peaches and cream is it), then push it out an opening that can't seem to *possibly* be big enough and is usually accompanied with great pain before, during, and after?  Did you gain 20-50lbs of extra weight growing this miracle, and watch your once familiar body turn into something out of an alien syfy movie?  I don't think so.

Our boy, 30weeks

Did you, Mayor Bloomberg, worry and obsess over every little thing you ate or drank, the air you breathed, the medicine you took, or the product you put on your body for 9 months?  Did you give up a beloved glass of wine in order to make sure this little miracle got the best start possible?  Did you research all the different types of bottles, pumps, diapers, wipes, pacifiers, toys, teethers, carseats, strollers, creams, ointments, boppy's, bumbo's, sound machines, bassinet's, and pack 'n plays till you were so cross-eyed you didn't know which way was up?  Somehow I doubt it.

Our boy, 21weeks

Did you then, Mayor Bloomberg, struggle with the decision of whether or not to breast feed?  Did you do the countless hours of research on the subject, then spend countless hours researching formula?  Did you spend sleepless nights worrying about whether or not you'd be able too, and if you couldn't produce enough milk for your child would everyone think you were a failure?  Would you think that of yourself?  Did you spend your days enduring the Spanish Inquisition from women in all areas of your life "Are you gonna breast feed?  Are you gonna breast feed?  Huh?Huh?Huh?!?!", then goodness forbid you say *No* because then the question turns into "Why not? WHY?WHY?WHY?!"

Send off party for the girls

*Or*, here's another one for you to ponder oh great and wonderful Mayor of NYC.  Did you battle breast cancer, endure chemo, lose your hair, lose your sense of self, and take a genetic test that came back to tell you that you were going to have to undergo a double mastectomy, which in case you aren't in the know means the *total* removal of both of your breasts.  And when I say *total removal* I mean it.  Everything.  Done.  Gone.  All milk ducts, all breast tissue, even your nipples.  So not only have you now undergone a massive life changing sickness, and a complete and total body-altering surgery, you have now had the choice of whether or not to breast feed completely and totally taken away from you.  You no longer HAVE a choice.  You HAVE to formula feed.

At chemo

Do you know, Mayor Bloomberg, what that does to a woman?  Do you know the thoughts that went through my brain the day I got the call from my Oncologists office and the words "The test came back positive" entered my brain?  Here were a few...

After the mastectomy, 10/15/10

"Will I still be a woman without breasts?"
"Will it hurt when they take them away and then give them back?"
"Will I be okay?"
"Will this ensure the cancer never comes back"
and the ever fabulous...
"Will my husband ever look at me in the same way"
and
"How am I going to bond with my baby when that time comes and ensure he or she gets the best start in life..."





and then I cried.  I cried out of fear, out of shame, and out of heartbreak for a child that wasn't even a twinkle in my eye yet.  I cried for my breasts who had already been through so much and who now were a "danger to my life" and had to be removed to save mine.  I cried over the fact that I wasn't going to be able to do the *one* basic thing that these "girls" were intended for...to nourish my child with nature's most perfect formula...Breast Milk.

5th wedding anniversary spent at Chemo

You see, Mayor Bloomberg, in my opinion, you are essentially doing the same thing to the women of your great state, that the cancer did too me.  YOU, my dear sir, are taking THEIR CHOICE away from them.  Oh I know, if they can provide a "medical reason" then the nurses can whip out their magic key, unlock the closet, and produce the formula their baby will so desperately need.  I know, also, that you are not talking about women like me who literally can NOT breastfeed, no matter how much we may want too.  It is simply a physical inability.  Yet, do you realize the message you are sending?  You are basically saying that there is something WRONG with those of us who either can not or choose not to breastfeed.  


You.  A Man.  Mmm-hmm, yeah, excuse me while I have a good chuckle at that...

Our boy, 15weeks

I mean, really.  Who are you to tell women what they can and can not do in deciding *how*
to feed their newborn?  Of course breast feeding is best, but shouldn't that be something that is decided upon by her and her significant other?  And why "lecture" the new mother on the benefits of breastfeeding before unlocking the cabinet?  Don't you think that's going to be a little harsh on the emotional psyche of a woman who has just been through 9 months of pregnancy and goodness knows how many hours of labor to push something the size of a watermelon out of a hole that's not near as big??  She may already be feeling down about not breast feeding, but seeing as you most likely don't live her life, you don't know WHY she has chosen not too.  Don't beat her over the head about it, just give her the damn formula and wish her well with her new bundle of joy.

And I ask you, what's next?  The government is already trying to regulate our uterus's and our choices regarding birth control, so what's next?  Are you going to ban epidurals because having a "natural, unmedicated birth" is better for the baby?  Riiiight...how about *you* try pushing a watermelon out your pee hole, *then* we'll talk about the benefits of an "natural birth" versus a "medicated birth". 


Look.  It's your city, you do what you want, you've already banned smoking in parks, and large sizes of sugary drinks, and I refuse to read all the particulars of your "initiative" because it would be time wasted out of my busy life that I could never regain.  I'm also in the Midwest so this, at least right now, isn't going to affect me and honestly, I eagerly anticipate the "swag bag" from my hospital that will set me and our little boy on the right path towards healthful nutrition.  I just hope you take a second to think about what message you're TRULY sending to the women of your great city because *we're* not wrong, your message is wrong.

Think about it.


Sincerely,


A Proud EFF Mom-to-be

Our little boy, 31weeks

And just like that...

my summer has drawn to a close.  Today marks the last weekday of summer vacation, officially, for me.  Some would say "The last summer before children" *laugh*.  Camp starts on Monday and while I know I'm not going to be very involved in it this year, I am still going to start school hours on Monday, so goodbye summer, it was great, err impossibly HOT, while it lasted.

Thus ushers in my 10th year of teaching.  What?!?!  TEN YEARS?!?!  Inconceviable!  Truly.  I look forward to this school year for ALL of the changes it is about to bring.  Not only is my 10th year, which in and of itself is a milestone, but of course Mr. JP's arrival is imminent, literally on the horizon, and I have a new crop of 5th & 8th grade Orchestra students to break in, get to know in a short amount of time, then mold into musicians and decent human beings when I return from maternity leave.  




Yesterday I braved the sauna that is the HS Band room right now, and had the pleasure of meeting our new 6th and 7th grade Orchestra teacher.  He is a bright and pleasant young man who is full of energy and excitement to get this year going.  We wound up talking for a while and I gave him some advice, pointers, a calendar that has some music events on it (sadly none for his building), and some "sage" wisdom that has come from my 10 years of experience in my current district *laugh*.  What are those tidbits of wisdom you ask?  Allow me to share...




*ANYTIME* you contact a parent, LOG IT into IC, in the PLP contact log, that way you're covering your rear end should a disagreement over teacher communication arise.

*ANYTIME* you send home/hand out anything important, CONTACT THE PARENT, then LOG IT into IC in the PLP.

When you have a concert coming up, send home a reminder ONE MONTH PRIOR TO THE CONCERT, irregardless of the fact that you've already put it in the handbook and that it's also posted on the wall.  Then after sending the reminder home, CONTACT THE PARENT & LOG IT IN IC IN THE PLP.  Then *REMIND* the students every single day leading up to said concert that they do in fact have a concert and have to be there.  What time, what they have to wear, and that "Yes, my dear, you do have to stay the entire time".  Then CONTACT THE PARENT EACH WEEK TO REMIND THEM OF THE CONCERT, LOG IT IN IC IN THE PLP.

**Anyone else noticing a theme here?**

When you're going to give a playing-test that's a *scheduled one*, see above, but only give them a WEEK'S notice.

Written tests, give a WEEK'S NOTICE, then *see above*.

This one I forgot, but it's a good one.  Keep a PAPER RECORD of attendance and behavior, DAILY.  That saved me at least twice last year with a particularly difficult student of mine who was ticked off over the fact they had an F in my class.  "I do the work, I turn it in, why do I have an F?!", then the parent echoed that sentiment "She does the work, she turns it in, why does she have an F?!"  I looked through my paper record and found that her severe lack of attendance, if memory serves it was somewhere in the 50% range is what did her in.  I printed off my attendance for her, attached it to the "official" copy from IC, printed off the PLP log of parent-contact messages concerning her attendance and handed it over to mom.  "Oh my", was all mom could say ;)  Yup.  Cover yourself. 

So my friends, the summer has drawn to a close and the rituals must begin again.  On Sunday evening, I will lug my tired pregnant rear end home from work, take a bath, set up my coffee, and turn the timer on for the first time since May 20th.  Then set my alarm for 4am knowing the return to school has arrived and I *must* find my way to my yoga mat to set the tone for the year, to calm my mind, my body, my spirit, and this little boy jumpin' around in my belly.

                                                                     Good stuff...good.stuff.

And don't forget to revisit this fabulous post for some beginning of the school year inspiration!  I make a difference!  How about you?!

My pregnancy, the heat, and my Drum Line...

Chemo 2010

*Sigh* I'm having to revert back to the statement I used two seasons ago when I was going through cancer/chemo; "I just can't do that right now"...and quite frankly it sucks.  Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon that we #1 got pregnant so quickly and easily, #2 it's been a relatively *easy* pregnancy thus far, and #3 we're almost to the end result of having our little boy enter our lives for realzies, it just sucks big time that I have to take a back seat *AGAIN* to the *one* thing that keeps me going in my job.  My Drum Line.

31weeks

Two Thursdays ago at my baby appointment, I asked the doctor I saw (three rotate through the clinic I go to) what *his* opinion of me and marching band camp was.  This was the last of the three that I hadn't seen yet, so it was nice to be able to ask him and get his opinion.  You see, the first time I asked this question was a while ago when we hadn't been locked into week after week of 100+ degree weather, and I thought maybe it was time to revisit this topic again.  Trust me, I'm no dummy.  I know it's hot, *believe me!* I know it's hot.  I know the ground is saturated with the heat, the astro-turf and track we march on even more so.  I know being outside from 730/8am until 10am at 32weeks pregnant *probably* isn't the smartest idea in the world, but it's a hell of a lot better than being out there from 4-6pm when it's even hotter.  So I had to ask...and I know some of you are thinking "WHY?!  Play the pregnancy card!  Stay inside!  Keep cool!  Bow out, it's okay, you're pregnant"... 

Carrollton 2011

That's just it.  I had to ask because my heart and soul go to these kids for three months at the beginning of the school year.  Drum Line is what keeps me SANE in this insane world known as "being a public school teacher".  It's the ONE thing I can do and do well that people stand up and really take notice of.  It's the one thing that makes me so proud at times I think my heart is going to absolutely *burst* when they perform, whether it be Drum Line or Ensemble, it's a bright spot for me, *and* for them in our busy, hum-drum, not always making sense lives; and now I have to back down...*again*.

I asked the doctor what his thoughts on it were, and he asked me to clarify for him exactly what I would be doing were I not pregnant.  "Outside around 730/8am until about 10am, on the astro-turf marching field in the middle of the kids, whackin' my gock block yelling 'Left! Left! Left!', showing them how to march and schooling a handful of them when they do it wrong.  Then inside for music rehearsal till 12."

31weeks

He listened intently while I told him what *I* expected of myself, but also that *I* knew that I had to listen to my body this time around and really stay hydrated because it's not just about ME anymore.  It's about our little boy who is living inside me right now and I have to protect him.  I know that, I get it.  I just want to make sure I don't do anything to jeopardize his health, or mine, *but* I also don't want to sit on the sidelines if it's not absolutely necessary.  If you know me, then you know that I'm someone who can push myself to the absolute limits and then beyond (last year's Drum Line competition show anyone??), but I do it for THEM.  I do it to show them that they have that person they can rely on to push them to *their* limits, and then scootch them just a little bit further than they thought they could go because *I* knew they could.  This is what I do, it is who I am, it is where I belong.

He took all of my statements into consideration, nodding and "ah-ha-ing" at all the appropriate moments then took a deep breath and gave me my fate.  "Mrs. Stout, I cannot, in good conscience, allow you to be outside with those kids, on your feet, carrying this baby, marching around, and doing what you do, in THIS heat.   It would be *completely* different if you were sitting in front of me at 16weeks pregnant, OR, if we were just sitting around 80/90 degrees out there, but you're 30weeks5days pregnant, and will be 32weeks1day pregnant when this marching band camp hooey starts", yes folks, he used the word "hooey", and I just can't allow you to do that." 

DAMN.  I knew that was what he was going to say, of course I knew it, I'm not stupid, it just sucked to actually hear it come out of his mouth, and then see it in writing when he handed me a note for school.  I then brought up the back to school parade & rally on Aug. 11th, and KU Band Day, which happens to be two weeks prior to JP's due date.  "Uh, no,"  he said, "You can't march either of those." "How about a compromise?" I asked.  "Can I at least get my kids warmed up and in formation for the back to school parade, then I PROMISE, I will get in my car and drive to the high school to await their arrival in the relative comfort of the gym".  "Yes, I suppose that would be okay as long as you promise to NOT march it."  Of course.

KU Band Day 2011

As for KU Band Day?  That's probably going to be a total and complete wash for me, which really makes me want to cry.  I suppose I could have Tim drive me to Lawrence where I could get the kids warmed up at South Park, get my hug from TMS, put them in formation, and then leave them to go watch the parade with my folks & Tim, but can I put my heart through the torture??  I guess, really, at that point we'll know what JP's doing in terms of making his arrival, cause I'll be 38weeks pregnant so I may not be able to physically go anyways.  Ugh.  #BroccoliFudgeCheeseandRiceonaSTICK! *hangs head*  

I guess it's all out of my hands.  I have to let it go and let God.  I have to trust that they will do what I've taught them.  They'll be able to take charge of everything and gear up for their competitions, parades, and field show's without me there.  

All of my teacher friends who have kids have reassured me time after time that "Once your baby boy is here, the furthest thing from your mind is going to be school, let alone your Drum Line."  On one hand I can understand that, but I'm not sure they fully understand.  I spend three-four years with this group molding and shaping them and watching them grow, then help send them out into the world.  They ARE my children.  I may not have birthed them, but I care for them like they are my own.  I listen to their fears, and celebrate their triumphs.  I nurse broken hearts and hand out advice.  I take them home, and buy them food.  I remind them of where they need to be and when.  I make sure they wash their clothes for competition, and I call them to wake them up.  They call me Mom.  How can I forget about them?  Simply put, I can't.  I will do what it is I need to do to protect me and our child growing inside me, but I will NOT forget about them and just walk away like they don't matter.  

Our James Porter LeRoy, 20weeks

So, although I have to use that phrase again "I just can't do that right now", I don't like it.  I'm trying to set them up for success as best I can before the craziness of school starts, and hopefully I will be able to wind them up and let them go when the time comes.  

I hope so...  

Divide & Conquer

We're getting closer and I can hardly believe it.  31 weeks today and the size of a pineapple.  He's growing right on track, I'm doing great, and it seems that there's a dance party/yoga class going on at all times of the day and night in my belly.  So many things have been gifted too us, to which we are enormously grateful, and his room is looking more and more like it's ready to have a baby in it!





Among all of the items we have needed to procure, there was one that was riding quite heavily on my mind and, quite frankly, scaring the ever loving broccoli out of me.  Finding a daycare provider.  As for the other biggies??? 

Pediatrician?  No problem.  My doctor practices peds and I signed JP up when I found that out.  

Chiropractor?  I got one.  My chiro practices on infants and will adjust JP as soon as I can get him to him.  

Health Insurance?  Just sign on the dotted line.  Putting JP on mine until we figure out what works better in the long run.  

Maternity leave?  Done.  My dates are flexible since we don't know when he's going to arrive, and all I have to do now is fill out some paperwork, get some signatures, and have it filed away.  

Savings for unpaid leave? Accomplished in record time.  HUGE load off the shoulders.

Major necessities for JP?  Pretty much filled, at least to the point where I know we can get along for a while without having to worry about anything but formula and diapers.

But a daycare provider; now *that* was a tricky one.  How do you go about picking someone to take care of YOUR child?  Someone whom you don't know from Adam, who you can see developing a good relationship with, and who you can afford??  Truth be told, if we could have afforded the $225/week it costs for the Montessori daycare/preschool just down the street I wouldn't have looked anywhere else.  JP would have been enrolled months ago and this would have been nothing but a little blip on the screen.  Alas, that is way out of our price range so we had to look elsewhere; but just where do you start?


I began our search by talking with friends of ours who, like us, aren't lucky enough to have family take care of our little boy.  A few of them use in-home daycares, a few others use centers.  There are pros and cons of each.  I heard the horror stories of "Oh she loved the center but was always getting sick", or "We went with this one gal, then a month later left because of this that or the other, then signed up with another, and it wasn't until the fourth one that we really landed where we wanted to be".  I also heard "So&so is the BEST!  We *absolutely* recommend her, but...she's not taking any more kids right now."  It got to be quite disheartening.


What I came to discover was that daycare centers were out of our price range, but in-home care fell right where we could afford it so it was time to start looking.  I started on craigslist just reading ads and saving the ones that looked good on paper.  From there, Tim and I narrowed down what we were looking for and decided that having someone close to home/in our area, was preferable than someone closer to my school or his work.  Then I emailed the ones I liked on paper and awaited responses.  It was kind of like a test I threw out there, like the one I gave to Tim when we first met.  His test was a simple one I handed to all the men I met.  "Bring a couple of your buddies to Free State Brewery on Monday night when I'm working.  We take two of our beers, put them on special, and it's a non-pressure situation.  If you don't like what you see, you can leave.  If I don't like what I see, I can slip out the back door at the end of my shift.  Simple."  I *always* knew that the one who showed up was going to be worth it.  Tim was the only one who ever showed up and passed the test.  Not only did he show, but he came BACK at the end of my shift.  Yep.  He was a keeper.

So I emailed around 30 ladies and asked them all the same questions.  What were their rates, did they think they'd have an opening coming November and/or what was the deposit to hold a spot till then, and could we set up a time to meet if we could afford them & they had a spot?  I sent out the first emails at the beginning of June then sat back and waited.  Each weekend I would puruse craigslist again to find more ads that sounded/looked good on paper, and then would go back to the list to narrow it down.  The women who emailed me back ranged in responses from "Sorry, I can't hold a spot that long", to "Yes, I'll have space for your little one, please give me a call so we can set up an interview", to my ever favorite "Ugh, I do NOT take teacher's kids".  

What, we have a black mark against us or something?  Piss on you!

I lined up a couple of interviews and away I went.  I met with the first gal and got a good vibe.  Nice duplex, not to far from us, daily schedule for the kids, good mix of ages for JP to grow up around, and she was in our budget.  Lady number two was older, which was not a bad thing, and was looking for one infant and possibly a two year old to watch in addition to her impending first grandchild.  She was very nice and we had a great chat, but I had some reservations about the money (not tax-deductible), and placing JP in a place where he'd be in direct competition with her new grandchild.  So far lady number one was in the lead.

Then I hit a dry patch where I wasn't getting any responses to emails or phone calls and I put it on the shelf for a bit.  One morning after my walk @ penguin park and some ball playing with the dogs, I check my email to find two ladies who responded that their spots had filled *but* they provided two phone numbers for women who provide daycare in our area, whom they highly recommend.  *Both* of them recommended lady number one.  This was looking good so far.  I made some more phone calls and had initial chats with ladies on the phone where I hung up thinking "Huh-uh.  No way am I going to meet with that one", then I landed on Lauren.  We talked for quite a while on the phone and I had a great vibe coming off of her.  I set up an interview to meet with her and was pleasantly surprised to find that she is literally minutes down the street from us, which would help with the hustle and bustle of our mornings in getting out the door and on the road to work on time.

I met her three boys, who are absolutely adorable and I'm sure could teach JP all sorts of "boy things", and we chatted for almost two hours.  I asked her lots of questions, feeling somewhat silly along the way but hey, I'm a FTM and don't know squat about daycare.  She showed me around her home, where the kids spend the majority of their time, bathroom, sleeping area, etc, and the backyard play area.  They even have a cutie pie little dog named "Cookie" who I just wanted to bundle up into my purse and take home with me *laugh*.

I finally left for home, armed with two great possibilities for Tim to meet.  We went to the first gal's place where he got to ask all the questions he wanted and form his own opinion.  I was trying very hard to not influence him in any way other than to let him know I got a good vibe off her and she had come recommended by others.  We left there with him saying "Well, I know one thing.  I need someone to compare her too".  Okay, let's go meet with Lauren.

I took him to Lauren's house and I could tell as soon as we turned onto her street he was more impressed.  We walk in and immediately are "assaulted" (I say that in a very good way) by her two youngest boys, the older of which was extremely excited that I was back with the baby (even though he's still in my belly *laugh*).  She took us both on a complete tour of their home so Tim could see everything, while explaining her plans for where to put everyone for naps, etc.  Showed him the downstairs play area, the backyard (where he got to meet cutie pie Cookie), and the basement bedroom of her oldest.  He then started in with his questions and away we went.  It was nice just being able to stand and observe everything that was going on.  The kids were playing, her husband was interacting with them, the littlest one was playing peek-a-boo with me from the toy cabinet, and she was answering Tim's questions without seeming bothered by his rapid fire inquisition *laugh*.  

We left about 45minutes later saying "We'll have an answer for you by the end of this week".  Which was the absolute truth because I wanted to get this finished out as quickly as possible due to the fact that band camp and school starting up are on my immediate horizon and once that starts up again I don't want to have to try and figure out how to fit interviews for daycare providers around my busy schedule, which is going to ultimately make me more tired in the mad dash to JP's arrival.

As we got in the car and pulled away, I looked at him and said "So?  What did ya think?"

"I like her.  I like her a lot.  I like the house, those boys are cute as *bleep*, and I really liked how she answered all of my questions without any hesitation unlike lady number one.  I especially liked her answer to the question "What do you consider your weakness" because she didn't bullsh!t me."  Which I have to agree, she didn't.  I gave him my second impression of her and we discussed more on the way home.

After a day or two of sleeping on it, thinking on it, and talking about it, we both decided that this was the home for our little boy.  We really feel that not only is JP going to receive excellent care there, but we feel that she and her husband will also be able to help us grow as parents and navigate the pitfalls that will surely ensue.  I called her up, told her we want her to take care of our little boy, signed on the dotted line, and turned in our deposit!  Such a sigh of relief.  Now we just play the waiting game on when he's going to arrive so we know when he'll start being placed in her care.  I am fully hoping he stays put until his due date.  I need as much time with my new students at school to set classroom policies, procedures, expectations, and rehearsal protocols before turning them over to my sub...but...I know that the *only* person who knows when JP is going too arrive is mister JP himself.

So here's to Lauren and the start of what will hopefully be a long and fabulous relationship.  Here's to Tim for asking the questions I didn't think to ask and for using his "Daddy instinct" in his choice, and here's to me for doing all the legwork to bring two great candidates from a pool of many to the table.  Bravo everybody, brav-o.

This ain't no "Dirty Thirty" Birthday party!!

28w4d

29w2d today and we're closing in on the thirties.  It's like my thirtieth birthday party all over again except this time there's no slinky dress and cocktails to be had, only an ever expanding belly, a shrinking stomach, backaches, and anxiety over the idea that HE'S ALMOST HERE!

Anybody who knows me knows that I'm a planner, and very organized.  Being in my line of work, with what I do, having two jobs, taking care of a husband, two dogs, and a house, I *have* to be.  I know that once the roller coaster of JP's arrival dies down, we will fall into a routine that will fit our life and make everything work.  I know we will.  What's hard right now is the fact that we're approaching the time where he could make his arrival any day and we don't have those few necessary items one needs for a newborn.  The car seat, a bouncer, a swing, a pack-in-play, a stockpile of diapers and wipes, *formula!!* (I've been told to wait till he's born so we know what type works with him), BOTTLES, bibs, or baby wash.  People keep telling me to wait until our shower's are done to figure out what we need to purchase on our own, which I understand, it's just so hard to not grab my credit card, rush out right now and get everything our precious little boy is going to need and get it all organized, washed, and put away!  Gah!

At least I can take solace in the fact that we are closing in on the daycare option for our little boy, and while I'm still freaked out beyond belief on actually being able to pay for that, *and* insurance, *and* hospital bills, *and* diapers & formula, *and* knowing that my paycheck is going to be severely hurt next year, it's nice knowing that we've found some good options for his care while we're out making a living to make sure he has the best life possible.  

So maybe I'll just go ahead and throw myself a "Dirty Thirty" birthday party next Saturday when I officially hit the 30weeks mark.  Maybe that will calm my nerves and make me feel better...then again, I should probably just save the money and put it in my special savings place for our little boy cause he needs a celebration more than I do.

30th Birthday