Om Namah Shivaya


Saturday, August 25, 2012

The journey is coming to a close...but is far from over.

35w4d, one month exactly to go
Wednesday marked one month exactly until our little boy is anticipated to arrive, and today marks 36weeks of pregnancy, with four more to go till the magical 40.  Sure, sure, he could come early or late, but just go with me on this one since NONE OF US know for sure when he's going to decide to come into this world, but I'm sure he'll send me a text or Facebook me when he's ready to check out of his uterine hotel *laugh*.

It's so crazy to sit back and think that we've actually hit the final home stretch of this journey and are about to go from watching him bonk around inside of me, to holding him in our arms, feeding him, changing him, snuggling him, loving him, and staring at him with wide-eyed wonder as we think "We made *that?!*"  

Top two originals, bottom two "Just to make sure"
Sometimes it just seems like yesterday that Dana was squealing with joy and hugging me in the beer cooler as I stood in shock of what had just happened to driving home on that cold January evening from work, with two positive pregnancy tests in my coat pocket and my best friend on the phone screaming "Oh mah gawd! What the...?!?!?! What is TIM going to say?!" *shakes head*  Crazy.  But never-the-less, here we are.  Four weeks to go (give or take) until Mr. James Porter LeRoy Stout enters our lives for realizies and we take on the greatest challenge of our adult lives...becoming parents.

The first time we met, 8weeks
It really still strikes me and Tim as surreal.  I don't know if either of us have really, truly wrapped our brains around this whole business of bringing a child into the world.  People at work ask me all the time "Are you excited?!" and my answer is always the same "Well...yeah, of course, but..." and then I'm not sure what to say.  Of course I'm excited, it's a grand new adventure we are about to embark on and one that is going to shape the course of our lives forever, but there's also a lot of nervousness because I, we, have *nothing* to compare it too.  Sure, we can look at our friends who have gone through the newborn, infant, toddler stages and now have walking, talking, fairly self-sufficient children and know that they survived, they didn't do any permanent damage, they made it through...but...logically we know that everyone's situation is different, and we didn't see it ALL.  We didn't see the late nights, the "Oh my gawd, what do we do?!" moments, the scares, the private cries, the pure exhaustion and moments of "Did we really want to do this?"  Yet, on the other hand, we're excited to join this rite of passage and experience every high and low parenthood has to offer. 

I know there will be exhaustion on a level I have never experienced (THAT is something I can't wait to see Tim experience but that is a whole 'nother blog for a whole 'nother day *laugh*), but I also know that we will survive, all parents do and besides, I'm a public school teacher & marching band instructor too boot, some of you don't know the meaning of the term exhaustion until you've experience *that* gem of life ;).  I know there are going to be super scary moments, but I also know that the good moments will most definitely out weigh the bad.  I know that Tim and I will most definitely butt heads as we go about navigating the business of raising our son, but I look forward to those times because they are opportunities to grow and change.
I'm not scared of labor, although I am anxious of the first major signal that JP will give that he's getting ready to move out, mostly because I really truly don't want it to happen at school or the restaurant.  I'm not scared of the pain, I've been through a lot of that in my life, *we've* been through a lot of my pain, and if we survived that, we'll be able to survive this.  I'm not worried about the exhaustion, the fear, or the doubt, because I know we'll make it through.  Instead, I'm looking forward to seeing this little life that has been created inside of me out in the world and in our arms for the first time, and especially the look on Tim's face when he holds his son for the first time.  

Big Brother & Sister
I'm looking forward to the feedings, the diaper changes, the bathings and snuggles.  The readings, the crawling, the teething, and the swaddles.  The wide-eyed wonder of JP as he discovers his world, us, and the dogs for the first time.  Being able to *see* the world through his eyes and discover the delight of it all again in ours.  To see Tim's parents discover the joys of being grandparents for the first time, and my parents getting another grandson.  To watch Thomas discover the wonder of his cousin, and my big sister getting to be an aunt for the first time.  I also am looking forward to the changes this life event is going to bring about inside of me.  I've already felt my priorities change, along with my body (oof...don't remind me), and am ready to find out what lessons my son has to teach me as we journey through life together.  So, if I could say just one thing to our son as we anticipate his arrival, it would be this...

We're ready when you are JP.
 All our love, Mom and Dad. 

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