I wonder if they know...

 I wonder if they know how hard it is for me right now to walk away and let go.  I wonder if they know how hard I struggle everyday to make the right decisions for them, *and* for me & the life I am carrying inside me.  I wonder if they can appreciate the inner dialogue I have with myself on a daily basis that pertains exactly to what our T-shirt says this year.  "Never Let Good Enough, BE Enough."  I wonder if they know I shed a tear every time they go out for parade block and I'm not right there with them calling out cadences and reminding them to step on their "Left! Left! Left!"  I wonder if they fully comprehend how incredibly frustrating it is for me to not be able to teach them the drill and do the counts like I always do.  To explain to them the *big* picture they are making on the field and how it fits in with the rest of the band.  I wonder if they know how truly irritating it is that we don't have a cool space to rehearse in, inside because it's making me wear out faster than I would like.  I wonder if they know how much I hate feeling weak.

I just hope they know that I am trying very hard to find the balance, to be in the present moment with them, to teach them the best I can, and to last as long as I can before my world shifts forever.  I hope they know how much I care...

You wanna talk inspiration? These four are it.

State 2011

Throughout this cancer journey, people have told me I'm an inspiration to them.  It's somewhat confusing to me to think that I can *inspire* someone because I don't feel I'm doing anything special.  I'm just being *me*.  Yet, I believe I understand because these four boys inspire me and they're just being *them*, learning their music, working hard, being good people, and navigating the trials and tribulations of adolesence towards the beginnings of early adulthood.  And not only these four, the rest of my percussion section and other students of mine inspire me as well.  

Raytown 2010

Their hard work pushes me to work harder, to choose intriguing music that not only excites them but makes them better at the same time, and to log longer hours in the quest to ensure they become the best versions of their selves that is possible at this stage in the game.  They inspire me to work on my patience and discipline because what I expect out of them I should give in return.  Yet they require me to rule with an iron fist but that has a gentle touch.  The wonderful thing about my job is that I get to touch the lives of students at all levels, this year it was 5th & 8th-12th.  Next year I hope to have time to spread my influence over the 6th and 7th graders as well. 

Who is an inspiration to you in your life or rather, who do you inspire?   

Districts 2011

Competition pieces for Districts...enjoy!

Just a taste of what we've been working extremely hard on for the past however many months.  Competition is next Saturday where hopefully we will get "I" ratings so we can continue on to State at the end of April!

Centrifugal by Chris Crockarell; 8 member ensemble.

Synergy by Chris Crockarell; 4 member ensemble