I wonder if they know...

 I wonder if they know how hard it is for me right now to walk away and let go.  I wonder if they know how hard I struggle everyday to make the right decisions for them, *and* for me & the life I am carrying inside me.  I wonder if they can appreciate the inner dialogue I have with myself on a daily basis that pertains exactly to what our T-shirt says this year.  "Never Let Good Enough, BE Enough."  I wonder if they know I shed a tear every time they go out for parade block and I'm not right there with them calling out cadences and reminding them to step on their "Left! Left! Left!"  I wonder if they fully comprehend how incredibly frustrating it is for me to not be able to teach them the drill and do the counts like I always do.  To explain to them the *big* picture they are making on the field and how it fits in with the rest of the band.  I wonder if they know how truly irritating it is that we don't have a cool space to rehearse in, inside because it's making me wear out faster than I would like.  I wonder if they know how much I hate feeling weak.

I just hope they know that I am trying very hard to find the balance, to be in the present moment with them, to teach them the best I can, and to last as long as I can before my world shifts forever.  I hope they know how much I care...

Carrollton Band Day, 2011

2011 RHS Golden Eagle Drum Line and first ever PIT!

They did it again; they captured 2nd place at Carrollton in the Indoor Drum Line Competition!  We also captured 1st on the field with the Band, 2nd in the parade with the Band, and the Guard captured 2nd in indoor auxillary, and 1st in field auxillary!

They did me proud again, and it was a  successful day all around for all. :)

Lined up and ready to go!

Twas convocation eve when all through the school...

Not a Cougar was stirring, not even a mouse. Ken and his team cleaned the building with care, anticipating that many students soon would be there. The teachers were busy putting together their rooms, while visions of AYP and MAP scores danced through the school. Principal Davis in her pant suit, and the VP's in their ties, had just awoken their brains from a long summer's respite. When out on the front lawn there arose such a clatter, I ran from the band room to see what was the matter.  Away to the front mall I flew like an Eagle, tore open the front doors and saw lots of people! The sun on the gleam of the newly mown grass gave the lustre of heatwaves to objects in brass. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a Marching Band, an Eagle, and a community sincere. With a smart looking Band, so big and so bright, I knew in a moment this fledgling bird would take flight. More rapid than Cougars the Marching Band they came; they whistled, and shouted, and called them by name! "Now Drum Line!  Now Trumpets! Now Piccolos, and Flags! On Baritone! On Clarinets! On Sousaphone's, and Sax! To the top of the hill! To the front of the school!  Now March away! March away! March away all!" The Band they did come like the prideful group they are; with a strut down the street you can see from afar. So down the street, the Drum Line they grooved, with the community full of joy, and the Superintendent too. And then in a twinkling we heard from the school, the cheering of students with something to prove. I came out the door and turned right around, to see down the street a very large crowd. Their eyes-how they twinkled! Their smiles how merry! Their cheeks were like roses, their joy like a cherry! Their big smiles had joy and humor to share, it was hard to believe the school year was here! The games that they played, the food that they ate; the smoke from the BBQ encircled the place. They had bright shining faces and comfortably full bellies, yet everyone eyed the dessert table especially the cakes and the jellies! They were happy and content, a right jolly old group, and I laughed when I saw them, this good-vibing troupe.  A shout from the back and a Drum Line's approach, soon gave way to grooves that were above reproach.  They saluted the crowd, and went straight to their work, "Drummin' for the Cure" their duty they did not shirk.   Gazing out at the crowd, the joy all around; they nodded and felt good because this school year would be profound.  While they jammed the day away; the Band and Drum Line too, the Cheerleader's they cheered, and threw a stunt or two.   The crowd they exclaimed, as the Band marched out of sight; "Happy new school year  to all, and to all a good-night!"

My friend Ben

Ben and TMS, our wedding 2005

I traveled to Lawrence this evening to have dinner with two of my *most favoritest* (yes I know that is bad grammar and not a word) men ever on the planet.  Ben "Po"Tatar and his dad, "Pa" Tatar.  What a treat to see those two this evening.  I think the last time I saw them was at our wedding almost six years ago. 

 Crazy how time flies.

Partying it up

Ben and I met during college.  We were all within the same major ("I want to be a professional Band Geek"), all in the band together (he in the Trombone section, me on the Drum Line), and partied with the same circle (toga party at the House of Funk anyone?) so naturally we became friends.  I remember many a crisp Saturday morning walking up the hill in full KU Band regalia with Ben, Oliver, Randy, and Greg, up to the fountain to line up in formation for our march down the hill into the stadium on game day.  

Wine at Olive Garden

Theory with Palos, History with Maxey, Band with Foster, Barnes, and TMS.  New renditions of the fight song set to Sitar and Mringdingam (sp?) while on the bus to the hotel for the pep rally.  Wine with BMills at Olive Garden on a Bball band trip, getting to see his childhood home and meet his family.  Taking the leap of faith with him when he let us cut his hair and shave his head (so upped his sex appeal when we did that!), partying with the Chancellor's son at the Chancellor's mansion, winter band formal...good times.   

Winter Band Formal

"Thriller"

Now we're all grown up and adult-like. ;)  Out of our freshman class, I think Ben and I are in the minority in terms of actually becoming music teachers.  I run with the big kids, he hangs with the little.  I teach kids how to march and play at the same time, he teaches kiddos how to match pitch and keep a steady beat.  I teach them how to become productive members of society, he teaches them how to walk in a straight line and keep their hands to themselves.  I can't have a successful program without the foundation that general music teachers put in place, and he can't have a successful program without the lure of the high school marching band with all it's flash and glitz.  How I'd love to watch him in action.  I bet his students just adore him, I know I do.  Always have and always will.

So thank you for making a brief trip to Lawrence this weekend, and thank you even more for making time to have dinner with me.  I wouldn't have missed it for the world.  You and your family hold such a special place in my heart.  Love you all!