First major milestone come and gone...

One year ago yesterday I was undergoing a bi-lateral mastectomy in an effort to greatly reduce my chances of the cancer coming back, and also in hopes to get rid of all that was left as well.  I woke up in recovery groggily asking "Am I clear? What about the lymph-nodes?", it wasn't until a few hours later when Dr. Ryan came by again that I grasped the fact that he had told me numerous times "The markers were clear, there's no sign of cancer left", I was relieved.  

Now I've hit the huge milestone of being cancer free for a whole year.  My how time has flown.  I still have six months, or so, to go until I'm out of the "risk of recurrence" stage, and I can hang with that.  I think cancer learned a big lesson when it decided to invade my body...it's not coming back (at least we can hope).



So thank you for the support over the past year and a half.  Thank you for going along on this journey with me, and continuing still.  While I wished for lots of things to happen yesterday, it's okay that I celebrated the day away mostly in solitude.  Brunch with the girls was perfect in the morning, then the afternoon to myself was just fine.  I won't be selfish and say what I wish would have happened, because in truth I'm a year cancer free and that's all that matters.

So in the month of Breast Cancer Awareness please make sure to get yourself checked, and if you've already found something *please* go to your doctor and get it checked out.  Early detection saves lives and you can't fix the problem until you know what the problem is.

It's all an illusion I tell you...all an illusion.

Me the Teacher

I have found myself, as of late, using this phrase a lot "It's all an illusion I tell you...all an illusion".  I use it when I'm given praise, complimented, or recognized for something positive and I'm not really sure where it came from or why it's stuck around so far but it amuses me, and I relate to it on a visceral level that I can't quite explain.  

Allow me to try...

First my hair went away

I am coming to believe, realize, *know*; whatever word you want to use there, that some profound shifts took place in me over the course of the past year as I battled breast cancer.  One in particular was the loss of my sense of beauty.  First my hair went, which I had been growing out for so long and had *finally* reached a length I loved; then they took from me what is, too me, fundamental in being a woman.  They took my girls right off my chest and put foreign objects there, in their place.  Talk about weird.  Losing that sense of beauty took me to a level of pure, oh I don't know, purse sense of self maybe?  There was no hiding who I was, what I looked like, or what I was going through.  That was me, the real me, take it or leave it. 

And then they took my girls

Now, I'm not saying that I'm hiding or anything like that; but there is a certain level of...*difference* between who I was before cancer, who I was during it, and who I am now.  So what's the illusion I speak of?  What does it mean?  Why do I say it in reference to myself?  I've come to feel that something bigger than any of us could even *begin* to comprehend is going to happen in the next few years.  I don't know what, and I certainly don't know when, but it's going to happen and when it does, we will all be revealed for who we truly are, and the true reality in which we are to live.  So this, then, this life that we are all trying to carefully craft, nurture, and direct into where we want it to be because that's where *we* see ourselves in five, ten, fifteen years down the road, are undeniably #Crazy and are living in our illusion.

In the chemo chair

I sound crazy don't I?  And maybe I am, and I'm fine with that. *laugh*  it's just that after going through something as stupid as breast cancer, it just seems all so pointless to try and control everything in my life.  It makes much more sense to enjoy what I'm doing, to do it to the fullest extent of my ability, to not sweat the small stuff, and to watch myself closer because every single choice I make effects every thing else in some way so I want to make sure it's a positive effect indeed.

Me the Drum Line/Band Director

Now, don't get me wrong and don't misunderstand.  There are certainly things I do & say that I am not proud of, and kick myself in the pants over after it's said and done...but I'm working on that.  Yet that's what we are all, really, aren't we?  Works in progress.  We're constantly evolving into, hopefully, better versions of ourselves than we were the day prior.  Whether these changes take place because *we* wanted them too, or because something happened (or didn't), or because the divine spirits that reside above decided we needed too.  We're all aiming to become the best version of ourselves we can.

Our fifth anniversary spent at chemo

That's what I want for me, for you, for my students, for my husband, my family, hell even my dogs.  I want us ALL to start living the best life we possibly can as the best possible version of ourselves that we can.  So OWN YOURSELF.  Know that every single decision you make ripples throughout this world and affects everything.  Whether it be positive, negative, big, or small; it affects us all.  

Think on it for a while.  You may just see my crazy talk has some truth too it and if not that's okay, I'm going to keep living my life the best way I know how, enjoying it the best way I know how, being thankful for everyday I get, and continue to work on becoming the best version of myself I possibly can be until the truth is revealed to all of us. 

 

Carrollton Band Day, 2011

2011 RHS Golden Eagle Drum Line and first ever PIT!

They did it again; they captured 2nd place at Carrollton in the Indoor Drum Line Competition!  We also captured 1st on the field with the Band, 2nd in the parade with the Band, and the Guard captured 2nd in indoor auxillary, and 1st in field auxillary!

They did me proud again, and it was a  successful day all around for all. :)

Lined up and ready to go!

My labor of love

Last April I decided on what the Indoor Drum Line show was going to be.  I had the kids listen to it and then they put in their two cents...the deal was done.  It was to be an adventure and we weren't quite sure how it was going to pan out.  The first step was securing people for a front ensemble, or PIT.  I had a couple of girls jump at the chance when first presented with it, then the brother of one of the boys on the Line.  We picked up two orchestra girls along the way, and put one of the cymbal players on Timpani to finish it out.  

It was time to start rehearsing.

We hit the ground running the first Tuesday in June; meeting three days a week for three hours each day, and haven't looked back since.  We started with the "easy" piece, and I say "easy" because the only easy thing about it is that it's in 4.  The first couple of rehearsals I drove home thinking "What in goodness name am I doing?!"  There were also some days I thought "This isn't gonna work..." *laugh*  How wrong I was.  The kids are working and have worked so hard it's ridiculous and it is coming together splendidly.  One more week of rehearsal to go and then it's show time.  I'm ready...

...Almost.


We have about four and a half hours of rehearsal left, and one hour of warm-up/polish the day of.  It's absolutely enough time; we're going to kick this competitions' rear.  *laugh*  We're going to rock the house and that's what matters.  Yes there are things still that we need to polish and work on, and there's always something that could be better down to the very last minute.  I'm just saying that we're in a very good place and it's nice knowing that we're going to be completely prepared for our competition on Saturday.  It feels good knowing that although we did not get the amount of rehearsal time that is our due, we are prepared none the less.  Good stuff.

Here is a link to a performance of our competition show Friday at Bartle Hall at the Black Expo. There's a few wobbles and bobbles and other things to fix, it was a damn good run through and I'm proud to put it out there.  I hope you enjoy it.  Competition Show 2011

Now, if you'll excuse me I gotta get back to some work for Drum Line for Tuesday's rehearsal.  Lots to do you know...

I'm having an excellent school year so far! Are you?

My 9th school year started about a week after school let out for the summer as we dived right into Drum Line rehearsals to prepare our show for this competition season.  We put in some serious time this summer; 9 hours a week for about six or seven weeks and while I don't want to get too excited or anything because we've had MAJOR obstacles thrown in our way....but...everything seems to be falling into place.  I'm also feeling that way about my school year in general.  Maybe it's because last year I was dealing with the whole cancer bullcheezits, or maybe I'm just hitting a bit of a stride where things are starting to click for me, I don't know.  What I *do* know is that I like it.  


Our show this year, regardless of whether we place or not, is outstanding.  We've pulled off a front ensemble, and are playing three pieces, not just one.  In fact, we had to cut one piece entirely because the show was too long!  *laugh* I'm crazy.  We are pulling two late Tuesday nights in order to get extra time in before the 24th.  It's unfortunate we can't do it after school but there's such a conflict with uneven compromising that we have no other choice.  That's okay though because quite frankly at this point what I'm most stressed about is moving the pit IN and OUT as quickly as possible each time and having one or two full group rehearsals prior to competition.  I think in the grand scheme of things that's a pretty good place to be sitting.  Don't get me wrong; there are *plenty* of things to nit-pick and there will be lots of that going on these next two weeks. 



But before Carrollton we've got some dry runs of being in front of people, not playing our show granted, but parade's and the like.  It's good to get the kids out doing stuff like that before putting them on the field or the basketball court to do their show(s).  Get's their nerves out about performing in public.  We had our first appearance yesterday at KU Band Day.  The kids did great, they really stepped it up a notch or two and gave it their all.  *tear*  I can't wait for next Saturday's KC Royal Parade for them to work those last performance jitters out so then when Carrollton hits they'll be "seasoned pros" on the parade route *laugh*.  It's also a good thing that they'll have two football games for the marching show before Carrollton as well.  That should help boost their confidence come gut-check time. :) 

Mental Note: I need to figure out a public dry run of their indoor Drum Line Show...that's what I really need to do...

So we're off and running.  I told Tim my schedule for this week: Monday home around 7 after Rental Night, Tuesday home around 830 after extra/late Drum Line rehearsal, Wednesday I hope to be the early day (4pm), but we'll see.  Thursday home around 9 after Drum Line and Band rehearsal, Friday home around 10/1030 after first home football game, then Saturday is the KC Royal Parade, ending my week w/work at GC Sunday night.  I wrapped it all up in a smile and said "Love you, see you in October".  *laugh* It's crazy busy but I love it and I love them.  I hope this school year continues to be just as productive, rewarding, frustrating, and enlightening as these first few weeks have been.  

I'm sure these guys will make sure it does.  Golden Eagle Drum Line 2011, KU Band Day

Twas convocation eve when all through the school...

Not a Cougar was stirring, not even a mouse. Ken and his team cleaned the building with care, anticipating that many students soon would be there. The teachers were busy putting together their rooms, while visions of AYP and MAP scores danced through the school. Principal Davis in her pant suit, and the VP's in their ties, had just awoken their brains from a long summer's respite. When out on the front lawn there arose such a clatter, I ran from the band room to see what was the matter.  Away to the front mall I flew like an Eagle, tore open the front doors and saw lots of people! The sun on the gleam of the newly mown grass gave the lustre of heatwaves to objects in brass. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a Marching Band, an Eagle, and a community sincere. With a smart looking Band, so big and so bright, I knew in a moment this fledgling bird would take flight. More rapid than Cougars the Marching Band they came; they whistled, and shouted, and called them by name! "Now Drum Line!  Now Trumpets! Now Piccolos, and Flags! On Baritone! On Clarinets! On Sousaphone's, and Sax! To the top of the hill! To the front of the school!  Now March away! March away! March away all!" The Band they did come like the prideful group they are; with a strut down the street you can see from afar. So down the street, the Drum Line they grooved, with the community full of joy, and the Superintendent too. And then in a twinkling we heard from the school, the cheering of students with something to prove. I came out the door and turned right around, to see down the street a very large crowd. Their eyes-how they twinkled! Their smiles how merry! Their cheeks were like roses, their joy like a cherry! Their big smiles had joy and humor to share, it was hard to believe the school year was here! The games that they played, the food that they ate; the smoke from the BBQ encircled the place. They had bright shining faces and comfortably full bellies, yet everyone eyed the dessert table especially the cakes and the jellies! They were happy and content, a right jolly old group, and I laughed when I saw them, this good-vibing troupe.  A shout from the back and a Drum Line's approach, soon gave way to grooves that were above reproach.  They saluted the crowd, and went straight to their work, "Drummin' for the Cure" their duty they did not shirk.   Gazing out at the crowd, the joy all around; they nodded and felt good because this school year would be profound.  While they jammed the day away; the Band and Drum Line too, the Cheerleader's they cheered, and threw a stunt or two.   The crowd they exclaimed, as the Band marched out of sight; "Happy new school year  to all, and to all a good-night!"

2011-2012 "Drummin' for the Cure" Tshirt is ready to order

ATTENTION PUBLIC: This year's edition of the "Drummin' for the Cure" Tshirt is ready to order!

Pricing is as follows: S-XL $20, 2X and above $25. Money raised is going towards the Golden Eagle Drum Line's goal of hosting a drum line battle to raise money for breast cancer awareness (more on that much later ;) 

Tank tops are also available. Pricing is the same.

Oh and one more thing; I have to have at least 12 @ a time to place an order. We're taking orders now, have five on the list. Get one and help us reach our goal!