Getting back into shape is a real pain in the rear

but it's nice to be able to feel that pain again *and* it's even better that I have the ENERGY needed to inflict that pain upon myself again.  My friends classify me as a "workout nut", I prefer the word *enthusiast* thank you very much, and they're right...I am, I was, and I'm getting there again.  

It was a gradual decline in activity as the chemo sucked more of my energy away then one day I just didn't have the "get up and go" to do anything but sleep and eat.  When I didn't even want to do a simple 20minute yoga tape in the morning was when I knew the chemo had won...for the time being.  For a girl who was used to working out for at least an hour, 5 days a week, it was *really* hard to accept the fact that my body just needed to rest...*I* just needed to rest.  I've never heard such an argument in my head (yes everyone, I have voices in my head...we all do).  I remember one evening walking back and forth between my room and the bathroom debating over a yoga practice and a hot bath.  I finally had to look in the mirror, yell "SHUT UP!" to the argument taking place in my head and go downstairs to take a nap.  

With the help of Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper I am sweating my way back into shape.  If you haven't tried any of their DVD's, you're missing out.  Kettlebell workouts ROCK and they both offer different levels of craziness within their dvd's.  My tone is returning, the jiggle is disappearing, and the soreness is disappearing.  All in all this is a good thing.  
 
Now, if we can get my car fixed today I'll really be in business!
 

I think my heart just broke a little bit...

Toddler diagnosed with a rare form of juvenile breast cancer at the age of two, has full mastectomy at age of three.  


http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41161182/ns/today-today_health/

Needless to say, if you have a young daughter you should be checking her boobies for lumps until she understands how to do it herself. 

New Year, New Title, New Me.

When I first set this blog up I had in mind a blog about my "spontaneous evolution" in relation to 2012, then wound up blogging about my cancer journey instead.  I was disappointed at first, and it wasn't until today, as I have been sitting here deciding what to rename my blog, that I realized that I *have* spontaneously evolved.  I am a different person from before cancer.  I still have and maintain the root core of my essence, what makes me *me*, but I've changed...I've evolved, and it *was* spontaneous cause it sure wasn't like I decided to get breast cancer. ;) 



The most notable difference/evolution is my outward physical appearance.  My hair is different, it's a light brunette with a wonderful gray patch, and obviously very short.  My face is different; there's a new line here or there that wasn't before cancer.  Obviously my chest is different and that also extends to my arms.  The mastectomy took away some of my range of motion, especially on my right side so I have to move differently at times and I will *always* have to be conscious of my right side due to the missing lymph-nodes.  Last thing I want is lymphadema because I torqued my right arm out doing something I shouldn't have.  I also feel that I walk with a bit more awareness of the world around me now than I did before.


I have evolved inwardly as well.  I'm not as quick to anger and frustration as I was before, it has now been replaced with a sense of well being and the thought "What will be will be.  I can't control it or change it so I might as well embrace it."  I've learned to say "I can't do that right now", otherwise known as "No"...this is *huge* for me.  Before, I tried to split myself into a million different directions and was always trying to please others...now...my priorities are in place.  I gave up my second job which has freed up time to spend with Tim, family and friends.  This is enriching my life one hundred fold.  It has also renewed my energy and my spirit because I now have time for *me* and the energy for everything and everyone else.  I'm also more committed to my career; not that I wasn't before, but I'm more committed now because I'm really feeling that sense of peace and well-being surrounding it.  I can't wait until next year begins with DL rehearsals in the summer!  I'm going to be 1000% back to normal so my kids better watch out!  You think we're great now...you ain't seen *nothin'* yet!  Ha!









The next stage of my evolution is on the horizon.  I am attending MMEA at the end of the month down at Tan-Tar-A.  This is my professional conference (Missouri Music Educator's Association) and a fabulous opportunity for me to just immerse myself in all things music for 3 days.  The biggest step I am taking is to sit through the MSHSAA Music Adjudicator Training so I can officially be trained on how to judge events, then put my name in that hat so then I can hopefully spend my weekends traveling around and judging music festivals and getting my name out there instead of pouring drinks and serving food.  Bartending was great, don't misunderstand, but this will be better for the advancement of my career and myself as a professional.  Can't wait.

I truly believe that this is what the universe was trying to tell me when it brought that lump that turned out to be breast cancer to my attention.  I also believe that it's convenient that I had planned to name my blog and talk about "Stout's Spontaneous Evolution" as evidenced by the web address and have now realized that's what I was talking about all along...my evolution into the person I am now.  Coincidence?  I think not.
  
I'm ready to change and evolve more as this world spins on it's axis towards the galactic synchronization of 2012.  Maybe something big will happen that day, maybe it won't.  What I *do* know is that I'm going to enjoy this ride as long as I can and not be afraid of change ever again because change is ultimately what keeps this world turning.    

And another snow day begins...

Lots of snow on the ground (for KC) and bitterly cold temps outside made for another snow day.  What to do, what to do...*laugh*, who am I kidding there's PLENTY to do around here.  What's on your list today?  Here's mine:

Bath, yoga, sweep and mop entire house, polish wood floors, dust everything, paint Tim's bathroom (which also means it will get cleaned by default), fold ALL laundry *and* put away, clean off pool table since I don't want to put anything back up on the walls till we get the glaze done and I'm tired of the mess, play with the dogs in the snow, go hang with Stace and the twins, another bath, another workout, get the gluten free slow cooker lasagna in the crockpot (wonder how *that* will turn out), and fix the few items of clothing that need fixing (mostly sewing buttons back on, one hem to fix). 

I think I can get it all done and possibly even throw in a nap.  Don't believe me?  Time me...

************
 Currently I'm feeling: Fabulous. Today is a good day.
Procrastinating: Nothing.  As soon as I post this I'm getting up and starting my list...with a bath.
Reading: Just finished a book about the Mayan and 2012, might re-read one of my favorites.
Watching: Fox4 news
Doing to make me smile: Having a snow day to put the house back into order and work on myself.

************ 

Follow me on twitter: @lillyandbuck69

Happy SNOW DAY!!!

Snow Day!  Two words a public school teacher loves to hear, but also despises at the same time.  We love to hear it because it's a **Snow Day!** who doesn't love a snow day?!?!  We do despise it though because if you're like me you are now wide awake after getting the numerous "robo-calls" from the district and checking the TV closings, so it's gonna be a b!tch to fall back asleep.  We also despise snow days because now the school year has become one.day.longer. but better to be safe than sorry.  

My bet?  Snow day tomorrow, and possible late start Wednesday morning.  Snowing all day long through the night for a total of 6-8"...yep...I'm bankin' on a snow day tomorrow, then too damn cold Wednesday morning for the lil chitlins' to be standing at the bus stop.  Those are my guesses, we'll see what happens.

Until then, I'll  drink the rest of my coffee and hopefully fall back asleep then I'll hold down the fort while Tim is out dealing with the snow...I should see him sometime on Tuesday.

Happy Snow Day!!

The week in review

The first week back after break is always the hardest.  I was thoroughly exhausted by the time school was over Thursday but I still had 6 hours yet to go.  Tuesday passed in an energy soaked blur, Wednesday settled down to the pace of the grind, Thursday capped it off with a 16 and a half hour day with Friday rounding it out by spending it at the hospital with my husband and mother-in-law awaiting news on my father-in-law's progress.  

It was certainly a face-smacking, reality inducing way to re-enter normal life.  Not just because of the re-entry into school and the craziness that brings with it; but the news of my FIL's (father-in-law) heart and how serious a situation that truly was and how lucky he truly is.  He had a nuclear stress test earlier this month and while his heart was functioning fine, it didn't "recover" like it should have from the test so they wanted to take a look.  Come to find out he was 99% blocked in the main artery, and had to have six stents...did you hear me?  *SIX* stents put in the main artery of his heart, then one in each of the remaining three within a couple of weeks.  

*WOW*

Tim did the math on it and figured he was getting something like 9% of his blood running through his heart at any given time.  No wonder his legs were always cold and his fingers tingled.  Thankfully the doctor said that any and all damage that has been done is trivial and will be completely reversed once the remaining 3 arteries are opened up and the blood really starts pumping.  In the meantime his legs are warmer, his fingers don't tingle and his breathing is better; all in all a good situation.

The hardest part is going to be the diet change, for my MIL especially because she is going to have to revamp the way she prepares the food my FIL eats which is going to go against a lifetime way of thinking and doing.  I think this is my chance to lend a little wisdom to my in-laws and help them through the transition to eating healthier.  In reality it's just simple changes they have to make; ground turkey instead of beef, olive oil instead of crisco, smart balance butter instead of butter, dark leafy greens instead of iceberg, whole grains instead of white, more water instead of pop, and unsweetened tea instead of sweet.  Much like my sister having to revamp her lifetime of cooking a certain way due to my nephew's food allergies, my MIL will have to do the same for my FIL.  

"Well I figure I got to live 69 and a half years eating what I want, so if it has to change I guess that's allright"

I'm glad he has a good attitude about it and even though it was unfortunate this happened, I'm glad it did.  I hope it brings us all around to a little more awareness of what we put inside of our bodies.  I figure that at this point it's all about living instead of eating or working.  Hence why I'm not going back to GC; this life needs to be lived and enjoyed and I can't do that working 7 days a week.  This is also why we can't enjoy it being overweight and out of shape so here's why I hope a tremendous amount of good can come out of this situation for my entire family.  I hope it spurs my husband to take better care of himself, I hope it spurs my in-laws into action to change and trickles down the chain of the family.  

A healthier year would make for a better year for all of us.

Namaste

Back to the grind and some other ponderations...

I'm glad break is over, although I believe Buck is having a hard time with it.  Poor guy has been wound tighter than a top when we've been getting home the past couple of days.  I don't blame the guy, I mean *I'd* go crazy if I went from hanging out with me 24/7 to a couple of hours in the morning and couple of hours at night ;)  Good thing I don't mind sitting outside hitting the "B.A. double L" even if it is 20 degrees outside.  


This break was much welcomed because not only was it a break from the exhausting pace of the first semester but it also ushered in the official end of the breast cancer chapter of my life...our life.  The painful tissue expanders were replaced by a pair of silicone implants.  The bandages come off tomorrow morning and I'm beyond thrilled.  Give it till May 14th...then it'll feel like nothing ever happened.  That'll be cool.

So until then the second semester has gotten off to a roaring start.  Yesterday was the kid's first day back (we had a work day on Monday) and it was a relatively good day.  It was fabulous seeing everyone's faces even if some of the attitudes were grumpy, and I was full of energy and life as I zipped about from building to building spreading knowledge everywhere I went ;)  To top it off I've gotten the best two nights of sleep the past two nights than I have in months; that's a *major* relief.  


Now if this cold would just go away...


I work a pair of fabulous red heels to school today.  I had a mini fashion crisis this morning trying to put an outfit together around them and wasn't feeling super stellar about them or the outfit but I had committed to it and was going to rock it.  I hit the doors of school, turned the corner into the stair well and *Bam!* I was hit by compliments by the gals coming down the stairs.  Around the corner to the band room door and I hear "Dude, those shoes are crispy!" (this is a *good* thing for those of you not in the know).  I drop my stuff off and make the walk through the masses to the front office to sign in, check my box, make some copies and get back to my room so I can get my stuff for Ed and am bombarded by "Girrrrrl those shoes are too cute!", "Ooooo can I have those shoes Mz Stout?", and "Oooo! I lurve thoze!"  Hahahaa...too funny.  


Aside from a couple of blisters that will fade with time and make them more comfortable the next time it was a good day rounded out by a good rehearsal with my mallet solo's after school.  

Tomorrow I'm wearing flats. ;)