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Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I wonder if I'll be a good mom...

I think about this *all* the time.  I wonder if I have what it takes, if I can make the hard decisions that I know will have to be made.  If I can wrap this baby in love yet guide them with an iron fist.  I wonder if I can raise them in this crazy-a$$ world and still have them grow up knowing how to be compassionate, kind, patient, intelligent, passionate, and an all around productive member of society.  I wonder if karma will come back to bite me in the a$$ when they're the age of 13-18, *especially* if it's a girl.  I wonder if I'll be able to make it through those years.  I wonder if I can be okay with losing myself for a while in hopes of finding me again.  I wonder if I'll be resentful about what this is going to do to my figure.  I wonder if that's selfish.  I wonder how I'm going to screw this kid up, I wonder if they'll notice.  I wonder at the ways they will change my life...OUR life...forever.  I wonder if we're ready for that.  

I wonder if I'll have the strength it's going to take to do this, I wonder if I'll survive.

Oddly enough, I don't wonder about Tim.  I know he's going to be a fantastic dad.

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1 comment:

  1. jaljenApril 5, 2012 at 2:43 AM

    You will make mistakes. You're human. You won't be perfect and neither will your child.

    Do the best you can at the time. You will still look back and beat yourself up. Guilt comes with the territory.

    But with personal values of compassion and patience and all the things you list it sounds like you will do (at the very least) a good job.

    This comes from a grandmother who has 'been there' and can look back on plenty of things I wish I'd done differently but, at that time, I honestly had the best of intentions.

    Enjoy your pregnancy and keep the courage of your convictions!

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