Divide & Conquer

We're getting closer and I can hardly believe it.  31 weeks today and the size of a pineapple.  He's growing right on track, I'm doing great, and it seems that there's a dance party/yoga class going on at all times of the day and night in my belly.  So many things have been gifted too us, to which we are enormously grateful, and his room is looking more and more like it's ready to have a baby in it!





Among all of the items we have needed to procure, there was one that was riding quite heavily on my mind and, quite frankly, scaring the ever loving broccoli out of me.  Finding a daycare provider.  As for the other biggies??? 

Pediatrician?  No problem.  My doctor practices peds and I signed JP up when I found that out.  

Chiropractor?  I got one.  My chiro practices on infants and will adjust JP as soon as I can get him to him.  

Health Insurance?  Just sign on the dotted line.  Putting JP on mine until we figure out what works better in the long run.  

Maternity leave?  Done.  My dates are flexible since we don't know when he's going to arrive, and all I have to do now is fill out some paperwork, get some signatures, and have it filed away.  

Savings for unpaid leave? Accomplished in record time.  HUGE load off the shoulders.

Major necessities for JP?  Pretty much filled, at least to the point where I know we can get along for a while without having to worry about anything but formula and diapers.

But a daycare provider; now *that* was a tricky one.  How do you go about picking someone to take care of YOUR child?  Someone whom you don't know from Adam, who you can see developing a good relationship with, and who you can afford??  Truth be told, if we could have afforded the $225/week it costs for the Montessori daycare/preschool just down the street I wouldn't have looked anywhere else.  JP would have been enrolled months ago and this would have been nothing but a little blip on the screen.  Alas, that is way out of our price range so we had to look elsewhere; but just where do you start?


I began our search by talking with friends of ours who, like us, aren't lucky enough to have family take care of our little boy.  A few of them use in-home daycares, a few others use centers.  There are pros and cons of each.  I heard the horror stories of "Oh she loved the center but was always getting sick", or "We went with this one gal, then a month later left because of this that or the other, then signed up with another, and it wasn't until the fourth one that we really landed where we wanted to be".  I also heard "So&so is the BEST!  We *absolutely* recommend her, but...she's not taking any more kids right now."  It got to be quite disheartening.


What I came to discover was that daycare centers were out of our price range, but in-home care fell right where we could afford it so it was time to start looking.  I started on craigslist just reading ads and saving the ones that looked good on paper.  From there, Tim and I narrowed down what we were looking for and decided that having someone close to home/in our area, was preferable than someone closer to my school or his work.  Then I emailed the ones I liked on paper and awaited responses.  It was kind of like a test I threw out there, like the one I gave to Tim when we first met.  His test was a simple one I handed to all the men I met.  "Bring a couple of your buddies to Free State Brewery on Monday night when I'm working.  We take two of our beers, put them on special, and it's a non-pressure situation.  If you don't like what you see, you can leave.  If I don't like what I see, I can slip out the back door at the end of my shift.  Simple."  I *always* knew that the one who showed up was going to be worth it.  Tim was the only one who ever showed up and passed the test.  Not only did he show, but he came BACK at the end of my shift.  Yep.  He was a keeper.

So I emailed around 30 ladies and asked them all the same questions.  What were their rates, did they think they'd have an opening coming November and/or what was the deposit to hold a spot till then, and could we set up a time to meet if we could afford them & they had a spot?  I sent out the first emails at the beginning of June then sat back and waited.  Each weekend I would puruse craigslist again to find more ads that sounded/looked good on paper, and then would go back to the list to narrow it down.  The women who emailed me back ranged in responses from "Sorry, I can't hold a spot that long", to "Yes, I'll have space for your little one, please give me a call so we can set up an interview", to my ever favorite "Ugh, I do NOT take teacher's kids".  

What, we have a black mark against us or something?  Piss on you!

I lined up a couple of interviews and away I went.  I met with the first gal and got a good vibe.  Nice duplex, not to far from us, daily schedule for the kids, good mix of ages for JP to grow up around, and she was in our budget.  Lady number two was older, which was not a bad thing, and was looking for one infant and possibly a two year old to watch in addition to her impending first grandchild.  She was very nice and we had a great chat, but I had some reservations about the money (not tax-deductible), and placing JP in a place where he'd be in direct competition with her new grandchild.  So far lady number one was in the lead.

Then I hit a dry patch where I wasn't getting any responses to emails or phone calls and I put it on the shelf for a bit.  One morning after my walk @ penguin park and some ball playing with the dogs, I check my email to find two ladies who responded that their spots had filled *but* they provided two phone numbers for women who provide daycare in our area, whom they highly recommend.  *Both* of them recommended lady number one.  This was looking good so far.  I made some more phone calls and had initial chats with ladies on the phone where I hung up thinking "Huh-uh.  No way am I going to meet with that one", then I landed on Lauren.  We talked for quite a while on the phone and I had a great vibe coming off of her.  I set up an interview to meet with her and was pleasantly surprised to find that she is literally minutes down the street from us, which would help with the hustle and bustle of our mornings in getting out the door and on the road to work on time.

I met her three boys, who are absolutely adorable and I'm sure could teach JP all sorts of "boy things", and we chatted for almost two hours.  I asked her lots of questions, feeling somewhat silly along the way but hey, I'm a FTM and don't know squat about daycare.  She showed me around her home, where the kids spend the majority of their time, bathroom, sleeping area, etc, and the backyard play area.  They even have a cutie pie little dog named "Cookie" who I just wanted to bundle up into my purse and take home with me *laugh*.

I finally left for home, armed with two great possibilities for Tim to meet.  We went to the first gal's place where he got to ask all the questions he wanted and form his own opinion.  I was trying very hard to not influence him in any way other than to let him know I got a good vibe off her and she had come recommended by others.  We left there with him saying "Well, I know one thing.  I need someone to compare her too".  Okay, let's go meet with Lauren.

I took him to Lauren's house and I could tell as soon as we turned onto her street he was more impressed.  We walk in and immediately are "assaulted" (I say that in a very good way) by her two youngest boys, the older of which was extremely excited that I was back with the baby (even though he's still in my belly *laugh*).  She took us both on a complete tour of their home so Tim could see everything, while explaining her plans for where to put everyone for naps, etc.  Showed him the downstairs play area, the backyard (where he got to meet cutie pie Cookie), and the basement bedroom of her oldest.  He then started in with his questions and away we went.  It was nice just being able to stand and observe everything that was going on.  The kids were playing, her husband was interacting with them, the littlest one was playing peek-a-boo with me from the toy cabinet, and she was answering Tim's questions without seeming bothered by his rapid fire inquisition *laugh*.  

We left about 45minutes later saying "We'll have an answer for you by the end of this week".  Which was the absolute truth because I wanted to get this finished out as quickly as possible due to the fact that band camp and school starting up are on my immediate horizon and once that starts up again I don't want to have to try and figure out how to fit interviews for daycare providers around my busy schedule, which is going to ultimately make me more tired in the mad dash to JP's arrival.

As we got in the car and pulled away, I looked at him and said "So?  What did ya think?"

"I like her.  I like her a lot.  I like the house, those boys are cute as *bleep*, and I really liked how she answered all of my questions without any hesitation unlike lady number one.  I especially liked her answer to the question "What do you consider your weakness" because she didn't bullsh!t me."  Which I have to agree, she didn't.  I gave him my second impression of her and we discussed more on the way home.

After a day or two of sleeping on it, thinking on it, and talking about it, we both decided that this was the home for our little boy.  We really feel that not only is JP going to receive excellent care there, but we feel that she and her husband will also be able to help us grow as parents and navigate the pitfalls that will surely ensue.  I called her up, told her we want her to take care of our little boy, signed on the dotted line, and turned in our deposit!  Such a sigh of relief.  Now we just play the waiting game on when he's going to arrive so we know when he'll start being placed in her care.  I am fully hoping he stays put until his due date.  I need as much time with my new students at school to set classroom policies, procedures, expectations, and rehearsal protocols before turning them over to my sub...but...I know that the *only* person who knows when JP is going too arrive is mister JP himself.

So here's to Lauren and the start of what will hopefully be a long and fabulous relationship.  Here's to Tim for asking the questions I didn't think to ask and for using his "Daddy instinct" in his choice, and here's to me for doing all the legwork to bring two great candidates from a pool of many to the table.  Bravo everybody, brav-o.

This ain't no "Dirty Thirty" Birthday party!!

28w4d

29w2d today and we're closing in on the thirties.  It's like my thirtieth birthday party all over again except this time there's no slinky dress and cocktails to be had, only an ever expanding belly, a shrinking stomach, backaches, and anxiety over the idea that HE'S ALMOST HERE!

Anybody who knows me knows that I'm a planner, and very organized.  Being in my line of work, with what I do, having two jobs, taking care of a husband, two dogs, and a house, I *have* to be.  I know that once the roller coaster of JP's arrival dies down, we will fall into a routine that will fit our life and make everything work.  I know we will.  What's hard right now is the fact that we're approaching the time where he could make his arrival any day and we don't have those few necessary items one needs for a newborn.  The car seat, a bouncer, a swing, a pack-in-play, a stockpile of diapers and wipes, *formula!!* (I've been told to wait till he's born so we know what type works with him), BOTTLES, bibs, or baby wash.  People keep telling me to wait until our shower's are done to figure out what we need to purchase on our own, which I understand, it's just so hard to not grab my credit card, rush out right now and get everything our precious little boy is going to need and get it all organized, washed, and put away!  Gah!

At least I can take solace in the fact that we are closing in on the daycare option for our little boy, and while I'm still freaked out beyond belief on actually being able to pay for that, *and* insurance, *and* hospital bills, *and* diapers & formula, *and* knowing that my paycheck is going to be severely hurt next year, it's nice knowing that we've found some good options for his care while we're out making a living to make sure he has the best life possible.  

So maybe I'll just go ahead and throw myself a "Dirty Thirty" birthday party next Saturday when I officially hit the 30weeks mark.  Maybe that will calm my nerves and make me feel better...then again, I should probably just save the money and put it in my special savings place for our little boy cause he needs a celebration more than I do.

30th Birthday

A room for our boy...

24weeks

So I made a plan and I stuck with it.  I wanted to have his room done by the end of this week and I wrapped it all up on Thursday!  Reason being this was my full week off from everything, school, Drum Line, GC; everything.  Now I can focus on enjoying my summer, saving money for the stroller/travel system, sitting by the pool, getting my Drum Line ready to go, and taking naps.  Good times :)  So enjoy what I've done for our baby boy!  I hope he likes it when he can finally appreciate it.  ;)

Convertible Crib & Changer to double as clothing storage as well

Tim's grandmother's rocker & new dresser.  Redid the lamp

DH's old shadow box boat made new!

Shelving unit with fabric baskets for books, toys, & whatnot

Letters painted. Big J, and big P going above his crib but I had already bought these so figured I'd use them!

 

I am who I am because of you...

As I sit here with my doggies snuggled up against me, and my baby boy bouncing around in my tummy, I am in awe of what is to come in the next few months and would like to take a moment to thank the "OGM" in my life...my mother.  I love you to the end of the universe and back, and can only hope to be half the wonderful mother to our baby boy as you were too me.  Here's a poem for you, on this mother's day.

34 years ago, almost to the day,

I entered this world,

and changed yours forever,

I have just a few things to say.

I am who I am because of you,

and I'd have it no other way.

I know what I know because of you,

and I hope I can do the same.

You held me and you loved me,

You wiped my tears away.

I loved you unconditionally,

There was nothing else to say.

You taught me and you watched me,

Concerned along the way

"Am I doing this right?  Will she turn out just fine?"

So let me tell you today...

I am who I am because of you,

and I'd have it no other way.

I know what I know because of you,

and I hope I can do the same.

A mother's love, it knows no bounds,

it simply just astounds.

The depth and breadth of which you loved me sure,

has rooted me to the ground.

 

I am who I am because of you,

and I'd have it no other way.

I know what I know because of you,

and I hope I can do the same.

You gave me life, you taught me life,

You let me walk away.

I became a woman, I became a wife,

soon to celebrate my own Mother's Day.

I hope I can do, and let my child know,

Just what they mean to me.  

For what you did, and how you showed,

is just what a Mother should be. 

I am who I am because of you,

and I'd have it no other way.

I know what I know because of you,

and I hope I can do the same.

Love you mom! Happy Mother's Day!!

Oh Boy, it's a BOY!

Thursday May 10th we went for our anatomy and gender scan and boy was I excited!!!  I told myself I would leave school by 1:15 to get to the appointment about ten minutes early and it took ALL of my flippin' willpower to stay there that long!  Eek!!  *Finally* the clock showed 1:15 and I ran outta there so fast I'm not sure if the door closed behind me or not *laugh*.

I arrived at the doctor's office before Tim and got myself checked in.  He arrived moments before our sonogram tech called us back for the fun to begin :)  She got me situated, put the warm gel on my belly, and as soon as she touched down we were greeted with our boy!!!

It's a Boy!

I started crying in joy, the sonogram gave a sigh of relief that she hadn't been wrong at the previous appt *laugh*, and Tim was Tim...quietly estactic.  

He's got Tim's legs, I can tell already

Our gal then went on to measure all his pieces and parts, check the heart, listen to the blood flow, measure his arms and legs, and scope out the umbilical cord.  It's quite humerous to me all the "Negative Ned's and Nancy's" out there who gave the whole (said in a snotty tone) "Well you know, that baby may not cooperate to show the goods so you'll probably have to go back".  You know what he was shy about showing??  HIS FACE!  He was turned towards my back for a majority of the time, all nestled up against the placenta, and even though he was super active, he didn't really want to turn around and when he did he kept his hands/arms up around his face *laugh*.  I think we may have to swaddle him like that when he's here for real.

Hiding his face

After some prodding from our tech, he *finally* showed us a sneak peek into what he looks like.  Can't wait to see him for real! 

There he is!  Head, chest and umbilical cord!

So now we know we are welcoming little JP Stout into our lives this coming September and we can't wait.  I get to start figuring out the nursery now which is fabulous, and we're going to get the registry done today, and maybe buy the crib! Eek!!  I leave you with some more pics from the sonogram, a glimpse into our baby's world as he kicks away inside me :)

Sucking his thumb

Closeup of face w/hand to the left

His perfectly formed, 4-chamber heart

Practicing his fishing cast!

 

A Goodbye to "The Five"

I can't believe it.  Two more weeks and my babies graduate and go out into the real world forever.  It's so hard to comprehend it's crazy.  These boys have been a source of strength, inspiration, and hope of the future for me these past four years.  

Cougar Pride Drum Line '08-'09

I first "got them" when they were Freshmen.  They were so tiny!  Even my "Big Man" had yet to really reach his big man potential yet *laugh*.  I remember being told by my junior and seniors, at the time, that this incoming group was "tight", "fire", "really good", etc...and all I could think was "Mmmm-hmmmm...we'll see".

A few memories from that first year: Sean and his insatiable need to be the comedian.  Forrest and his little twisties.  Jeff and his inability to find his LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!  Kris who was *so* quiet and Tevin who literally stepped into the role of bottom bass drum about three weeks after we had already begun.  This kid showed up with Jeff to rehearsal, I said "Here's your stuff, here's your drum, hold on tight and let's go!"  He picked it up like a champ especially since he was an Orchestra convert.

Cougar Pride Drum Line '09-'10

Their Sophomore year brought our first competition ever.  I had tried for about two or three years prior to get us ready for the Carrollton Drum Line competition but to no avail.  I had as of yet hit my stride as an instructor, and had yet to have a group of kids who ALL wanted to be involved in the extra work that's required to do what we do.  I finally struck gold with the group pictured above.  I was *SO* nervous that day.  Had we prepared "Cheetah" enough, was the crowd going to like it, were the*judges* going to like it..would we place within the top three?!?!  We achieved all that and more.  They made me so proud, they played their hearts out, and we brought home the 2nd place trophy.  We were estactic.   That spring, we finished out the year with a I at Districts with our "A Few Good Men" ensemble that we then took to State and brought home a I as well. :)

Golden Eagle Drum Line '10-'11

 Junior year.  What a year.  Not only were we no longer the Cougar Pride Drum Line due to the consolidation, we were now the Golden Eagle Drum Line, but my diagnosis with breast cancer had come down a few months prior and the day before this picture (@Race for the Cure, KC) was taken I had undergone another round of chemo with one or two more yet to go.  I'll never forget the day I told my boys I had breast cancer.  Oy.  Talk about punching someone in the gut.  I invite you to read the original post I wrote about it here  They were so strong.  They, including my new kids, wrapped me in strength, support, and love.  Visibly shown by my "Big Man" holding me in his arms.  They stepped up to the plate when it was needed, took care of me, and made sure we defended our trophy at Carrollton and Raytown with the performance of "Grizzly" with ease.  Then that spring when I was all better and had returned to some semblance of normalcy, we took Districts by storm with a I on "Synergy", and a II on "Centrifugal".  "Synergy" then went onto State, and earned a I.  My favorite memory from that year was at the Percussion Banquet when "The Five", my five, presented me with this...the "Survivor Award".  Best damn gift, and up to that point the *only* gift I've ever received from my students.  

Me and "The Five" w/my Survivor Award

Golden Eagle Drum Line '11-'12

Their Senior year had arrived.  Man how time flies!  We were a force to be reckoned with this year.  I wanted to make sure we topped ourselves in every way possible and did we ever.  I put together a pit, which for those of you that don't know that means my Drum Line had a front ensemble of mallet instruments, timpani, and "toys", for the first time ever.  The two years prior our show was just the Drum Line (around 11-12 kids) and was *maybe* a minute and thirty seconds in length.  This year, however, we were 17 strong and I wound up having to CUT a piece from our show because it was over the 5minute time limit! *wide eyed stare*.  We have never worked so hard.  I invite you to watch their video from the Carrollton competition here Feel free to peruse their (archived) website/ (new) facebook page as well.  Many years of photos and videos documenting their hardwork can be found on both pages.  We literally worked ourselves into the ground and were rewarded with our second place trophy again, but *this* year we only missed first by three points, which was amazing in and of itself. 

State, 2012

 Just a few days ago we traveled to The University of Missouri where they *all* worked their magic and brought home a I Superior rating for their performance of "Bound for Marakesh"

"Bound for Marakesh" ensemble

 These boys have set the standard for everyone who will come behind and have plans to train the incoming flock seeing as it's a rebuilding year for me.  I am going to miss these boys like no other.  Yet again, I say that about my Seniors every year *laugh*.  They are leaving a huge void to be filled, but I know that through time others will step up to the plate and finish what they have started.

So to "MY Five" ;) I wish you well as you embark on this next chapter of your life.  May you find whatever it is you're looking for and grow into yourselves and the fine men you are becoming more and more with each passing day.  You have truly made these past four years a joyous wonder and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done for me, for us, and for the Line.  Your memory will live on forever. 

Much love, Mama Stout

The ever expanding waistline is here!

I will never again take my waistline for granted.  

About ten or twelve years ago I made the decision to get healthy.  *Real* healthy.  I'd flitted around the edges of exercise and proper eating for a few years before that, but the college diet of beer, pizza, and late nights won out every time then one day things just changed.  I decided that enough was enough and I was going to take the bull by the horns and figure this whole "healthy lifestyle" thing out.  

I quickly figured out that I was way more comfortable being a dvd/video tape girl than I was in a gym or exercise class.  That's when my love affair with exercise began.  In one short hour I could transform my body with no one around to watch me huff, puff, grunt, and wheeze.  I also discovered what adding in healthy foods and drinking water did for me instead of fast food and diet pop.  It's quite amazing, isn't it?!  Then eight and a half years ago when Tim proposed, I did what any sane bride-to-be does and ramped it up a notch, or ten *laugh* to get into that shape that everyone wants to be on that most important day in their life.  What is that, you ask?  Whatever the best shape for your body is...that's what I'm talking about.  At that point, this was a way of life for me and it felt great.  I was fit, I was toned, and best of all, I had achieved the body I'd always wanted.     

Too a certain degree that is...

You see, as a girl, a woman, it is utterly IMPOSSIBLE to be completely one-hundred-percent *happy* with your figure.  Hell, I remember on my wedding day when I was the fittest I'd ever been thinking "If only I'd done this or that or not eaten this or that, my pooch would be a touch smaller, my butt a tad higher, or my arms just *that* much more toned".  Silly isn't it?  I guess that's why life throws you curve balls to remind you that you really DID and DO have it good.

My first curve ball was the breast cancer.  There were many things said too me in those early days in regards to my health and how that was most important above all, but there's one statement that really stuck with me and I'm not sure if that person who said it ever really realized the impact it made on me.  Her name is Colleen and she is the fabulous wife of a very dear friend who I had the great opportunity to work with for many years and I miss them both dearly.  She was one of the first people I called when I got my diagnosis because she was in med school at KU at the time and all I could think was "She'll know what to do!", and at the very least I figured she could take the doctor language and translate it into regular English for me to understand better.  We went to lunch one day and I was spinning off into the ethernet of "what if's" and "holy schneikes I'm scared out of my wits!" yet there was also the element of "What is going to happen to my body?  How is this going to affect my figure?!"  Vain, I know, but it was there.  She looked at me and said "Honey.  It's just going to be an inconvenient year, that's all.  You'll get it back.  You'll get it *all* back; you'll see."

You know what?  She was right.  When I was caught down in the dregs of chemo exhaustion and it was all I could do to just get up and get through the day I repeated that phrase in my mind.  When I grew weaker and lost strength in my arms to the point that I could barely push out five push-ups, I repeated that phrase too myself.  When I felt gross, unattractive, out of shape, and generally yucky; I repeated it again, and again, and again.  It got me through and it proved true.

It will prove true this time as well.  As I feel and, more importantly, *see* this new life growing inside of me I find myself repeating that phrase more as of late.  I appreciate my level of fitness prior to pregnancy more now than I probably did a short four and a half months ago.  I'm trying to *not* beat myself up over the loss of strength in areas of my body because the truth is that I *WILL* get it back when the time is right.  I'm embracing the scale as the numbers rise even though it was initially really hard because I've been SO fixated on that certain number for *SO* long that as it's slowly been left behind it's been hard, and weird, yet liberating.  I am now at the weight I was back in high school and while I understand what needs to happen, and will embrace my new body with all my heart, it is hard to see that number yet again, *but*, THIS time, it's a healthier number and I'm fully aware of that and am embracing it as much as I can.

So, goodbye small waistline that I never fully appreciated to begin with, I promise that when I get you back, I shall not be as critical of you as I once was and that I will embrace whatever new curves are permanently in place.  Till then...*blows a kiss*