Stout's Spontaneous Evolution

Working it Out

2012-02-10T21:05:00.000-06:00

The following is from a Guest Blogger by the name of Davis Haas who stumbled across my blog and wanted to write a guest spot. I've never had anyone ask me that before and I thought "Sure! Why not?!"

Here is his contact info:
David Haas Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance Guest Blogger,
http://about.me/haasblaag

I hope you enjoy reading it!

Working it Out, by David Haas

If you have been recently diagnosed with cancer; run, don't walk to your nearest
gym. Do not wait for treatment to be over to start working on building a healthier
body and doing all you can to prevent this dreaded disease from coming back once
it's gone. An interdisciplinary panel of experts has put together set of guidelines and
have strongly advocated the importance of physical fitness for both during and after
treatment. The National Cancer Institute put a spotlight on these recommendations
in their article, “Guidelines Urge Exercise For Cancer Patients, Survivors”.

Okay, the "run, don't walk" remark is not to be taken too literally. It really only
means to that exercise should be taken into account very seriously. Although some
cancer patients, whether they are diagnosed with a rare disease like mesothelioma
or a common one like breast cancer, can actually perform certain exercises while
their cancer is still an active issue. However, many patients will need to adjust their
activity level to accommodate their illness. Before heading to the gym, do some
research and find out the appropriate accommodations and fitness needs for your
specific type of cancer and cancer treatment.

Some cancers are wasting diseases where keeping weight on and maintaining
adequate muscle mass are of vital importance and basic goals for any fitness
program during treatment. Other cancers are routinely treated in a manner which
typically leads to excess weight gain. In these cases, fitness programs should be
tailored towards trying to limit excess weight gain. Also, some treatments can
have serious fitness related side effects like leaving bones brittle and vulnerable
to breaking. It is very important to be aware of such issues and tailor your fitness
regimen to account for them so as to not create new health issues while trying to
work your way out of cancer.

In all cases, fitness programs during treatment should have a fundamental goal of
maintaining and improving basic quality of life. This includes goals like maintaining
energy levels, reducing the side effects of treatment and reducing pain. In addition
to improving basic body functions, working out can help improve one’s self-image.
The importance of how you feel about yourself and how you perceive yourself
during treatment should not be underestimated. Survival may depend on how
diligently you work at surviving. Feeling good enough about yourself to feel you
have reason to live can make a critical difference in just how diligent you are in your
daily routines.

Work out for yourself and get back on the path of seeking normalcy and happiness
while both in and out of treatment. Exercise may be not be the cure to cancer;
however, it can regain vitally, a positive spirit and leave you feeling like your healthy
self you once knew.

Merry Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, Festivus, Boxing Day, New Year's, etc, etc, etc...did I cover them all?

2011-12-21T09:23:00.000-06:00

Taken from Facebook - unknown origin

As the holiday's approach, or if yours is in full swing right now, I make a nation wide wish for us all...GET OVER YOURSELF. That's right, you read it correctly, get over yourself and your holiday/religion. It's all so silly too fight over. This is supposed to be a joyful time of year for all holiday's involved and instead I feel as though I'm doing something criminal when I wish a "Merry Christmas!" to people I run into. Like I'm forcing it down their throats or something. I would love for someone to wish me a "Happy Chanukah!", I think it would be neat! I would then wish them a "Merry Christmas" right back because we are both celebrating our separate holidays with the same lovely intention.
Wish me a Happy Kwanza, Boxing Day, FESTIVUS (and if you don't know what Festivus is I feel terribly sorry for you), Christmas or Chanukah; I promise I won't bite your head off with holiday negativity about equality for all or "Don't push your religion down my throat!" malarkey. I will accept the greeting in the spirit in which it is intended and respond in kind.

I hope your holiday is just what you want and is a fabulous time filled with family, friends, and great food. That is my wish for us all. SO...next time you see me wish me YOUR holiday cheer because I'm wishing everyone a "Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!"

I gave us the gift of health this holiday season; won't you join us?

2011-12-01T06:41:00.000-06:00

About a month ago, my sister brought a fabulous product into my awareness. It's called JuicePlus+. I wouldn't be that surprised if some of you out there have heard of it, it's been around for quite a while, but this is the first I've heard of it and I'm hooked.

The premise is quite simple, really. Let's face it...NONE of us really and truly get the recommended amount of fruits and veggies we need in a day to not only fuel our body but to *heal* our body and keep it healthy. Even I, the self-proclaimed health nut of our family, can't get the recommended amount in daily. Try as I might it just doesn't happen. Sure, I load my grocery cart up with fruits and veggies every shopping trip and cook a considerable amount of them, but quite frankly most of the fruit (except grapes, oranges, and nectarines) gets over-ripe and gets thrown out, and most of the veggies follow the same fate even though I cook and eat more of those than fruit.

http://www.stouttakesjuiceplus.com

So here's the question..."HOW can we get the recommended daily amount without spending a fortune and then throwing said fortune away?"

Think about it for a second. *If* (and this is a big if), *IF* you were to purchase enough fruits and vegetables *just for yourself* to fulfill the 17 servings (or even on the low end of 9) for one day, how much would you eat? How much would you spend? How much would you throw away?? Uh-huh, that's what I thought. Here's what JuicePlus+ has too offer all of us...

(Taken directly from "The next best thing to fruits and vegetable" brochure for JuicePlus+)

"JuicePlus+ helps bridge the gap between what you *should* eat and what you *actually* eat. JuicePlus+ is the convenient and inexpensive way to add more nutrition from fruits and vegetables to your diet, every day. JuicePlus+ Orchard Blend is made from 7 different fruits (apple, orange, pineapple, cranberry, papaya, peaches, and acerola cherry). JuicePlus+ Garden Blend is made from 10 different vegetables and grains (carrot, parsley, beet, kale, broccoli, cabbage, spinach, tomato, oat bran and brown rice bran)...Just *two* JuicePlus+ Orchard Blend and two JuicePlus+ Garden Blend capsules every day are all it takes to experience real benefits from adding more nutrition from fruits and vegetables to your diet."

http://www.stouttakesjuiceplus.com

THIS IS NOT A VITAMIN OR A SUPPLEMENT! It's *REAL FOOD*. It's *WHOLE NUTRITION*. What does this mean, you ask? It means that JuicePlus+ not only contains a wider variety of naturally occurring vitamins than vitamin supplements, but it also contains phytonutrients and antioxidants which are ESSENTIAL to maintaining good health.

How is it made? They start with fresh, high quality fruits and veggies that are pesticide and contaminant free. They juice the fruits and veggies first, then concentrate it into powders using a ..."proprietary, low-temperature process". Why low-temperature? Have you ever heard or used the statement "Man, those (insert vegetable of choice here) were cooked within an inch of their life!"

I have.

It's quite simple. When fruits and veggies are overcooked, they lose their nutritional value. It's cooked right out of them. Hence the low-temperature process makes sure you get all the nutrients you need to improve your health and keep you healthy.

http://www.stouttakesjuiceplus.com

Here are some shocking (at least they were too me) results from a sampling of studies done on JuicePlus+ (which, by the way is one of the most researched products of it's kind out there).

The following statistics are taken from my informational brochure information as an Independent Distributor of JuicePlus+, the studies will be in ( ).

*80 million people have some form of heart disease (American Heart Association)

*1 in 3 women and 1 in 2 men will have cancer in his or her lifetime (National Cancer Institute) **Let me say that right here this statistic has been reached, because I know at least two other women who read my blog, and I would be the third that has had cancer**

*Over 20 million children and adults have diabetes (American Diabetes Association) **Raise your hand if you know someone with diabetes *raises hand* I do**

*64% of adults are overweight (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) **We know that's true, all you have to do is step outside your door and go to any public place. Obesity reigns supreme and that's so, so sad**

*About 59% of adults *do not* engage in any vigorous leisure-time physical activity (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) **Are you kidding me?!?! Exercise is so important, as is proper nutrition!**

*Our national health care expenditures were 2 trillion (TWO TRILLION!!!!!!!) in 2005, or $6,700 per person (National Coalition on Health Care) **I wonder what it is NOW and I wonder if we could really, truly take back our health AND health-care system by simply taking JuicePlus+ every day**

http://www.stouttakesjuiceplus.com

NOW here are the shocking statistics ABOUT OUR CHILDREN, the *future* of this world, the generations that are supposed to propel this world forward into the future...it's scary people, and very very sad.

*By the age of 12, an estimated 70% of our children have developed the beginning stages of hardening of the arteries (Bogalusa Heart Study) **I've been told there is *chewable* LIPITOR for children now. How sad is that? Do you realize that by feeding your child nothing but fast, convenient, and not-so-healthy options you are signing their death certificate? Breaks my heart**

*1 in 3 Americans born in 2000 will develop diabetes (Journal of the American Medical Association)

*1 in 4 children is obese (International Journal of Obesity) **Again; walk out your door and go to a public place. This is true**

*Nearly 50% of obese adolescents remain obese as adults (International Journal of Obesity) **Just watch Biggest Loser**

*7% of school age children are diagnosed with ADHD (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

*Over 93% of all children and adolescents *do not consume* the recommended 3 servings of vegetables per day (Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine) **Yesterday morning on Fox4 News, they ran a story on this. It was said that teenagers consume LESS THAN ONE SERVING A DAY and shockingly boys consumed more than girls. How can they live their best life without fruits and veggies?**

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THIS?!?!

The US government has spent billions trying to find a cure for heart disease, cancer, and other diseases. The conclusion?? Disease is *easier* to PREVENT THAN TO CURE. Government recommendation?? EAT 7-13 SERVINGS OF FRESH FRUITS AND VEGGIES A DAY, yet almost no-one does.

So what does JuicePlus+ do for you? http://www.stouttakesjuiceplus.com

It delivers key antioxidants that are actually absorbed by the body (i.e. gets into your bloodstream, a lot of vitamins don't), it reduces oxidative stress caused by free radicals (translation: it combats the bad things in our food/environment that cause us to age prematurely and develop disease). It positively impacts markers of systemic inflammation (those of you with lupus and fibromyalgia would greatly benefit from JP+), it helps support the immune system, helps protect our DNA, and promotes cardiovascular wellness. ("Results of independent clinical research studies published in peer-reviewed journals").

The end kicker is this...the combo of the Orchard Blend and Garden Blend for an adult is around $1.50 a day *and* if you sign up for a year you can sponsor a child (ages 4-18) FREE FOR A YEAR!!! Who wouldn't want to give themselves the benefit of good health while giving it too their child, FOR FREE, as well??? And again I ask...can you buy all the fruits and veggies you & your family need for $1.50 A DAY? I think not.

We all know we need to take better care of ourselves. Our bodies are a wonderous, mysterious machine that we have yet to unlock all the secrets about. Until we start taking better care of ourselves in terms of FEEDING OURSELVES CORRECTLY to *power* our body, to *nourish* our body, to *HEAL* our body, we will never live too our full potential. We will never turn this world around. We will never have a better health care system, and we will harm the future generations of children even yet too be born.

I don't know about you, but I don't want that for this world. I don't want that for our children, for MY children. I'm always striving to become a better version of myself, to become a healthier version of myself, and too live my best life possible. JuicePlus+ is turning my health and that of my husband's around; won't you join us?

http://www.stouttakesjuiceplus.com

Maintaining my balance while the year flies by

2011-11-27T08:25:00.000-06:00

I can't believe it's November. I can't believe that Thanksgiving has come and gone...#craziness. It definitely does *not* seem like just yesterday that I was running around like crazy getting through marching season, oh no, that seems like a million years ago already. I just can't believe that this semester is almost over and that we're rapidly approaching Christmas Break!

Ahhh!!!

Where does the time go? Does it just slip by unnoticed until one day we look up from our cell phones, computer screens, conference calls, pile of paperwork/dishes/laundry, and notice all of a sudden that it's farking NOVEMBER?! Or does it just move by at the pace it always has and we just have to hang on for dear life because if we don't we'll get thrown off into the stratosphere then spend the next week and a half playing catch up?*laugh*

IF you know me, you know that I lead a cram-packed life, and while many people don't understand what I do, why I do it, or exactly *how* I find my balance let me assure you I do. I find it in the simple times like this where I'm home *early* on a Wednesday and am sitting still for an hour. That's enough time for me to re-charge my batteries then tackle the evening to-do list to keep things running smoothly. I also find my balance in my to-do list. Knowing me and loving me means knowing that I am very particular in how my house and in how my life are run. I like order, cleanliness, structure, and comfort knowing that, for the most part, things are going to pan out pretty much how I need them too. That may not be the way I *planned* it, necessarily, but it's always goes the way it needs to go.

I find my balance in that 30minute hot bath and 30minute workout in the morning before getting ready for work. I find it in that first sip of the *sweet nectar of the gods* before getting in the tub. I find it in successfully maneuvering through my day and realizing that *yes* I AM a teacher, I DO know what I'm doing, and I DO IT WELL. Do I screw up? Absolutely. Do I second guess myself? Heck yes!; but that's what it's all about.

I found my balance this morning by getting out of bed at 3:45. Buck woke me up at three to go out & go potty, then woke me up at 3:30 to go out again. When I went back to bed, I pulled Lilly up for a good half hour of Lilly-snuggles only to have her kick, nudge & lick my chin, sigh, and grumble for me to rub her belly; so I got up. It was glorious. I took a 45minute hot bath, and did an hour of yoga, then got ready, packed my lunch, loaded up my car, and hit the road for work at 6:30am. I'm pretty proud of myself.

The balance this afternoon/evening is jetting right after school to get home and spend some time with my dogs, (and my house), before Tim gets home from hunting and I make dinner. I immediately slow my pace when I set foot on our driveway. There's no rush, no pressure, no nothing when I finally get home. Sure there's always the ever-present *to-do* list running through my brain but I'm able to push them aside for a bit and slow.*thetruck*.down. I love it when I come home. Buck & Lilly are excited as all get out when I get to the door, and it's always #pinkheartsandbutterflies to see their goofy faces even if Buck's barking can be a bit much. We have a huge reunion then start the routine. Yes, even for my down-time there's a routine; especially when it comes to the dogs. We have our "OH my goodness I'm so glad you're home!" moment, then we go get the mail where they can check out the front and side yards. Usually another kissy-kissy moment as they move across to the side yard, and that's when their body language and barks change too "Ball! Hey! Ball time! Now! nownownownownownownow!! Ball.Ball.Ball.Ball!"

It's quite funny actually. *laugh*

Buck will then beat me to the door because *heaven forbid* I forget about him and playing B.A.Double L. Upstairs to put stuff away, and most importantly change from the school clothes to something super comfortable. Starting some chores next, usually laundry, then gathering up what I want to take outside with me, which at this point Buck is bouncing up and down literally salivating at the prospect of playing BALL and Lilly is barking her head off like a crazy person. Outside for about 30min of play time, then I come back in so they run the yard, then I just get to SIT. I try to sit for an hour. To just rest. To relax. To do absolutely nothing but exactly what I want. *Sigh*, it's lovely. I'm currently 5minutes away from my hour being over and the first thing on my list is flipping the laundry and sweeping the basement floor. After that I'll finish up the reindeer games, give a new workout tape a try, then take a hot bath and get ready for work. The balance that I constantly am working on is the knowledge that if I don't get everything done it's OKAY because there's always tomorrow.

Where do you find your balance?

First major milestone come and gone...

2011-10-16T08:05:00.000-05:00

One year ago yesterday I was undergoing a bi-lateral mastectomy in an effort to greatly reduce my chances of the cancer coming back, and also in hopes to get rid of all that was left as well. I woke up in recovery groggily asking "Am I clear? What about the lymph-nodes?", it wasn't until a few hours later when Dr. Ryan came by again that I grasped the fact that he had told me numerous times "The markers were clear, there's no sign of cancer left", I was relieved.

Now I've hit the huge milestone of being cancer free for a whole year. My how time has flown. I still have six months, or so, to go until I'm out of the "risk of recurrence" stage, and I can hang with that. I think cancer learned a big lesson when it decided to invade my body...it's not coming back (at least we can hope).

So thank you for the support over the past year and a half. Thank you for going along on this journey with me, and continuing still. While I wished for lots of things to happen yesterday, it's okay that I celebrated the day away mostly in solitude. Brunch with the girls was perfect in the morning, then the afternoon to myself was just fine. I won't be selfish and say what I wish would have happened, because in truth I'm a year cancer free and that's all that matters.

So in the month of Breast Cancer Awareness please make sure to get yourself checked, and if you've already found something *please* go to your doctor and get it checked out. Early detection saves lives and you can't fix the problem until you know what the problem is.

It's all an illusion I tell you...all an illusion.

2011-10-12T09:19:00.000-05:00

Me the Teacher

I have found myself, as of late, using this phrase a lot "It's all an illusion I tell you...all an illusion". I use it when I'm given praise, complimented, or recognized for something positive and I'm not really sure where it came from or why it's stuck around so far but it amuses me, and I relate to it on a visceral level that I can't quite explain.

Allow me to try...

First my hair went away

I am coming to believe, realize, *know*; whatever word you want to use there, that some profound shifts took place in me over the course of the past year as I battled breast cancer. One in particular was the loss of my sense of beauty. First my hair went, which I had been growing out for so long and had *finally* reached a length I loved; then they took from me what is, too me, fundamental in being a woman. They took my girls right off my chest and put foreign objects there, in their place. Talk about weird. Losing that sense of beauty took me to a level of pure, oh I don't know, purse sense of self maybe? There was no hiding who I was, what I looked like, or what I was going through. That was me, the real me, take it or leave it.

And then they took my girls

Now, I'm not saying that I'm hiding or anything like that; but there is a certain level of...*difference* between who I was before cancer, who I was during it, and who I am now. So what's the illusion I speak of? What does it mean? Why do I say it in reference to myself? I've come to feel that something bigger than any of us could even *begin* to comprehend is going to happen in the next few years. I don't know what, and I certainly don't know when, but it's going to happen and when it does, we will all be revealed for who we truly are, and the true reality in which we are to live. So this, then, this life that we are all trying to carefully craft, nurture, and direct into where we want it to be because that's where *we* see ourselves in five, ten, fifteen years down the road, are undeniably #Crazy and are living in our illusion.

In the chemo chair

I sound crazy don't I? And maybe I am, and I'm fine with that. *laugh* it's just that after going through something as stupid as breast cancer, it just seems all so pointless to try and control everything in my life. It makes much more sense to enjoy what I'm doing, to do it to the fullest extent of my ability, to not sweat the small stuff, and to watch myself closer because every single choice I make effects every thing else in some way so I want to make sure it's a positive effect indeed.

Me the Drum Line/Band Director

Now, don't get me wrong and don't misunderstand. There are certainly things I do & say that I am not proud of, and kick myself in the pants over after it's said and done...but I'm working on that. Yet that's what we are all, really, aren't we? Works in progress. We're constantly evolving into, hopefully, better versions of ourselves than we were the day prior. Whether these changes take place because *we* wanted them too, or because something happened (or didn't), or because the divine spirits that reside above decided we needed too. We're all aiming to become the best version of ourselves we can.

Our fifth anniversary spent at chemo

That's what I want for me, for you, for my students, for my husband, my family, hell even my dogs. I want us ALL to start living the best life we possibly can as the best possible version of ourselves that we can. So OWN YOURSELF. Know that every single decision you make ripples throughout this world and affects everything. Whether it be positive, negative, big, or small; it affects us all.

Think on it for a while. You may just see my crazy talk has some truth too it and if not that's okay, I'm going to keep living my life the best way I know how, enjoying it the best way I know how, being thankful for everyday I get, and continue to work on becoming the best version of myself I possibly can be until the truth is revealed to all of us.

Carrollton Band Day, 2011

2011-09-25T01:47:00.001-05:00


2011 RHS Golden Eagle Drum Line and first ever PIT!

They did it again; they captured 2nd place at Carrollton in the Indoor Drum Line Competition! We also captured 1st on the field with the Band, 2nd in the parade with the Band, and the Guard captured 2nd in indoor auxillary, and 1st in field auxillary!

They did me proud again, and it was a successful day all around for all. :)


Lined up and ready to go!

My labor of love

2011-09-17T18:43:00.000-05:00

Last April I decided on what the Indoor Drum Line show was going to be. I had the kids listen to it and then they put in their two cents...the deal was done. It was to be an adventure and we weren't quite sure how it was going to pan out. The first step was securing people for a front ensemble, or PIT. I had a couple of girls jump at the chance when first presented with it, then the brother of one of the boys on the Line. We picked up two orchestra girls along the way, and put one of the cymbal players on Timpani to finish it out.

It was time to start rehearsing.

We hit the ground running the first Tuesday in June; meeting three days a week for three hours each day, and haven't looked back since. We started with the "easy" piece, and I say "easy" because the only easy thing about it is that it's in 4. The first couple of rehearsals I drove home thinking "What in goodness name am I doing?!" There were also some days I thought "This isn't gonna work..." *laugh* How wrong I was. The kids are working and have worked so hard it's ridiculous and it is coming together splendidly. One more week of rehearsal to go and then it's show time. I'm ready...

...Almost.

We have about four and a half hours of rehearsal left, and one hour of warm-up/polish the day of. It's absolutely enough time; we're going to kick this competitions' rear. *laugh* We're going to rock the house and that's what matters. Yes there are things still that we need to polish and work on, and there's always something that could be better down to the very last minute. I'm just saying that we're in a very good place and it's nice knowing that we're going to be completely prepared for our competition on Saturday. It feels good knowing that although we did not get the amount of rehearsal time that is our due, we are prepared none the less. Good stuff.

Here is a link to a performance of our competition show Friday at Bartle Hall at the Black Expo. There's a few wobbles and bobbles and other things to fix, it was a damn good run through and I'm proud to put it out there. I hope you enjoy it. Competition Show 2011

Now, if you'll excuse me I gotta get back to some work for Drum Line for Tuesday's rehearsal. Lots to do you know...

I'm having an excellent school year so far! Are you?

2011-09-11T11:02:00.000-05:00

My 9th school year started about a week after school let out for the summer as we dived right into Drum Line rehearsals to prepare our show for this competition season. We put in some serious time this summer; 9 hours a week for about six or seven weeks and while I don't want to get too excited or anything because we've had MAJOR obstacles thrown in our way....but...everything seems to be falling into place. I'm also feeling that way about my school year in general. Maybe it's because last year I was dealing with the whole cancer bullcheezits, or maybe I'm just hitting a bit of a stride where things are starting to click for me, I don't know. What I *do* know is that I like it.

Our show this year, regardless of whether we place or not, is outstanding. We've pulled off a front ensemble, and are playing three pieces, not just one. In fact, we had to cut one piece entirely because the show was too long! *laugh* I'm crazy. We are pulling two late Tuesday nights in order to get extra time in before the 24th. It's unfortunate we can't do it after school but there's such a conflict with uneven compromising that we have no other choice. That's okay though because quite frankly at this point what I'm most stressed about is moving the pit IN and OUT as quickly as possible each time and having one or two full group rehearsals prior to competition. I think in the grand scheme of things that's a pretty good place to be sitting. Don't get me wrong; there are *plenty* of things to nit-pick and there will be lots of that going on these next two weeks.

But before Carrollton we've got some dry runs of being in front of people, not playing our show granted, but parade's and the like. It's good to get the kids out doing stuff like that before putting them on the field or the basketball court to do their show(s). Get's their nerves out about performing in public. We had our first appearance yesterday at KU Band Day. The kids did great, they really stepped it up a notch or two and gave it their all. *tear* I can't wait for next Saturday's KC Royal Parade for them to work those last performance jitters out so then when Carrollton hits they'll be "seasoned pros" on the parade route *laugh*. It's also a good thing that they'll have two football games for the marching show before Carrollton as well. That should help boost their confidence come gut-check time. :)

Mental Note: I need to figure out a public dry run of their indoor Drum Line Show...that's what I really need to do...

So we're off and running. I told Tim my schedule for this week: Monday home around 7 after Rental Night, Tuesday home around 830 after extra/late Drum Line rehearsal, Wednesday I hope to be the early day (4pm), but we'll see. Thursday home around 9 after Drum Line and Band rehearsal, Friday home around 10/1030 after first home football game, then Saturday is the KC Royal Parade, ending my week w/work at GC Sunday night. I wrapped it all up in a smile and said "Love you, see you in October". *laugh* It's crazy busy but I love it and I love them. I hope this school year continues to be just as productive, rewarding, frustrating, and enlightening as these first few weeks have been.

I'm sure these guys will make sure it does. Golden Eagle Drum Line 2011, KU Band Day

Twas convocation eve when all through the school...

2011-08-09T16:47:00.000-05:00

Not a Cougar was stirring, not even a mouse. Ken and his team cleaned the building with care, anticipating that many students soon would be there. The teachers were busy putting together their rooms, while visions of AYP and MAP scores danced through the school. Principal Davis in her pant suit, and the VP's in their ties, had just awoken their brains from a long summer's respite. When out on the front lawn there arose such a clatter, I ran from the band room to see what was the matter. Away to the front mall I flew like an Eagle, tore open the front doors and saw lots of people! The sun on the gleam of the newly mown grass gave the lustre of heatwaves to objects in brass. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a Marching Band, an Eagle, and a community sincere. With a smart looking Band, so big and so bright, I knew in a moment this fledgling bird would take flight. More rapid than Cougars the Marching Band they came; they whistled, and shouted, and called them by name! "Now Drum Line! Now Trumpets! Now Piccolos, and Flags! On Baritone! On Clarinets! On Sousaphone's, and Sax! To the top of the hill! To the front of the school! Now March away! March away! March away all!" The Band they did come like the prideful group they are; with a strut down the street you can see from afar. So down the street, the Drum Line they grooved, with the community full of joy, and the Superintendent too. And then in a twinkling we heard from the school, the cheering of students with something to prove. I came out the door and turned right around, to see down the street a very large crowd. Their eyes-how they twinkled! Their smiles how merry! Their cheeks were like roses, their joy like a cherry! Their big smiles had joy and humor to share, it was hard to believe the school year was here! The games that they played, the food that they ate; the smoke from the BBQ encircled the place. They had bright shining faces and comfortably full bellies, yet everyone eyed the dessert table especially the cakes and the jellies! They were happy and content, a right jolly old group, and I laughed when I saw them, this good-vibing troupe. A shout from the back and a Drum Line's approach, soon gave way to grooves that were above reproach. They saluted the crowd, and went straight to their work, "Drummin' for the Cure" their duty they did not shirk. Gazing out at the crowd, the joy all around; they nodded and felt good because this school year would be profound. While they jammed the day away; the Band and Drum Line too, the Cheerleader's they cheered, and threw a stunt or two. The crowd they exclaimed, as the Band marched out of sight; "Happy new school year to all, and to all a good-night!"

2011-2012 "Drummin' for the Cure" Tshirt is ready to order

2011-08-04T05:31:00.001-05:00

ATTENTION PUBLIC: This year's edition of the "Drummin' for the Cure" Tshirt is ready to order!

Pricing is as follows: S-XL $20, 2X and above $25. Money raised is going towards the Golden Eagle Drum Line's goal of hosting a drum line battle to raise money for breast cancer awareness (more on that much later ;)

Tank tops are also available. Pricing is the same.

Oh and one more thing; I have to have at least 12 @ a time to place an order. We're taking orders now, have five on the list. Get one and help us reach our goal!

2011-08-03T21:10:00.000-05:00

Matt Damon Defends Teachers against Sh!tty Reason.tv Cameraman.

Just to share; I have been at school for the majority of the summer having drum line rehearsal three times a week, three hours each. Since Thurs., I have been at school by seven and leaving around 330 to then go do my errands, which are mostly school related at the moment; getting home around 530 only to try and salvage my evening, after doing the evening routine, only to collapse into bed just so I can get up again at 4 to do it all over again.

Golden Eagle Drum Line '11-'12

This is what I do, it is who I am. I love it down to my core and can't imagine doing anything else. Many people I know sometimes don't understand the depths of my commitment to my students. The lengths to which I will go to make sure that they are on, stay on, and continue on the path to success. As I know this is what I will do for my own child/ren, so I know this is what I do and will continue to do for other people's children.

Golden Eagle Drum Line and Pit '11-'12

Having job security w/my tenure means nothing in this day and age, I've held my breath at the end of the past two school years. Shoot, two years ago it was such a stressful situation wondering whether or not I would have a job the following year, that I had to go on anxiety meds!

Really...

I thankfully have been off them for quite a while, but my job is still frustratingly rewarding and even though I have tenure, I will always strive to prove myself to my administrators and colleagues but most importantly to the students because they are who and what are most important. I didn't go into teaching for the money; I went into it because it's who I am, and what I love.

If that's not incentive to accept the lack of funding, and frustratingly rewarding situations I and my fellow staff members must work with and work through on a daily basis, coupled with a salary that probably doesn't accurately record our time spent not only educating other people's children but spending an inordinate amount of time with other people's children...well, then don't know what is.

Visiting some things that make me glad I do what I do

2011-07-26T06:43:00.000-05:00

made me extremely proud to be a teacher, *AND* music educator. Always good for some inspiration.

To those in Washington dolling out our fate, take 10 minutes out of your day to watch these two clips. Taylor Mali says it better than any of us possibly ever can, and Eric Whitacre's Virtual Choir is a goose-bump inducing, breath-taking masterpiece. Please find other solutions to our problems than crippling an already limping educational system. We need hope, not heart-ache. We all make a difference, that's why do what we do. Do the right thing. Fix it.

I plugged the coffee maker back in today

2011-07-24T19:21:00.001-05:00

and set the timer for the first time since school's been out. *sigh* You know it's right around the corner, starting with band camp. See, I unplugged the coffee maker on my last day of having to be at school by 7:30 in the morning (Notice, those of you who bash us teachers about getting time off that I didn't say last day of school because *my* last day of school was four days after the official last day)...

I digress,

Anyways, I unplugged it in a symbolic gesture of knowing that I wasn't going to have to wake up to my alarm at 4:30 in the morning for a while. It was a delicious feeling. :) All summer long I've enjoyed plugging it in whenever I've gotten up, which for the majority of the summer has been 6 o'clock. I think I made it to 8am once or twice this summer *laugh*. So I plugged it back in for realizies tonight, and got it set up for the morning, programmed and everything. I have three days of Drum Line rehearsal left, then band camp hits on Thursday and I'm off and running back into the daily grind of normal life. I'm ready for it, of course, but there will always be that part of me that wishes it never had to end. That I could just do Drum Line rehearsal for a few hours everyday, then spend the weekend at the pool, hang with friends, and be with Tim and the dogs. *Heaven*

Also a far cry from last summer and I'm *more* than okay with that!

So as my 9th year of teaching sits on the horizon I take a moment to set my intention(s) for the year.

I look forward with expectant hope, a nervous heart,

and joyous anticipation of all the things it has waiting for me and my students.

I pray the Drum Line accomplishes what they want in the way that they want.

In fact, I *expect* them to.

I hope to become a better Orchestra teacher as I have a class of new students to experiment upon.

I hope to conduct the Band but will bite my tongue until it's my turn to shine.

It's not worth the fight because it's not enough time to fly.

As with any journey in life, I expect to have some frustrations and pitfalls along the way,

but I pray for the grace to maneuver through them with strength and peace.

Lastly, I pray that my vision becomes a reality. Please let it become a reality;

it will be so cool when it does.

I hope that all of my teacher friends are as ready for school as I am. I pray that they have a wonderful year and that admist all the problems we face day to day, that they find the simple joys in teaching children not just what they need to *learn* but more importantly how to be better people and how to reach *their* dreams. They're our future; it's up to us to help them make the best possible version they can because in the end it helps us all.

I'll see you all at school!

The 2011-2012 "Drummin' for the Cure" shirt is ready to order!

2011-07-16T09:14:00.001-05:00

This year's "Drummin' for the Cure" shirt is ready for ordering! Pricing this year is as follows: $20 for sizes S-XL, $25 for 2X and above. Monies raised is going to support the Golden Eagle Drum Line in our goal of hosting a Drum Line battle to raise monies for breast cancer, October 2012.

What a difference a year makes

2011-06-26T09:56:00.000-05:00

June 25th last year Tim and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary while I was bald, sick, and sitting in the Chemo chair. What a difference a year makes. This year we celebrated at a friend's wedding with me healthy and having a full head of hair. Tim is my rock, my partner, my love, my best friend, my Peter. Even though he can be incredibly frustrating and mind-boggling at times, he is my husband and knows me better than anyone, and vice versa. I am so profoundly thankful to have him in my life and to have had his strength through breast cancer. I look forward, hell we *both* look forward to many more years celebrating and traversing what life throws at us. Love ya babe, let's continue this adventure.

My weekend in the Big Apple

2011-06-25T15:19:00.000-05:00

I had the wonderful opportunity to visit my folks in NYC (linked to whole album) this past weekend. This was my first trip ever to the Big Apple and I was excited. I flew out on Frontier airlines Thursday evening and by some odd twist of fate, I was in first class! or *stretch seating*, as they call it. Arriving safe and sound in NYC later that evening, I had my first experience at the Taxi Stand and it was a lot less stressful then Chicago, I can tell you that. Speeding away on the highway I tried to absorb as much of the sights as I could even though it was dark and I had no idea where we were going. *laugh*

I was dropped off in front of my folks apartment building where I was instantly hit with the feeling of being peered down upon by the concrete giants towering over me. Up the elevator and down the hall brought me to their door where I was finally able to sit down and relax in comfort. Exploring their apartment while they were making their way home from the show, revealed a cute, comfortable, and compact home just perfect for the weekend.

The next morning dawned clear and cool so mom and I strapped on our walkin' shoes and headed to Central Park. I had no idea that #1 they were blocks from the park, and #2 that it is so large! We only walked a few blocks of it before having to turn around to go back and get ready for the day but seeing it made me happy that those living in concrete jungles have protected green spaces like that.

After Central Park we all got dressed for the day and set out to the subway. Pushing my father in his wheelchair because of his bum knee certainly made for a good workout while I was there, but I'm still paying for it ;) So anyways, we made it to the subway and caught a train to Ground Zero. What an awe inspiring area. Seeing what is being built in it's place and how far it has progressed was awesome. The church/chapel across the street that became a source of comfort and security for all of the workers and volunteers brought tears to my eyes. It was very humbling and I'm glad I got to see it first hand.

Lunch at the Amish Market then a subway ride to our next stop for the Staten Island Ferry to go see the "Big Green Lady", as I called her *laugh* was next. That was a refreshing change of pace to ride the ferry to Staten Island and back even though it was raining outside. It was pretty cloudy across Ellis Island and Jersey, so the pictures don't do the ol' gal justice, but she was pretty impressive to see regardless.

After our jam packed morning, we pushed dad back to the subway and back up the street to the apartment to rest up for my first real Broadway show; "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert". IT WAS AWESOME!!! I can't even begin to put into words how fierce, stunning, awesome, and entertaining this show was. I was thoroughly in love with "Felicia" by the end of the night and my glitter T-strap heels were *just* the shoe for the event. I highly recommend you go see this show, or rent the movie. Awesome, awesome, awesome. :)

Saturday morning dawned sunny and warm and I had a date with Physique57. I've been working out with these dvd's for quite a while now and I figured since there was a studio not far from their apartment that I would try a "live" class! I was super stoked about the opportunity, and while it did make my muscles shake, taking the live class reiterated to me that I am *so* not a live class girl. I much prefer my dvd's at home in my room by myself where I can work up a good sweat without lots of people around or an instructor moving my body in ways it won't move. I was glad I took the class but probably could have slept in instead *laugh*.

Anyways, after that we all had a date with a theater legend, Mr. Tony Walton. In case you didn't know, my dad's kind of a big deal in the theater world and is writing a book about Mr. Walton which is why they are in New York right now. So we moseyed over to Tony's impressive apartment in a grand old apartment building where I got to meet the legend, along with three of his friends;

"Mr. Oscar"

"Miss Emmy",

and the other "Tony's".
Mr. Walton was an incredibly kind and warm man and I enjoyed listening to his stories as he and my dad chatted.

After our date with a theater legend, we had a quick lunch at a neighborhood eatery then mom took me to the grocery store. *Honest moment here...* This experience reinforced to me that I can't ever live in a big city like NYC. That grocery store really pushed me to my limit. I feel I move pretty quickly around our grocery store but I move at a snails pace compared to the New Yorkers with their little half baskets zipping around. I can't count the number of people that I probably ticked off as I got in their way trying to maneuver through the close packed aisles. I think this is also where my exhaustion level peaked. We'd already had a full morning of maneuvering the streets and subway with dad and his chair, then through the grocery store, then walking the groceries home down the street to the apartment, up the elevator and down the hall to put them away. I was worn out by the time we were done but wanted to go to the art fair @ Lincoln Center so off mom and I went.

Whew. We should've stayed at the apartment instead. We got over to Lincoln Center and it became pretty apparent to me pretty quickly that I was fading...*fast*. Mom generously realized this when I didn't want to do any shopping and quickly took me home so I could take a nap before the Mary Poppins show that evening. Second trip into Times Square that evening, and that was more than enough. The crush of people is ridiculous and the feeling of being hemmed in by tall concrete giants is a touch overwhelming for this midwest, open sky kind of girl. A little souvenir shopping and a long walk back through the mass of people brought us to Mary Poppins. Unfortunately for Mary she did not capture my attention like Priscilla did, but it was still a good show.

Sunday morning we went to the High Line which is a garden walk-way if you will. From what mom and dad told me it used to be an elevated train, went defunct, then the city wanted to tear it down and some citizens bought it instead and transformed it into a nice walkway with sunning benches, a water area for kids, native/wild grasses & plants, and a shaded tunnel area to get out of the sun. We dropped dad off and went walking around the Garment District, which was also the Meat packing district? Not sure, I get confused. Anways, we walked around past all the big wig fashion stores (Diane Von Furstenburg, Alexander McQueen, etc, etc) and I quickly realized that not only were these things not my style at all, but *way* out of my price range. I'll admit I got a touch irritated because I was bit by the shopping bug and it wasn't being appeased so we went and picked up dad and pushed our way *back* to the subway (oh my back is aching just remembering *laugh*) to go back Uptown to the street fair off of 86th street.

Finally some shopping I could afford! I meandered up and down the street fair a couple of times looking at all the booths while mom and dad enjoyed some lunch and watched the people trying on straw hats. (Blog forthcoming) I picked up four dresses, four necklaces, two pairs of earrings, and had some fantastic sweet potato fries. We made our way back to the apartment (via cab this time) to rest up for dinner at dad's favorite restaurant in Greenwich (sp?) Village. Fabulous food in a quaint little restaurant rounded out the day then a victory lap on the subway finished up the evening.

Monday morning mom and I walked along a different side of Central Park to 5th avenue to see the Plaza Hotel, St. Paul (or maybe it was Patrick)'s cathedral, Rockefeller square and the like. After about an hour or so I had to give u. I was hot, my back was crunched, and I had fully reached my saturation point with all the people so I pleaded with mom to go back to the apartment. A short run through another grocery store then the drugstore where we bought some Tiger Balm patches and back to the apartment we went. I plastered all 5 of those suckers on, made myself a nice little bed on the floor and was promptly asleep.

After a jam-packed and turbulent flight, we touched down in KC right before they shut down the airport and diverted all remaining flights to Saint Louis. *Thank you to our former Navy pilot who "beat the storm" to get us to KC!* Tim was waiting for me in the terminal and it was so nice to see his smiling face. I couldn't stop smiling the whole way home as I looked up at the wide open sky and the trees rushing by on the highway. Buck and Lilly joyously welcomed me back into the fold and I think I've finally recovered from my whirlwind trip.

Thanks a million to my folks for flying me out there and entertaining me for the weekend. I had a great time and will come again to visit...but not live. I'm a midwest girl at heart. Love ya!

Re-purposing at it's finest!

2011-06-23T08:10:00.000-05:00

"Stella's Goodies" is my sister's site on Etsy. She is currently re-purposing men's suits into wonderful hand-made bags. Get your very own today and save the planet!

The latest with my hair

2011-06-11T17:00:00.002-05:00

Enjoy!

http://justcallmeimelda.blogspot.com/2011/06/latest-with-my-hair.html

I kicked cancer's a$$, now it's tme to kick debt's a$$!

2011-06-06T06:36:00.000-05:00

I am so sick and tired of being in debt. The frustrations, the scariness, the heart-ache, the worry, and the humbling stupidity of having to ask our parents to help us out. I mean come.on! We're almost mid-thirties and we're not completely financially savvy on our own! This is ridiculous. I am going to tackle our debt with the same laser-like focus I put onto kicking cancer's a$$, hopefully with Dave Ramsey's help, and hopefully with my dear hubby along for the ride.

So my question out there to you all in cyberspace who read my blog is this...Have you used Dave Ramsey's program to success and if you did, were you like us with thousands in cc debt, and a budget of $$ each month that seems to never stretch the gamit from paycheck to paycheck?

Give me your feedback before I spend the $80 on his class!

Thank You

2011-05-26T21:24:00.000-05:00

I have worked for the Hickman Mills school district for the past 8 years and while there have been some incredibly challenging situations throughout my career, it has always been my passion, my love, and the reason I get up in the morning. So when the cancer diagnosis came down last May, while I was scared as all get out and worried about myself, I was worried about my students and I knew it was going to be the most challenging situation of them all.

Thankfully, I had a quick and relatively painless journey. I had the luxury of finding out at the end of the school year so the tests didn't get in the way much and I was able to face the scariness head on without having to worry about a class or a concert, or rehearsal. Starting the chemo over the summer afforded me the ability to get used to my "new normal" without the hustle and bustle of the school year on top of it, and it also gave me the chance to get comfortable being bald before baring it in front of my students. The only thing I had to live full on in front of my students was the mastectomy, but I wasn't overly concerned, even though they were concerned about me :)

After we made it past the really scary weeks, and after I dropped it on my kids, I picked myself up brushed myself off and determined to just live my life as normally as was humanly possible. That meant getting up each morning, going to school, teaching my kids, going home, washing, rinsing, and repeating. I didn't think I was doing anything special, and I believe that anyone out there would have done the exact same thing, so it was a wonderful surprise when I was presented with this at our last PD of the year.

My principal said some very lovely words, and it made me cry, then I said garbled thanks and awkwardly sat down. So here is the real thank you to everyone who supported me through this school year.

Thank you for comforting me with kind words and concerned gestures,

for telling me to go home and sit down when you could see I was tired (even if I didn't listen).

Thank you for accepting my bald head and mangled chest as I wandered the halls with my heating pad strapped to myself, counting down the hours till it was time to go home and take that pain pill.

Thank you for understanding when my energy bottomed out

and I could do no more then just "be".

I'm blessed to be who I am, working where I do, with such fabulous people.

I thank you from the depths of soul for the love and recognition behind this gift,

it means the world to me.

My students are the best

2011-05-21T08:20:00.001-05:00

As my 8th year of teaching draws to a close (5 and a half days; but who's counting right?), I am reminded again exactly just why I teach. I wrap my students in love, knowledge, discipline, and humor throughout the year hoping against hope that I am able to impress upon them some life lessons, and how to be a better person in this crazy world. Yes of course I aim to achieve Drum Line glory, but it's more important that I make lasting relationships with these kids and become one of those consistent adult contacts that they can *always* count on.

This group of students supported me more than I know how to express, this year. I will never forget the day that I told "The 5" that it was breast cancer. Even as the words "It's breast cancer" were leaving my lips, I wasn't concerned about me, I was concerned about *them*. I was concerned about what this was going to do to them, their season, their dreams, their year. After the bottom dropped out and the moment of silence passed, they looked at me and said "We got this Mz Stout. We won't let it get you" *tear*.

And they didn't.

                                                                                                                                                                            Thursday evening we had out percussion banquet (pictures). This is the 6th annual percussion banquet, I believe. This is something that I do just for them. We go to the Chinese buffet to eat, talk, laugh, reminisce, and I had out awards. The awards aren't anything serious, they're more like "personality" awards. "Comic Relief", "Best Smile", "Where's your stuff?", etc...those types of things. Everyone gets one (hand made by me), as well as some other little gifts. I make a speech about each kid as I present them with their award, then we finish eating and go home. Now, I will be perfectly honest and tell you that I have wished each year for my Line to give me a gift in return. I know that is selfish, but it is also the way I was raised. Every single year I was in band/choir/theatre, we gave a gift to our directors at the end of the school year/end of play. I remember chipping in with the cast of "The Wizard of Oz" to buy figurines for Dr. Boyd and Mr. Holly. Roses for Dr. Boyd at the "Fantacular", gifts for Ms. Bear, Mr. Smith, Mrs. Cox, etc...it was what was done, what was expected. It was our, the student's, small way of saying "THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR HARD WORK". If memory serves, I received a gift at the spring concert my first two years, and honestly that was only because I said something to the senior class about getting the head director a gift. Ever since then, nothing. Not that I'm complaining, don't get me wrong. I understand this is a different day and age, and those types of things aren't done much anymore because it's not ingrained in our society anymore to thank those who work hard for you.

But I digress....

                                                                                                                                             This year I was beyond surprised when "The 5", my boys, presented me with the coolest and most heartfelt gift I have *ever* received from students. "The Survivor Award". Not only that, but they put together a picture slideshow for me. Amazing. They are so special too me and I can't wait to rock out their senior year and watch it unfold. So thank you thank you thank you thank you! You all (the *entire* Line) mean the world to me. Thank you for the gifts, the support, the love, laughter, and hard work. I can't wait for summer rehearsals to start and for the new Line to catapult above and beyond the expectations I have set for you. Love you all.

A whirl-wind weekend in Chicago!

2011-05-18T19:51:00.000-05:00

I spent a fast and fun three days in Chicago (and surrounding areas) with old friends and "family". It was wonderful seeing those old faces, and getting those hugs. Nothing better.

I landed Friday morning at about 9am or so. My most stressful task was ahead of me as soon as I landed. I had to navigate O'Hare airport on my own; get my bag, find the train, buy a ticket, get on the train with my bag, get off on the correct stop, *hail a cab* (when the truck have I *ev-er* hailed a cab), and then take a cab ride to Greg's place. Sounds simple enough right? *Right.* I successfully completed all of my tasks in a confident fashion, I thought, right down to hailing a cab. I got in the cab and said exactly what I was told to say. The cabbie stars driving and has to ask *me* where that is. Cheese and Rice. I *had* to pick the only farking cab driver in Chicago that didn't know how to get to Greg's apartment. This is awesome. Finally after a phone call by me, and a look in his book, he got me there and it was still under $10.

I spent the day with Greg mainly at his swanky pad, just chillin', mainly. We went to "Urban Burger Barn" for lunch, and passed this sign that struck me as extremely funny. So much so that I had to take a picture on the way back! Make sure to Unleash your clients before parking! *laugh*

Then Ben *Po*Tatar picked me up in his Prius, and it happened to also be my first ride ever in one of those cars. Pretty interesting and fancy. :) We scooted the short distance to Ben's pad where I walked into a wicked cool house infused with the very essence of my friend. Very neat. Pizza, pajamas, and catching up was right in order for the evening. I introduced Ben to the show "Ghost Adventures", and he introduced me to pizza topped with mashed potatoes. *I know right?!* Believe me when I say it was amazing. I wish I would have taken a picture of that pizza, and of mine as well. I had a "white" pizza with chicken, spinach, and artichokes (the mashed potato and sausage pizza was a "red" pizza). I recommend trying The Piece pizza if you're ever in that area. Good food.

Saturday morning allowed us both to sleep in, and then another first (this trip was full of them!), Dunkin' Donuts coffee. In all the years I've lived, I've never had DD coffee. I can't even tell you the last time I had one of their doughnuts. The powdered, chocolate filled ones were my favorite. I might have to rectify this situation some Saturday or Sunday morning here soon. :) After getting coffee and getting dressed, we walked down to "the bongo room" to have brunch with the Tatar clan. "Ma and Pa" Tatar, and also Jenny and her husband Bill. Talk about being overjoyed at seeing some people. I can't even begin to explain how special this family is too me. They are so loving, welcoming, friendly, interesting, funny, kind, on and on and on. I wish I saw them more often, but it was so special to have those precious hours with them and Ben. Onto the bongo room...

The bongo room is apparently *the place* to get brunch on a Saturday afternoon, and I can see why. The food was amazing. We all got our protein dish, I had the "Tomatillo Salsa Scramble", with multi-grain toast, then three "sweets" were ordered for the table.

There was the banana caramel pancake

The berries and cream pancake; I think that's what it was called. Quite frankly it was so heavenly that I kind of tuned everyone out and had a mini-love affair with it.

Then the piece de resistance...the chocolate tower of french toast. *Chocolate French Toast people!* This is craziness! Oh but it was soooo good.

I had a Raspberry and Pear Mimosa to drink. It wasn't quite what I expected, but it was good.

After brunch, Ben took me on a train ride into the city where we walked around in the cold, drippy, foggy weather to Millennium park where we saw the Pavillion, the "Bean", and the waterfall art sculptures. The fog was fantastic as we walked around the city to the Chicago river, and the Trump tower. A view of the marquee for the CHICAGO theatre rounded out the trip. It was a fabulous day with yucky weather but that's okay.

Sunday finally brought me back into the company of my friend Niki. She is expecting her first child, a boy, with her hubby Josh and I couldn't be more thrilled for them. Her and I met in college, a tragedy brought us closer, and she's one of those people in my life who may be far away and I may not see as often as I'd like, but is always in my thoughts. Her shower was filled with love and stylish gifts (that little boy's gonna be one well dressed little dude!) to make sure this baby boy has a good start in life. After her shower, we went to the local mall to just walk around, shop, and catch up before going to the airport. It was wonderful filling the time chatting away with my old friend but bittersweet when it was time to go.

As they say, all good things must come to an end, and on Sunday evening, my whirlwind weekend in Chicago came to an end as Niki dropped me off at the madhouse that is O'Hare airport and I boarded the plane home bound to Kansas City. I hope to go back at some point after the baby is born to see this wonderful creation in action as well as the mother and father that created it, and of course to see the Tatar's. :)

2011-05-10T19:06:00.000-05:00

She says it better than I can at this moment in time. I hope this inspires me to reconnect with my mat and exercise in general.

Yoga is...by SpoiledYogi

For my Mom

2011-05-08T09:10:00.000-05:00

We first met before either knew what the other looked like,

inextricably linked from the start.

I swelled your belly and took your figure as you gave me life,

while you put your own life on hold for me.

I caused you pain I have no concept of as I was brought into this world,

and caused you a scare from the day of my birth.

Yet you still loved me.

You kissed my scrapes, and listened to me whine,

while just needing a moment in time to yourself.

You navigated me through my childhood with ease, and helped me avoid the pitfalls of adolesence even though I fought you every step of the way.

You let me blossom in high school, always watching with a close eye,

cutting me down to size when I got to big for my britches.

Yet you still loved me.

You sent me to college with a kiss and a prayer

and bit your tongue when it was something you didn't want to hear.

You watched me grow, mature, and love, taking your guidance to the background

but always making sure you were never far away with your love.

I might have done some stupid things along the way,

in my quest to become a grown-up.

Yet you still loved me.

I left the nest with the man I was to marry, the love of my life,

as you watched tearfully your baby going.

You listened to me cry, and vent my frustration(s) over my job,

while reporting the joys of my new life.

The phone kept us linked, like the umbilical cord once did

to record every trip-up, and stumble along the way.

Yet you still loved me.

You poured your love into making my wedding gown

and for that I'm ever grateful, even if it did mean your baby was getting married.

You've helped me navigate many paths in this stage of my life,

and while I may not have always liked the advice, you still love me.

I gave you another health scare when cancer touched me last May,

I wish I could take that away but your strength carried me through and for that,

I will always love you.

It's true that a Mother's love knows no bounds,

Lord knows I've put you through enough in my 32 years.

Thank you for being you and for being my mother.

I am who I am today because of your love and guidance.

I wish everyone could have a mother like you.

Happy Mother's Day

Please read this

2011-05-04T21:24:00.000-05:00

Another wonderful thing that came across my Facebook page today

"Why my heart is a knot, and other complexities"

You wanna talk inspiration? These four are it.

2011-05-01T08:40:00.000-05:00

State 2011

Throughout this cancer journey, people have told me I'm an inspiration to them. It's somewhat confusing to me to think that I can *inspire* someone because I don't feel I'm doing anything special. I'm just being *me*. Yet, I believe I understand because these four boys inspire me and they're just being *them*, learning their music, working hard, being good people, and navigating the trials and tribulations of adolesence towards the beginnings of early adulthood. And not only these four, the rest of my percussion section and other students of mine inspire me as well.

Raytown 2010

Their hard work pushes me to work harder, to choose intriguing music that not only excites them but makes them better at the same time, and to log longer hours in the quest to ensure they become the best versions of their selves that is possible at this stage in the game. They inspire me to work on my patience and discipline because what I expect out of them I should give in return. Yet they require me to rule with an iron fist but that has a gentle touch. The wonderful thing about my job is that I get to touch the lives of students at all levels, this year it was 5th & 8th-12th. Next year I hope to have time to spread my influence over the 6th and 7th graders as well.

Who is an inspiration to you in your life or rather, who do you inspire?

Districts 2011

FOR SALE

2011-04-22T06:51:00.000-05:00

I'm doing a bit of de-cluttering (let's face it, I've got *way* too much stuff), and instead of donating it for the tax write-off, I am going to *try* to sell these items cause frankly, I could use some cash, let's face it, we all could. You may contact me through this blog, FB message, or through my gmail; unruhstout@gmail.com

Hope you find something you love, and keep a look out for more sales like this in the future as I slowly, *slowly* let go of things and de-clutter my life and house. :)

Brown leather COACH hobo with silver buckle closure on strap. This is a smaller version. Perfect for gal who carries just enough stuff to need a purse, wants a COACH, but doesn't want to spend a lot. $100

I must admit that this is one of my absolute favorite COACH bags. The color, the look of it and most importantly the *smell*. It's absolutely divine! *sigh* I'm paying this gorgeous bag forward because it is just too small for me anymore and it's just hung in my closet for about 2 or 3 years, although now my closet won't be infused with it's heavenly aroma. $80 (it's a little careworn on the bottom)

Ah, the "Slim Series" featuring Debbie Siebers, put out by Beachbody I *love* this company; haven't bought anything from them since "Chalene Extreme" but they are good at what they do. Getting you into shape. These were the tapes I used to get into shape for my wedding. I went from an out of shape 130/135lbs wearing a tight 9/10 to a toned and fit 120lbs wearing a loose 2/4. It was easy, it was fun, but most of all it was effective. I know these are VHS, but I highly recommend them if you're wanting to get into great shape, work up a sweat and not bother with the gym. :) There is one tape missing, "Cool it Off", and I have no idea where it is. I actually only used it once, then substituted a yoga tape in it's place. $25

And here's my yoga library. These are all fabulous tapes, but the truth of the matter is that I haven't used them in *years* because I have different ones, and it's high time someone else got to experience the beginning stages of yoga joy with these videos. $5 a piece

From left to right:

Yoga for Weightloss (hour), Yoga Natural Remedies (separate parts of body, i.e. back, stomach, etc), Lower Body Yoga (20min), Gentle Yoga (20min), Backcare Yoga (20min), Yoga for Athletes (90min), Yoga for Meditation (two separate mediatations), Power Yoga (20min), AM Yoga (20min), Yoga for Flexibility (hour)

Some more workout tapes ($5 a piece VHS, $10 a piece DVD). From left to right...

"Power Half Hour for Abs" w/Tony Horton, 20min Windsor Pilates, 50min Windsor Pilates. "Vinyasa Flow Yoga with Sean Corne": this is a fabulous beginner dvd. I purchased this after I had been practicing yoga for numerous years, and I learned *so* much about the alignment of my body and linking my breath with the movement; **highly recommed**. "Balance Ball for Weightloss", "Yoga from the Heart w/Sean Corne", two Shiva Rhea yoga dvd's. Shiva is a bit out there for my taste. It's fun yoga, new and different (for me anyways), but just not my cup of tea. Three "Core Fusion" Exhale Spa dvd's. I will sell those as a set for $20. One is full body, one is lower body, one is upper body.

I hope you find something here you can't live without! ;) Contact me if you're interested in anything.

I love Facebook for the things it brings into my awareness.

2011-04-19T17:31:00.000-05:00

Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps

Amen man! This is the core of our dress code frustration. Sagging pants on the boys, too short skirts on the girls with tops that are near to busting, but don't forget tights worn as pants, jeggings, and XXLTall shirts on MEDIUM sized bodies. Thank you so much for writing this!

The government says "It's possible to live a healthy lifestyle on $40 of groceries a week"

2011-04-18T18:49:00.000-05:00

Um, excuse me? Did I just hear this right, you in your ivory tower eating food that has most likely been bought, prepared, and served to you *and* who make more money than I, a lowly public school teacher, could ever *dream* of yet you pay.no.taxes? Hmmmmm....interesting.

Let me let you in on a little secret if I may. I went grocery shopping yesterday with a meal planned list that was, what I felt, the absolute bare bones.

Milk (MORE THAN A TANK OF GAS $4.15/gallon), Fruit (best deal), Fresh Veg for recipes (best deal), Coffee creamer (UP a dollar $3.95), Bread (UP a dollar and it's the basic type. My favorite whole grain is almost $5 a loaf...are you kidding me?!), Crackers, Lunch Meat (UP a dollar $3.15 a container), Cheese (which we opted out of buying because it was so expensive), Froz Veg for everyday, canned tomatoes, one small package of red meat (about a pound & a half, was $9), two pork chops ($3.50 each), ONE container of cottage cheese (UP A BUCK FIFTY, $3.35), two containers of Yogurt (and I balked at two but needed them for recipes, $2.25 each), and other needed basic necessites (other non-perishables, canned foods, applesauce, etc).

This is usually what I purchase for our two person household on a bi-weekly occurance. I usually spend around $150 a grocery trip and have been trying top pare it down to $100 a trip to save money. THIS TRIP COST US $195.00!!!

I think I just vomited a little...excuse me I want to go cry.

Do you know how very incredibly hard it is to follow a healthy lifestyle right now in this money-grubbing, economy-crushing, soul-sucking, earth-killing world you have made for us? Fresh fruits and veggies, almond milk or coconut milk (because cow's milk has to much crap injected into it), whole grains, and the sweets in moderation. It's so hard it's ridiculous. I've already made so many modifications in my diet to accommodate the rise in prices but just how far is my waistline going to have to go before you wake the *fv*bleep*ck* up, pull your heads out of your rear ends and finally see the error of your ways?

I guess only time will tell but in the meantime I think it is absolutely asanine and irresponsible of you to suggest that we can lead a "Healthy" lifestyle on $40 a week in groceries. Let me give you some math here...

For my husband and I, $40 a week would buy us the following...

1 gal of milk $4.15
1/2 gal of Almond or Coconut Milk $3.30
2 loaves of Bread @$2.99 each (round up) $6.00

1 Bag Chicken breast $7.00
1 Doz Eggs $1.80
Coffee Creamer (me) $3.95
24pk Mountain Dew (him) $4.25

Already I'm up to $30.45.

Let's add 1lb Apples @1.29 a lb $1.29
4 oranges $1
2 can crushed tomatoes $1.50
2 can tomato sauce $.50
1 pckg spaghetti (can't be gluten free cause that's too expensive) $2

Have to stop there...$36.74 because there's tax to add on and I only have $40. Maybe if I have some change left I can get a gumball out of the machine! *Oooo!*

So with that list, I can make a chicken spaghetti dish that might stretch the whole week, we can eat bread sandwiches for lunch because we didn't have any money to buy peanut butter or jelly or lunch meat....then we can have either an apple or an orange for breakfast or a glass of milk or an egg.

I know that I am making an extreme scenario here, I understand that there are probably more people than I realize out there surviving on *less* and that I should be grateful for what I have. I am, believe me; I'm eternally grateful. I guess it's just that we're feeling the pinch more and more and now having to start sacrificing in the area that I use to *live*, to *be*, to **subsist**...that's just not fair. Make me stay at home more because gas is to expensive. Fine. Make it so I don't eat out anymore because it's too expensive. Great. Making it too expensive to buy the foods and drinks we enjoy to live the healthy lifestyle we want to live? Shameful. Shame on you for putting us in this position. I know that I had a hand in it at one point, but you are at the reigns. I am now becoming more consciously aware of my impact in this world, this life, and I am trying my damndest to reduce it in hopes of making it a little bit like it used to be; full of hope, promise, and a good future.

You're taking our livelihood and vacations away with the price of gas, please don't take our food away from us too. I don't think we could stand it.

***Note
If there actually someone out there successfully doing this and living a healthy lifestyle I would LOVE to know your secret!

Yet another thing I full heartedly "Hallelujah!" with!

2011-04-17T09:58:00.000-05:00

All my teacher friends out there in my district...6 more Mondays!

Enjoy.

Hallelujah! Follies Fun with an educational twist

"Mrs. Stout, you're really pretty"; 7 more Monday's until school is out

2011-04-10T07:51:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but this past week flew by with a speed that almost takes my breath away. MAP testing at the junior high and all elementaries is in full swing and EOC starts at the high school Monday. Maybe that's what did it. The silence in the hallways, the respectfulness of the kids, the large block of time to get some much needed work done...it was glorious. The MAP continues in the elementaries until the 22nd, then the true mad dash to the end of the year shall begin.

I love this time of year, spring is emerging, it's warming up and the winter doldrums are going away. I also loathe it because it is so jam-packed full of concert stress, it's "testing season". All of us are on edge because we know that these scores determine the answer(s) to a lot of issues such as who's going to get to keep their job, will we maintain our accreditation, how much bashing is going to be heaped on-top of us after the results are released, and the like. It's quite stressful, and I'm not even a core teacher! I just hope that a majority of the kids took it seriously and tried their hardest instead of getting all mad and defensive then giving up.

That's what gets me about this whole standardized test thing. I don't understand how *their* performance determines the security of *my* job. I mean, out there in the corporate world you're rated on *Your* performance of *your* job correct? So, if we're evaluated by our administrators and deemed to be competent in our position and possibly even excel at it how can it be that in reality a group of teenagers who have said "Psht *lip smack* I don't care about this test. It's stupid, it's boring, it doesn't matter", are the ones to determine the fate of the teacher. So interesting.

We had a chat about it in my 8th grade Orchestra class last Friday then Monday, the day before the testing started, it's where the above comment was said. I stopped rehearsal and told them the truth, as I saw it, about the MAP. I told them that not only do their scores have some bearing on their "beyond high school" life, but that their scores translate into money for the district, which there in turn translates into how many teachers get to keep their jobs because if the district doesn't have enough money to pay us all, some of us have to go, and when that happens their class size increases which isn't good for the kids, and the teachers who are left have their work load increase so that they're even *more* over-worked and under-paid which isn't good for anyone.

They were pretty shocked when I put it in those terms. I asked if anyone had ever talked to them about the MAP before in that way. Here's what I got back "No! I'm just told to do my best because it's important", there's the trick...they're never told *why* exactly. Now, I am probably over-simplifying it all but that's basically how those state standardized work in my (and other teacher friends of mine) opinion(s).

Then we talked about the state of the funding for schools and how incredibly scary it is for someone in my position; a "non-core" teacher. We talked about the fact that each and every one of them have a dollar sign on their rear ends. "What do you mean Mz Stout?" I told them about ADA, which for those of you not in the know stands for "Average Daily Attendance", and how every day they are here the school gets money. So every time they decide to skip, or stay home when they're not sick, the school doesn't get their ADA which as the year progresses, this number grows because there is *always* that percentage of kids who don't care about school so they don't come. Therefore, that's why we stress attendance so much, because the district needs that money to keep running, and it's also a part of the accreditation process.

They told me that it wouldn't matter because the school always gets money from the state and government and I had to laugh at that. I told them how a neighboring district is facing a $40million dollar deficit, and that they had already cut some music programs last year, and there would possibly be more on the chopping block this year. I asked them what they thought about only having Math, Science, English, and Social Studies in school. No art, no PE, no band, no orchestra, no shop, no FACS, nothing but the core subjects. A raucous chorus of protests rang through the air.

Them: "I wouldn't go to that school, I'd move"
Me: "Uh-huh, you're 15 how are you going to manage that one on your own, and I highly doubt you could persuade your parents to uproot their lives, pack up the house to try and sell it in this horrible housing market, try to find a decent house to buy but possibly won't qualify for a loan because the economy sucks so instead choose to rent an apartment then they wind up spending *more* money because they're paying rent AND mortgage cause lord knows their house won't sell very fast. Cramming you and your family into a smaller space with all your stuff, just to satisfy the whim of a young teenager? Riiiight. What else ya got?"

Them: "I'd tell them they can't get rid of those programs"
Me: "That's going to be like shouting in the wind. Now, one person may not be able to make a big enough difference, but if you all were to organize and connect with other students across the nation, *maybe* you could make a difference."

Me: "What else ya got? Thoughts? Comments? Concerns?" *Silence* "Do you comprehend now why it's important for you to do the absolute best that you can on the MAP, and not just on the MAP but in school in general? Do you now understand why it's important you're here, respectful, and ready to learn?"
Them: "I do now".

Good.

Where else out there does your job security depend upon the actions of other people, and more specifically teenagers? Yes I realize that it's only one piece of the job security puzzle, but it's an intricate piece to the whole works. Since those conversations in class, and take it all with a grain of salt as those are paraphrased in my brain/from memory, but since those conversations I have noticed a slight upward trend in respectfullness and self-awareness. Will it last? Probably not, they're teenagers and I'm sure my parents can attest to the fact that my attention span/memory wasn't that long when I was their age.

*Shrug* I don't know. I just try to bring the reality of the situation to the kids. They all say they want to be taken seriously, so here ya go...here are some serious issues that you *will* be dealing with when you get older unless the world goes off the deep end in 2012. I try to make them look past their little bubble of lipgloss, teenage hormones, iPod's, texting, sagging pants, horrible language, and skinny jeans so tight I swear the girl's circulation gets cut off to the greater world around them and how they fit into the collective conscious of the greater whole. Maybe I'll make a diff, and maybe I won't. Only time will tell.

*****

On a *completely* different note, I just started up another blog called "Just call me Imelda!; What I wore to school today" because apparently my shoes, ensembles, and hair have been creating quite a stir with not only the kids but the teachers/staff as well. Thursday after school as I was moving bak and forth between the Band and Choir room getting the Drum Line set and ready for rehearsal, I walked past the group of kids who always hang out in the Band room after school, and one of the gals says to me "You're really pretty Mrs. Stout!"...What?! Me?! You're crazy girl! *laugh*   It's honestly quite surreal, because I alternate between feeling like the gangly legged, knobby kneed, crooked teethed, stringy haired awkward teenage girl, to the out of shape, trying to find her way, insecure college girl, all.the.time. Sure, there are plenty of moments of feeling completely comfortable in my own skin and body, but the "ugly duckling" syndrome will always be a constant undercurrent in my brain. In the mean time I figured that this blog would not only be a resource for all the girls out there who want my shoes, "OOooo! Mz Stout! I'mma steal yur shoez!" *laugh* but also a nice chronicle for me of the transformation of my hair. So check it out and be super cool.

7 More Mondays!!!!!!!

Coming up on the first of many anniversaries...

2011-04-04T17:17:00.001-05:00

I had a nice long plan this morning (thank you MAP prep!) and was able to get a lot of work done which included looking at the last two months of school and ahead to the summer for Drum Line. As I was counting off days, thinking time-line with competition, I realized that it's been a year since I found my lump. I can't say what day for sure, so I count May 14th as the first real anniversary. It was the day I was told I had breast cancer.

This year instead of being awoken from a mid-afternoon nap only to hear the words "It's Breast Cancer", I'll be at a baby shower celebrating the upcoming birth of a very dear friend's first child. That's as it should be I think :)

The anniversaries after that may not be celebrated forever but they will be this year:
June 5th: first chemo
September 17th: last chemo
Dec. 27th: "new boobie day"

The last anniversary will always have meaning and will always be marked by something special. October 15th, the day I was told "You no longer have Breast Cancer".

#Awesome

Check it out! Follow my new blog!

2011-04-01T05:55:00.002-05:00

http://justcallmeimelda.blogspot.com/

Enjoy!

Things you might not know about teachers...

2011-03-29T18:44:00.001-05:00

My Drum Line. "Team Stout"

Unless you've been #LivingUnderARockRecently, you might have noticed a trend in the world right now (America expecially) that involves the unnecessary, unenlightened, and unmitigated bashing of not only our public school system, but us, the teachers who work in this system...no excuse me...*live* in this system.

"#Live? *Psht* Whatever are you talking about?! Teachers have it #Easy; you're done with work by 2:30pm, you have summer's off, all the holidays you can think of, luxurious snow days, spring break, and aside from the occasional dance you have to chaperone, or science fair you have to host, you've got a pretty damn cushy job!"

Have you seen my car lately? It resembles my bedroom almost I spend so much time in it. *Excuse me while I smack some sense into this person*

Schooling my kids on Bass Drum

As a public school teacher for almost 8 full years (closing in on the end of my 8th) I have learned many things; the most important ones being that "My day does.not.start at 7:20am, and does.not.stop at 2:20pm", and "Summer? What Summer." Now, don't get me wrong here. My first year of teaching I will fully and honestly admit that I was home by 3pm almost every single day (not counting football game days, basketball game days, competition days, and after school meeting days), and I did absolutely *nothing* that first summer (aside from Band Camp in August). What can I say...I didn't know any better and I didn't have a good mentor who *taught* me any better, so I had to learn on my own and learn I did.

Race for the Cure 2010

I've learned that I am the most constant, *positive*, adult contact that a majority of these young people will have in their formative years. I have learned that I must be #Relentless in my quest to shape these young attitudes, minds, and souls, into something productive, respectful, and giving. I've learned that I have to take the time to listen to them because sometimes I'm the only one who will. I've learned when to kick them in the rear and when to handle them with kid gloves. I've learned that my high expectations are what make them better. I've learned that I *can* and *DO* tell them "How #DareYou waste my time with anything else but your very best effort!"; because when I call them to the carpet, they are grateful that someone cared enough to notice. I've learned that it's okay if they don't like me because I'm not in this business to have teenagers like me (but it is a bonus when they do); I'm in this business to turn teenagers into "like-able" adults who know the difference between right and wrong, how to solve an argument without fists, and how to trust in the power of #RESPECT.

I have also learned the power of what a teacher actually does. Here it is, a slice of my life, a look into my day...enjoy.

4:15am my alarm starts going off and I groggily crack an eye open. "It can't be time to get up already?! I just went to sleep!" *sigh* #snoozebutton

4:25am snooze time has ended and I haul myself out of bed. I start my bath, let the dogs out, and stumble out to the kitchen for a wonderfully fragrant and soul warming mug of the "Nectar of the Gods". Nothing better than that morning cup of coffee...mmmmm...then I let the dogs in and feed/water them.

4:30am-5am is bath time to wake up gently and gradually. Try it, you might find that your mornings are easier. I let the dogs out.

5am-5:30am I workout. I know right?! Crazy to be working up a sweat that early in the morning and right after a bath. I've been doing this for about a year and for some reason it works. I know that if I don't work out in the morning it's not gonna get done. Today for example, I didn't workout this morning and told myself "I'll do it when I get home." Ha! It's 6:46pm, I'm writing this blog and staring at the pile of stuff I need to work on and I *still* need to get dinner moving but my lower back and hip are throbbing right now so I'm gonna sit yet for a bit. #NotGonnaHappen

5:30am-6:15ish-am I let the dogs in and deal with their morning routine as I frantically get myself ready for school/work. Thankfully I've been moving through this particular morning routine for such a long time it's automatic, and having the short hair cuts about 15minutes. Still some mornings it's still a struggle to get the outfit right or stop my eyes from watering so I can get makeup on, or the dogs are particularly needy, or, or, or...take your pick.

6:15ish-am-6:30ish-am I pack my lunch, brush my teeth, kiss the hubby (who is still in bed sleeping btw ;), give one last rub to the dogs, grab my coat and all my stuff and head out to the car.

I do want to interject here and add that most mornings I also flip the laundry, sweep the floors, pick up the clutter, and do the dishes. This way I don't have to walk into a messy house at the end of the day. Are you tired yet?

630ish-am-7:05am Commute to school

Race for the Cure 2010

7:05am-7:20am This is when the fun starts. As soon as I hit the door I'm redirecting, correcting, answering questions, solving problems, and occasionally consoling. "Put your badge on", "Hood off please", "Would you #Please pull your pants up?", "Hands off, hands off, HANDS OFF!", "Hood off PLEASE", "Dude, seriously are you kidding me? Put.Your.Badge.ON!" *Sigh*

7:20am-7:30am Commute from the Jr. High which is my home building, to the High School which is the first stop on my list. Here I am the Assistant Band Director and Drum Line Instructor. As soon as I hit the door I am redirecting, correcting, answering questions, solving problems, and occasionally consoling. "Put your badge on", "Young lady that skirt is WAY to short", "Hood off please", "Would you #Please pull your pants up?", "Hands off, hands off, HANDS OFF!", "Hood PLEASE", "Dude, seriously are you kidding me? Put.Your.Badge.ON!" *Sigh*

7:30am I hit the Band Room door; "Come on folks! Get it uncovered, mallets out, books out, Timpani tuned, let's move let's move #Let'sMove!

7:40am-8:29am Band class/rehearsal. (Some of these are just hand signals, a finger snap followed by a stare, a quick "Psht" with a small shake of the head, or one of my favorites the silent "walk-up-behind) "Where's your stuff?", "Get up and MOVE folks!", "State's around the corner", "Quickly please! Quickly!", "Shhhh", "Eyes Forward", "Stop talking", "State's around the corner", "Quickly please!", "Where are your sticks?", "Seriously you need to know what you play on this song when we've been rehearsing it for #THREE months?!", "State's around the corner", "Shhh!" "What...what's your question", "No, not right now...leave me alone", "Quickly please!", "Shhhhh", "State's around the corner", "Reminders! Reminders! Reminders!", "Allright pack it up, cover it up, make it look nice and neat. Let's go!"

8:29am-8:35am I am usually writing passes for my boys, answering their questions, entertaining their ideas, reminding them of after school rehearsal times, and having them re-tuck, put their badges on, and get out the door.

8:35am-8:45am "Common Plan" time; conversation with Head Director about the students, class, upcoming activities, etc.

8:45am-8:55am Commute to first elementary school of the day

Band picnic 2010. I shouldn't have been there, had chemo that day but I wanted to be there for them

8:55am-9:00am set up my "room" for class. My room is on the Stage which opens right into the Gym and even though the door is closed it's still noisy. It's also the staff lunch room so I have to deal with teachers coming in and interrupting and having at least one conversation with a fifth grader about just exactly *why* they can't use the vending machine.

9:05-9:30am pick the kids up and have class. "Straight line, brown tile, toes and eyes forward, mouths closed.", "Where's your instrument? At home? Go back to class I'll see you tomorrow and no you may *not* come anyways because all you do is talk. Goodbye!" "Tune", "Review, New, Future material", "Shhh!", "Stop Talking", "You are wasting time you don't have", "Good job!", "Do it again!", "No I will not enable you", "Good job!", "Reminders, reminders #Reminders!", "Pack Up We Gotta Go!"

9:35am-9:45am Commute to elementary #2

9:45am-950am Sit for just a second in the silence of my car.

9:50-10:35am: Get into building, only restroom stop of the day, stop by each 5th grade room to get kids and have class (thankfully in an actual classroom this time). "Straight line, brown tile, toes and eyes forward, mouths closed.", "Where's your instrument? At home? Go back to class I'll see you tomorrow and no you may *not* come anyways because all you do is talk. Goodbye!" "Tune", "Review, New, Future material", "Shhh!", "Stop Talking", "You are wasting time you don't have", "Good job!", "Do it again!", "No I will not enable you", "Good job!", "Reminders, reminders #Reminders!", "Pack Up We Gotta Go!"

10:40am-10:45am Commute to elementary #3

10:45am-10:58am Set up room (ESL room), check email and return emails, print, make copies, check items off "To-Do" list.

11am-1130am Pick up kids and have class. "Straight line, brown tile, toes and eyes forward, mouths closed.", "Where's your instrument? At home? Go back to class I'll see you tomorrow and no you may *not* come anyways because all you do is talk. Goodbye!" "Tune", "Review, New, Future material", "Shhh!", "Stop Talking", "You are wasting time you don't have", "Good job!", "Do it again!", "No I will not enable you", "Good job!", "Reminders, reminders #Reminders!", "Pack Up We Gotta Go!"

11:40am-11:50am Commute back to home school. Usually a Walgreens stop on the way for a Green Tea, some gum and a magazine. Also use this opportunity to pick up any items we need at home since it's one less thing to do at the end of the day.

11:55am-1:30pm Plan and Lunch time. Copies, phone calls, emails, schedules, calendars, powerpoints, setting up the room, cleaning up the trash from the previous hours, 2 hall duties with hall sweeps: "Put your badge on", "Hood off please", "Would you #Please pull your pants up?", "Hands off, hands off, HANDS OFF!", "Hood off PLEASE", "Dude, seriously are you kidding me? Put.Your.Badge.ON!", "STOP RUNNING!", "Stop play fighting in my hallway!", "Tardi Trac, Tardi Trac!", "I don't *care* f you don't want to go to Tardi Trac, you're going and I will win because I.am.the.teacher!"

Part of 8th grade Orch. Fall concert

1:35pm-2:20pm 8th grade Orchestra: "Where's your instrument? At home? Go sit down and don't talk. Fill out the "R.O.S". "Grab your stuff, have a seat!", "2minutes and counting folks! Move move move!", "No I don't know where your instrument is", "Stop poking one another", "Grab your stuff, have a seat!, "30 seconds and counting!", "Time's up! Sit down! High Bow....High BOW....HIGH BOW!". "Here's your A, Tune", "Who needs me?", "Have you been tuned?", "Where's your stuff?", "Spit your gum out", "High Bow!". "Shhh!", "Stop Talking", "You are wasting time you don't have""Scales, warm-ups, Chorales, Arpeggios", "First piece, measure 24...Violas! Violins measure 15. Good. Cello's start at 54 please and *attack* the note! Basses, sustain that note you're our foundation you can't be wimpy". "Good job!", "Do it again!" "Shhh!", "Stop Talking", "You are wasting time you don't have", "Good job!", "Do it again!", "No I will not enable you", "Good job!", "Reminders, reminders #Reminders!", "Pack Up We Gotta Go!", "Line those stands up nice and neat, pick up the floor, have a seat!", "Announcements are on! Shh! Stop talking!", "You're dismissed see you tomorrow".

2:20pm-2:30pm Hall Duty which consists of me and the other teachers saying "#GOHOME!!!" at the top of our lungs. They don't ever seem to want to be *at* school yet they never seem to want to leave. #Don'tUnderstand

2:30pm-2:40pm enter attendance, clean up desk, clean up room, think about tomorrow's class, check my email, grab my stuff, head down to my mail box, walk out the door and drive to Ruskin.

3:00-4:30/5pm Percussion Rehearsal and/or Drum Line Rehearsal "Good job!", "Do it again!" "Shhh!", "Stop Talking", "You are wasting time you don't have", "Where's your stuff?", "Get up and MOVE folks!", "State's around the corner", "Quickly please! Quickly!", "Shhhh", "Eyes Forward", "Stop talking", "State's around the corner", "Quickly please!", "Look at me", "Where are your sticks?", "Seriously you need to know what you play on this song when we've been rehearsing it for #THREE months?!", "That wasn't good enough; do it again", That's it! NOW, do it again!", "Quickly please!", "I'd like to be leaving by 5 and we're already 30min behind!", "Do it again", "Shhhhh", "State's around the corner", "Reminders! Reminders! Reminders!", "Allright pack it up, cover it up, make it look nice and neat. Let's go! I gotta hit the road! (Usually 30min late)"

5pm-5:30/5:45/sometimes 6pm wait for parents to arrive even though it clearly states on the calendar that rehearsal ENDS at 5pm. I do have a life folks! I would like to have some time to enjoy it :)

Raytown Marching Comp 2010. Should not have been there, had Chemo the day before but had to be there for them

Once the kids are all picked up or I have dropped them off, I head home on my 20min commute. Usually there are errands to run and appointments to make before I can really be home. Then once I get home, usually anywhere between 530 and 6, unless it's Marching Season where Thursday's and Friday's I don't get home until 10pm if I'm lucky; or Basketball Season where it could be any night of the week (or a concert night, or a meeting night, or, or, or). So I get home and we all know what happens when you get home. We don't have any human children right now, we have two black labs. They are just as demanding as children people, they demand and require, and deserve just as much attention (hell they've been home alone all day!). I set foot out of my car and I hear the barking. "Mom's home! Mom's home! ball...ball...ball... Mom's home! Mom's home!" It always brings a smile to my face to see those two goofs barking like crazy behind the sliding glass door but it also wears me out knowing I have at least an hour, hour and a half before I can just focus on *me*.

5:30/6pm-8pm So the nightly routine begins. Laundry, sweeping floors, figuring out what's for dinner and getting that going, playing with the dogs (which does afford me some time to read my book a sentence or two at a time in-between hits), then more laundry, fixing dinner, and *finally* sitting down at 8 where I look over at the stack of stuff I brought home from school (currently Drum Line "Bible" material to put together, calendars to set, handbooks to rewrite, music to go through and digest, and my mileage forms to finish, oh and a professional travel request as well). Each night all I can think is "It's already 8 o'clock?! "Double U.Tea.Eff", man. I haven't even done any yoga or taken my bath, I still have all that to do and yet I'm utterly exhausted."

**Couple side notes: 1) I started writing this blog about 5:45pm yesterday, took it upstairs with me when I got ready to make dinner, then worked on it in bed for a bit in between other things before turning the light off at 11pm too exhausted to think anymore. 2) I did take this whole week off from after school rehearsals (a *well* deserved break from lots of hard work these past months) but I'm *STILL* not getting home until 4:30pm...life of a teacher?***

The last "Cougar Pride Band"

I really really try to do it all in a day. My life, *our* life, my teaching, and nurturing of young souls and minds, but sometimes I just can't. I mean, come.on...I had freaking breast cancer 1st semester and still pushed myself to be there for my students even if I wasn't feeling 100%. I can't tell you how many people got upset with me because I kept putting them first but you see, that's what I do. It's who I am. It's what I'm all about. If I'm not there for them then who is? They miss me when I'm not there, and I miss them. This is my life, my love, and my passion.

So how long will I get to do it? If the current economic climate is any indicator, who the #Ficklesticks knows? Funding gets cut every.single.year, more and more teachers lose their jobs, and more responsibility is heaped upon those of us who are left. You don't know this, but last year our department went from 14 people to 8 and we practically had to BEG to get them to hire one more and that was simply because none of us had space in our schedule to cover those classes, although last year's "Teacher of the Year" (our head Orchestra director) sure did try and he almost ran himself into the ground doing so.

Band Camp 2010

Left! Left! Band Camp 2010

I leave you with these last thoughts as I feel that I have rambled enough. If you honestly think that teachers have some posh job that affords them all sorts of time off, including summers, I would like for you to know that I take #ONE, count it, O.N.E week off during the summer, and I'm forced to take a second thanks to MSHSAA. I usually take the very first week of June off to just decompress and relax a bit, then it's right into Drum Line summer rehearsals. Usually 3 days a week (might be 4 this year), for 3-4 hours at a time. Once the end of July hits I'm essentially back to school because Band Camp *#ThisOneTime,AtBandCamp* starts up, then teacher meetings swing into high gear, and before I know it it's convocation day and the students are arriving. Regarding our other time off, Snow Days are great if we have one or two, anymore than that and our lives become even *more* complicated! #MAP, #EOC, #SRI,anyone? #TeachingToTheTest. #GottaCatchUP... Winter break is the only one I hold sacred "Love you all but I don't want to see you or hear from you unless it's a dire emergency over break" *laugh* All of the other breaks we have I have rehearsal more times than not.

Summer Rehearsal

District Competition Fun, 2011

So I guess what I'm getting at is that you all out there in internet land/the world, need to realize that we are incredibly overworked AND underpaid (I held a second job bartending on the weekends before I got cancer and had to quit), yet we go above and beyond every.single.day trying to make the best out of a bad situation that the government makes worse with each passing year. So please get on the side of your teachers because if we're not going to educate your children, who will, and if we're not given some semblance of respect for the hard work we do, schools are gonna lose a lot more than just government funding.

So thank your teachers, help your teachers, #RESPECT your teachers. Give *us* that kind word occasionally to let us know that we are truly appreciated for all the hard work we do and valuable time we donate to the success of YOUR children.

Praying to the "Drum Gods" for a good performance

A short update from this Shop-a-holic

2011-03-23T22:03:00.000-05:00

I only spent $3.28 today and that was in some spare cash I had in my purse. I got some fries and an iced tea after PD, on my way to solo rehearsal. I did make my Monday stop at the 7-11 for some Arizona green tea and Cheezits #WouldLoveALifetimeSupplyofBoth and although these are not clothing purchases, it is an area I can and should cut back in.

This past weekend was the large shopping trip round. I don't know how yours plays out but it's about every 3rd shopping trip that the personal items, or "toiletries" need to be replenished and the dog food to be bought. #WatchOut! That means a trip to Target!! I wouldn't be surprised if you heard a shriek of pain from our checking account as we stocked up on the necessities. *laugh* Yet it's a good thing because that has left precious little to which gas must be bought #ThanksGovernment so no shopping for me.

On to the next day...

Competition pieces for Districts...enjoy!

2011-03-18T10:17:00.000-05:00

Just a taste of what we've been working extremely hard on for the past however many months. Competition is next Saturday where hopefully we will get "I" ratings so we can continue on to State at the end of April!

Centrifugal by Chris Crockarell; 8 member ensemble.

Synergy by Chris Crockarell; 4 member ensemble

Thank you Butch @ Purgatory 2 Tattoo in Blue Springs, MO!

2011-03-17T07:10:00.001-05:00

Thank you to Butch and Purgatory 2 Tattoo for the fabulous artwork! You are an incredible artist with a wonderful talent, and a fabulous shop. Thanks for taking away my "tramp stamp" and giving me something more meaningful to my soul.

The old "tramp stamp"

My lotus flower and "Om" symbol

Confessions of this Shop-a-holic

2011-03-15T15:23:00.000-05:00

Well, not even a few days in and I've already tripped up (refusing to use the word fail). This is such a non-thinking behavior for me that I think I need to come up with a mantra to repeat over and over (should watch "Confessions of a Shop-a-holic" for theirs) as I walk through stores on regular shopping trips.

So here's what happened. Two days ago I went to Target and the grocery store for our normal shopping trip. Everything went fine at the grocery store, stuck to my list and made it in and out lickity split (went to Wal-Mart and I try never to stay longer there than absolutely necessary). Anyways, after Wal-Mart was the zip over to Target to get dog food and some other necessaries that I can only find at Target. Without even thinking I moseyed into the clothing section and came face to face with the swim suits.

"OOooooooooo!!!!! Look at that one! The pink with the flowers, the yellow with the swirls...Eek! There's a white one with polka dots and a purple ruffle one. Oh I gotta have it!"

So I ripped the two I was salivating over off the rack, checked the sizes and threw them in the cart without a second thought. Not even *once* did the thought "I gave this up for Lent!" shoot through my brain. I was on the shopping high, the thrill of the bargain, the happy thought of having new bikini's for my new girls, and the giddiness of getting the last pink one!

I got home and immediately took my treasures up to my room to try on. As I was taking the tags off the pink one and ripping the "sanitary liner" out of the bottoms I was suddenly hit with the realization that I had just had an #EPICFAIL in keeping with my decision for Lent.

#Carp

#WTFdidIdo

#FudgeBuckets
#WhatDoIDoNow

Unfortunately I now have to keep the pink one because I had already taken the tags off and tried it on...yeah...but in light of picking myself up and dusting myself off and finding the path again I returned the purple one. Don't believe me? Here's the proof...

I returned it this morning and when the gal asked "Is there anything wrong with it?" my reply was "No, it's me. I have a shopping problem and I didn't need to buy this and I must return it. Thanks" Her reply? "Oh I totally understand, I have a shopping problem as well!"

At least I know I'm not alone.

So folks, I already screwed up but am not going to let it get me down. I can and WILL succeed at this, so I'm gonna hitch myself up by my britches and keep on keepin' on.

"I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!" "I Do Not Need To Shop!"

Mayan Prophecies & 2012; Join me in making a change in the world however small.

2011-03-13T19:51:00.001-05:00

I'm really not kidding when I talk about the winter solstice of 2012. I'm getting my hands on everything I can read about it and here's what I've basically deduced is going on. The Mayan's were right, this 5th Sun period we're living in is the most dangerous to be alive. I mean come on, all you have to do is turn on the news each morning to find out that it's true. Earthquake in Japan anyone? Tsunmai's? Heavy flooding? Economic disaster? Mother nature is thinning the herd peeps, plain and simple, and my belief is that if you want to be around to witness whatever spectacular change is going to take place within us and within the planet, then you better get straight with mother nature and all the divine spirits that reside above.

That's what I'm doing.

The book that I will be referencing from throughout this blog is one of my favorites when it comes to the Mayan civilization, their prophecies, and what we might be able to expect as this period draws to a close, and a new sun dawns. The book is titled "The Maya 2012 The end of the world or the dawn of enlightenment? by Gerald Benedict. Now, as my sister can attest, I can tend to latch onto the bad (remember the killer bees coming up from Mexico back in the 80's? Oh yeah, she teased me relentlessly over that one), and some of the previous books I read about Dec. 21st, 2012 had me spinning off into the deep end of the cosmos imagining nothing but a terrifyingly painful death that makes all of what we are doing now so incredibly trivial.

That was until I found the book I mentioned above and a couple others that I am in the process of reading. For those of you who are sitting there reading this thinking "The Mayan are a long-dead civilization, I don't know what she's talking about, how could an ancient civilization impact our current reality?" let me share a few things with you that are undeniable in their testament.

1) "The Maya are attracting a great deal of attention There are three principal reasons for this, the first being the approach of the end date of their Long Count calendar, 21 December 2012; the second, that at sunrise on that date, with the cycle of precession completed, there will be an alignment of the planets, the Earth, Sun and Milky Way, which only happens every 26,000 years (I heard the last time this happened was when the Dinosaurs roamed the earth), and thirdly, that the message of the Mayan prophecies is intended for those of us who are living during the years leading to and beyond 2012." (pg. xi)

Did you read that/hear that correctly? LEADING TO AND BEYOND 2012.

We're not going to die on Dec. 21st, 2012 folks. Life for us is not going to stop. What *is* going to happen is that life #AsWeKnowIt and our #PerceptionOfLife is going to change. Follow my logic here for a second. First; you can't argue with the cycle of precession. This is something the earth was built to do...she is constantly shifting on her axis, and the idea is that when Dec. 21st, 2012 comes about, ol' mother earth has gone as far as she can go in the direction she is turning/shifting, and *has* to go back the other direction.

Why could this be a problem? As it stands now our lives are inherently wrapped up in how she rotates on her axis right now and therefore how the energy runs through the poles of the earth. When she begins to turn back the other way (which will take another 26,000 years to get to the other side) the energy running North-South through the poles will reverse and our technology will crap out. So therefore our technological life as we know it will cease to exist until the powers that be bring out the newest and best with technology to run off of the pole reversal. Granted I believe there are probably people in the deepest levels of the government that are already working on this and probably have been for years but we won't find out until it's a freaking crisis because as we *all* know those in the deepest levels of secrecy within the government are *MEN* and men never do anything of importance until it's a freaking crisis; *Man Cold* anyone? but I digress....

This could also turn out to be a blessing in disguise. How many hours a day do we spend "hooked into" our technology? I'll be the first to admit that I'm just as addicted to my phone, computer, facebook, blogging, email, twitter, and my fashion site as the next person. I'm the one walking down the halls/street texting on her phone or checking facebook because "God forbid" I miss out on someone's status update or tweet. So within that vein, I'd be okay if all our technology crapped out and we were forced to make face to face connections again; memorize phone numbers, what no speed dial?!, again to dial using a *gasp* land line on a corded phone! or, have to #WALK over to my friend's house because my car won't start because the computer chip inside has burned out.

This could be good for all of us.

Secondly; *all* of the civilizations that are wrapped up in the prediction of the winter solstice of 2012 may not exist anymore as we may think about it but the truth is THEY DO. Think about it for a second. There are still Mayan descendants living in this world. Ancient Egyptians? Yup. Ancient Chinese? Oh yeah. What about the dinosaurs who were "extinguished" so many years ago? All you have to do is go to Louisiana or your local zoo to see their descendants; #Alligator'sAnyone? They didn't all die off, that's just Mother Nature thinning the herd, but their way of life definitely changed; and they adapted and changed with it.

Moving on...

2) "The Maya, uniquely, held to a holistic cosmology that inextricably linked religion, astronomy, mathematics and spirituality. The prophecies perfectly express the combined force of these components and are themselves tied into the calendars and confirmed by the Mayan concept of cyclic time...The Mayans dealt in huge periods of time - which, like the planets themselves, cycled relentlessly only to return to an original 'fixed point' every 26,000 years. The five different periods, or Suns, into which the 26,000 years was divided, all ended with some kind of catastrophe. Each separate period...has its own character, or personality, formed by the events that took place during its cycle. As the periods recur so will the events that characterize them. It therefore follows that if time cycles, so does history." (pg. xv)

I've really begun to see how time is cyclic and not linear, especially being a teacher it's one constant cycle that repeats itself. Schools are constantly caught in the cyclic mode of time; follow me for a second here. Those of us in the education profession are constantly surrounded by the same age groups. Yes, of course they grow up and move on, but we are stuck in that vortex of time that surrounds a high school, junior high, or elementary. Kindergartners are *always* going to have that rough transition from home life to school life. 5th graders are *always* going to be scared of the transition from elementary school to junior high school (or middle school depending upon where you teach). 8th graders are going to think they know it all and then their brain is going to turn into mush once those hormones start raging and all they can think about is the opposite sex. 9th graders are going to be the "Big fish in a small pond" and get too big for their britches. High Schoolers are *always* going to be in that cycle of finding who they really are, exploring relationships whether it be in the friend or romantic category, and Seniors are *ALWAYS* going to get "Senior-itis" in October. The dress code will change over time but *that* is also cyclic in nature. Stirrup pants anyone? Booties? Plaid flannel? Grungey attire? Raise your hand if you're my age and went though those fads once already and are now seeing them come back again.....

#RaisesHand

Mmmm-hmmmm that's what I thought. See my point?

Here's another example, and this is directed towards my fellow women. Look at our "monthly cycle". The actual *event* of Aunt Flow should run like clockwork in most of us. The same time every month an egg is released from our ovaries and if we're not in a place in our lives to use that egg in the way in which it is intended, good ol' "Aunt Flow" comes a knockin' and takes care of it for us. Also think about the time surrounding the event. I can tell you exactly which couple of weeks out of the month I'm going to feel bloated, tired, crabby, and generally skeeved off, and which couple of weeks I'm going to feel super thin fit and fabulous. Instead of lamenting my bloated and "fat" weeks and beating myself up for not being my fit and fabulous self, I instead say "Oh. We're at that point this month. Cool, it'll cycle out and I'll be back to feeling "normal" next week", and I move on with my life until the next month when it cycles all back around.

Can you now see your life as cyclic instead of linear? I sure can and I think that's unlocked a couple of secrets buried deep within the recess of my primordial brain but I'm still exploring those and not ready to share just yet.

3) "What will the future bring? It will not bring the destruction of the world, but it may bring the return, in some form, of a supreme being. Certainly we will face challenging threats and great risks, some beyond our control (earthquakes and tsunamis anyone?), others within the range of our collective responsibility (reduce, reuse, recycle!)." (pg. xi-xvii)

What supreme being? Some say Christ and him taking all his followers in the blink of the eye while leaving the remaining non-believers a chance to "get right with God" so they can spend eternity living with him in peace and harmony. Some others say it's a collective holding of all the divine spirits that reside above that will come put the smack down on us lowly humans and make us change for the better. Or, maybe good ol' Mother Nature is the only supreme being we really need to worry about because SHE is the one who truly gives us life, cradles us within her crust, allows us the air with which we breathe, the water that we drink, and the soil in which to grow food.

One passage I latch onto from the introduction of this book is this..."The combined message of the various prophecies is positive. If we can overcome that sense of lack and recover the wisdom we have lost, we will survive by the natural process of evolution, honing those functions and faculties that will best ensure the continuation of the human race and the planet. Such survival will require the evolution of our minds, and our consciousness, and or spirituality."

So we must all transition. We must all begin to understand that we are NOT all that and a bag of chips. The human race is inherently flawed, and hugely responsible for the mess we find ourselves in, but there IS a way out. It's all cyclic people, remember that. This happened once, it's happening again, and it will happen yet again when it comes back around. "The period of transition through which we are now passing, leading to galactic synchronization, will move us from an age of belief to an age of knowledge. Belief is a matter of faith, of accepting for whatever reason that something is true or reliable...Belief is founded on trust which may, or may not, be based in experience. On the other hand, we know the Sun will rise tomorrow...The prophecy of a new enlightenment is of our transition to this kind of certainty. The Chilam Balam of Tizimin assures us that we 'will begin to esteem our learning and our knowledge of the unrolling of the face of the universe'." (pg 133)

Don't believe me that the Mayan's are and have been correct? Here is an overview of their prophecies that have come true. Keep in mind they made these prophecies thousands of years ago for time periods that had not happened yet, and they made these prophecies with the help of the sun, moon, and stars. (Page 15-41) There are 21 of them, and that's a lot so skim if you will. The BLUE lettering is in Mr. Benedict's words, the rest is my interpretation/spin.

1) Prophecies of the Coming of Foreigners and a New Religion

In summary the Maya fortold the total decline of their classical civilization. It talks about the violent seizure of their land and life by the insurgence of Christianity and the Spanish. This prophecy was to give "...early indication of sudden radical and challenging change, and a warning to prepare for it. Radical change is a theme that runs through all the prophecies that point us to December 2012. This theme, and many others, is carried by the Maya's concept of cyclic time, especially specific periods of time, such as the 20-year katuns. These have particular characteristics that determinded the nature of the events that would recur."

2) The Prophecy of the Emergence of Contemporary Mayan Masters and Teachers
The basic idea of this prophecy is to tell us that there will be people who will return to the sacred Mayan sites as "initiates of the future" They are to enable *us* to have "...new insight and understanding, and to acquire 'cosmic wisdom'". These initiates will not be exclusively Maya. They will represent all cultures, religions, age, sexual orientation, races, and socio-economic class. "Their main concerns will be the problems that have been caused by a materialistic education, the negative influences of a technocratic culture, and our almost total separation from nature. The prophecy speaks of our urgent need of these teachers who, by sharing the recovered wisdom, will lead us back to the basic but ominously neglected sources of spiritual ful(l)filment, and of life itself."

I'll take a guru. #Sign.Me.Up

3) The Prophecy of the Return to Mayan Ceremonial Sites
The last sentence summarizes it best; "Wherever we live, and whatever path we follow, the prophecy calls us to recover our sensitiity to places charged with spiritual energy and knowledge." Go outside and pray to Mother Nature, Mother Earth, because the most sacred site we all share is the earth on which we live. We *must* take better care of her or she's going to "kick us off the island" as it were. I prayed to her as we were traipsing around in the woods yesterday. I remember staring down at a decomposing tree and marveling at the geometric-ness to which it was coming apart. This tree was breaking down into small squares and rectangles and it was fascinating to me. I tapped the tree with my foot and some of the squares and rectangles moved apart from one another, then without thinking I stepped on this log and destroyed it. Not a big deal right? WRONG-O. MAJOR WRONG-O. I destroyed the habitat of numerous bugs who had made that decomposing log their home. I felt horrified. I placed the section of log that broke off back on top as gently as I could as said a prayer which was basically this "OH Mother Nature I'm so sorry I am an unthinking human being apparently bent on destruction. That was a shameful example of my disregard for nature. For that I am humbled and sorry." I took care of where I was stepping from that point on.

4) The Prophecy of the Return of a Supreme Being

"...Rather than predicting the physical return of the ancient god, the prophecy tells us that with the

... initiation of cosmic wisdom people can attain the same, high spiritual state, so as to 'become' Kukulcan...From this moment on, I would like you to realize that we are all Quetzalcoatl or Kukulcan We need only to develop our faculties of consciousness to fully realize that status."

I think this falls in line with the fact that we, humans, use an incredibly small percentage of our brain power. I believe that there is untold wisdom, power, and grace locked away in the deep recesses of our mind that we *must* access in order to survive the change that is coming. I'm working on unlocking mine...are you?

5) The Prophecies of Pacal Votan

I highly recommend that you research these as I cannot give an accurate summary that will make sense. These basically have to do with the Mayan beliefs within burying their king and making a "psychoduct" (pg 19) which helps the dead and undead communicate with one another, and the prophecy "...calls us to use personal, collective and cosmic energy to transcend the materialism and tecno-dominance of our age, so as to prepare for the problematic transition into the next World Age. In this process, humanity will experience an evolutionary development of new creative and communicative faculties". Like I said, research it if you want to understand more.

6) The Prophecy of Galactic Snchronization

This prophecy talks about energies and "influences" that will be released as a result of this conjunction. Keep in mind it only takes place once every 26,000 years so regardless of what happens we're living in an exciting time because *we* will be around to see it! The fact that on Dec. 21st, 2012 the sun is going to rise in conjunction with the 'Dark Rift' of the Milky Way is stellar enough, knowing that people living thousands upon thousands of years ago predicted this was going to happen is unreal.

7) Prophecy Related to the Milky Way

Galactic Synchronization and the Milky Way go hand in hand because the 'Dark Rift' of the Milky Way is where this GS is centered, born from, what it concerns. The Mayan mythology classifies the Milky Way as "The Tree of Life". "The prophecy of the Milky Way forming the symbolic tree-image speaks of the continued evolution of the entire planet and of everything that is dependent on it for its life, both physically and spiritually...the prophecy anticipates a major point of transition in the history of planet Earth, the start of a new World Age, and an unprecedented creative shift in human consciousness and civilization".

I think an unprecedented shift in our consciousness and civilization is just what we need. I'm all for it, are you?!

8) Prophecy Related to the Moon

Now this one is kind of scary to me because I never realized that the Moon was actually characterized with deceitfulness, promiscuity, and unpredictability. Do we really know all the ways the Moon influences our planet? How it influences us? Apparently these characteristics suggest events that will surprise and challenge us...wonder what those will be? "The Moon's association with water implies periods of disastrously destructive flooding" Uh-oh...aren't we already seeing this, and aren't we anticipating a heavy Spring flooding this year in the Midwest due to all the freaking snow? The Maya also used the phrase "Rabbit in the Moon" versus "Man in the Moon"; the rabbit idea carries a link with "drunkenness, and thus of a humanity intoxicated with pleasure and materialism", just take a look at what the state of our television, & magazines cater too (reality TV), and all you have to do is observe those around you to know we're all stuck on having "The Next Best Thing". On the flip-side, any woman can tell you that the Moon is also associated with "womanly ways", as in childbirth, and childbirth as we all know is the *ultimate* sign of renewal, rebirth, the chance to start over, and hopefully this time we'll be "...more cosmically conscious (as a) humanity".

9) The Prophecy Related to Venus
This prophecy speaks to Venus specifically as it transits (crosses) the Sun, and "...speaks of a criticcal period of transition both for our planet and humanity". Because the Maya view/viewed time as cyclic, they prophesied that there would be some form of a major catastrophe (earthquake maybe?) that since it happened once when Venus was rising/declining/or transiting the Sun, that it made sense that it would happen again. Anybody out there watchin' Venus? What's she doing? Is the earthquake in Japan the prophesied one, or one of the earthquakes prior, or one yet to come? According to this book, Venus is set to transit the Sun on June 6th, 2012 and according to Mayan elders, not only is this transit to be understood as a "...visible appearance of the Feathered Serpent which..points to 'Cosmic Initiation'", this is also "...the time when the solar sunspot activity will be at its maximum, generating other forms of energy on Earth."

#Interesting

10) The Prophecy of Transition to a New Age

The Fifth Sun is drawing to a close. From the books that I have read, this is the most dangerous time to be alive. Is it really any wonder? I mean, like I said earlier all you have to do is watch the new each morning or night to see that we're surrounded by natural disasters that seem to never end, they just keep piling one on top of the other on top of the other. The Sixth Sun is predicted to begin in 2012. When this happens, the cycle is going to be reset. The Earth is going to have to start back in the opposite direction working towards the next 26,000 year Galactic Synchronization. I find it interesting that the Maya called this "..time between ages...'Apocalypse'." What a scary word isn't it? Apocalypse means "...a time of revelation or disclosure", when you put it that way it's not that scary. "Our transition towards a New Age offers us the chance to improve and stabilize our relationships, and to accept our responsibility for the Earth"

Did you read that?! OUR RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE EARTH. Sure, maybe a lot of the things that are happening are just *what happens* during this time/age, but it can't be ignored that we have helped spin the world off into the deep end, and we must work at getting it back. I'm comforted by the notion that in Mayan culture, this New Age is the sign of the creation of a new world and hopefully the regeneration of our humanity and planet's sustainability.

11) The Prophecy of the Unity of Mankind

Isn't this what we all want? Peace and unity for all of us? Within all of us? This prophecy speaks to the NECESSITY of us all banding together, forgetting our differences and realizing that we are ALL fundamentally the same and must ALL work together if we are going to succeed and survive.

12) The Prophecy of a New 'Enlightenment'

I love this prophecy because it talks about how we all need to make a radical shift in our perceptions (Quantum Physics anyone?) and really look again at our relationship with nature and to really understand how we fit into the universe. In the words from the movie Contact, "If we're the only things out there, isn't that an incredible waste of space?" Reading through this prophecy it becomes known that some of us will experience this shift immediately following Dec. 21st, 2012, and for the rest of us it will be a gradual change but nonetheless a remarkable one.

My idea of Cosmic Consciousness

13) The Prophecy of Cosmic Consciousness

"The Maya understood that everything that exists is energy, and that consciousness is a property of matter. Thus, what appears to be a prophecy rooted in an abstract, metaphysical process is in reality, far more concrete." I understand this to relate to the idea of Quantum Physics and that there are multiple realities surrounding us at all times and the choices that we make steer us down the particular realities those choices are attached too. This is such a large and vast concept that I can't comprehend it right now. I'm working on it though because I believe this is the key to our perceptions and the key to living the life we *really* want to live. "The prophecy speaks of the power of sharply focused collective thought which may, potentially, be the most powerful energy humankind has ever realized".

If you've made it this far, bravo. I know this stuff is hard to understand and at times scary but I would rather do as much research as I can and learn as much as I can about this topic, and then to be called a *weirdo* then to have something happen that I am totally unprepared for and quite possibly die because of it. *Shrug* To each their own.

14) The Prophecy of Recovered Memory

This prophecy is both sad and uplifting. It's sad because it's based off of the idea that we have forgotten all that our ancestors knew about being one with the Earth, one with nature. This has lead to us destroying the only home that we have, and that is such a pity. Are there other planets out there that could be our new habitat? #Sure. Is that going to happen within the next year? #ProbablyNot. The "Recovered Memory" is just that. The wisdom, or cosmic consciousness that we all have stored in our primordial brain, will be recovered and we will become one with nature again. "The prophecy speaks of a memory revolution. This recovery of knowledge 'will enable people to echo the memory of the universe. And the new humankind will possess special capabilities, rationality and emotion".

That's pretty damn cool if you ask me. I wonder what types of abilities our future child(ren) will have. It's quite a thought.

Why do we want to destroy this?

15) The Prophecy of the Destruction of the Earth

Doesn't that just warm you heart and make you feel all fuzzy inside. It's actually not as bad as it sounds, "What the prophecy speaks of clearly is that while a sudden, terminal end of the Earth is unlikely (that's good to know), we will have to work through the consequences of our spoilation of the planet, and our exploitation of its natural resources." Of course we do, we've the mess and we have to deal with it. I cringe anytime I remember the Oprah show I watched that showed a garbage swirl as big as the state of TEXAS, yes you read that correctly, a *gargabe swirl* the size of TEXAS out in one of our oceans. Are you kidding me people?! In the OCEAN!?! Wtf do you think is going to happen to all of the life that depends on that water for their survival. Is it not enough that we have to crap up our neighborhoods and streets because we're too damn lazy to throw our trash in a TRASH CAN or, here's a novel concept, a RECYCLING BIN, that we let it get washed out to sea and expand into something the size of TEXAS? This just makes me sick to my stomach. Sometimes on the highway I want to ram the person in front of me when they flick their cigarette butt out the window. You're going to hell for that. Trust me on that one.

*Deep Breath* Sorry I got side tracked there for a second...In relation to this prophecy it is comforting to know that each age, or Sun, is marked by some extreme natural catastrophe, hence why I'm not panicked like I was originally when I first started looking into this topic. If every Sun ended in catastrophe yet there were still people to continue living on, I'm okay with that. This is the cyclic nature of time. Maybe if we really understand this, then as we mosey through the Sixth Sun we can put to right what we screwed up and make the Earth an even better place to be.

16) Prophecy of Earth Changes, Ecology and Climate

This prophecy states "...the surface of the Earth will be moved..." How many earthquakes all of the world have there been this year? Don't think the surface of the Earth has shifted with all of those? Of course it has. This prophecy is about "...our pollution of the biosphere in the decades leading to 2012, which has set us in conflict rather than in harmony with nature...all those elements of the Earth that support life, are at risk". There is debate about which has contributed more to global warming and climate change; advances in science and technologies or those industries that support them. There is also debate over whether the climate changes we are experiencing and have experienced are due to *us* or whether it's more of a natural cycle that the Earth follows as it marches along it's cycle of precession. It would stand to reason that if time is cyclic, then this *is* what is supposed to be happening at this moment in time in terms of climate changes, but we still need to pull our heads out of our rear's and reconnect with nature. "The disturbances of our land shall eventually turn back", gives a positive light and suggests we will remember what it means to take care of the planet...our home. One can hope.

17) The Prophecy of Changes to the Earth' s Magnetic Field

This prophecy speaks to excessive sunspot activity (No CBS, you may not blame anything on sunspots), and changes in the Earth's magnetic center, as well as the Sun's. Apparently NASA has corroborated this, and some sort of disaster seems likely. We've already seen reports of increased sunspot activity on the Sun...is this another prophecy coming true?

18) Prophecies of Evolution and Genetics

This is a cool prophecy. Pretty much we're going to evolve into more mature spiritual beings with a higher level of human consciousness, complete with abilities, skills, and creativity that are unimaginable at this point in time. I think that's wicked cool to know that we either will evolve into more creative beings, or we will evolve so that we are able to tap into the creativity that is already inherent within each one of us. This prophecy relates to Kundalini Yoga. Research it if you like, it's an interesting concept and I believe that a couple of years ago I witnessed my first surge of Kundalini power up my spine, but with no teacher to guide me it cannot and should not be unleashed.

19) The Prophecy of Transcending Technology

"The prophecy calls us back to the running theme of our need to recover our natural integration with nature, and speaks of our urgent need to transcend a technology that is rapidly approaching the time when technology will transcend us". We're so plugged in all the time that we're missing the world around us. Go ahead, take those ear buds out and power down your phone for 30minutes. Take a book, sit outside, feel the sun or wind upon your face and just be. Go ahead, I won't tell...

20) The Prophecy of Time

I enjoy this prophecy because it tells us that the end of time won't be what 2012 is all about. It's not going to be the end of the world, it's going to be "the end of the conventional way we understand and experience time". I find this last sentence intriguing, "Our awareness...will gather considerable momentum towards 2012, but to change our concept of time will require a radical alteration of our perception". Is an hour going to hold the same definition anymore? A second? A minute? A day? Only way to find out...

21) The Prophecy that We Are the Prophecy

Of course we are. We're the people who are living prior to this moment in history and we are the ones who will live during it and after it. Most importantly the prophecy points to us as the ones who are necessary for this radical shift, we can't pass this off to a different generation. We have to do it. We have to make the change. I'm getting ready, are you?

***************************

So this is what I have been discovering and reading about for some quite time now. Call me weird, that's okay because #1 I am so it's no big surprise, and #2 I'd rather be called "weird" if nothing happens on Dec. 21st, 2012, than to be wholly unprepared for what is going to happen. Know what I mean?

Read the book ("The Maya 2012: The end of the world, or the dawn of enlightenment?" by Gerald Benedict) for yourself, find other books to read, articles on-line, what-have-you. This is my 3rd book on this subject that I have read, I've watched a documentary, read some articles, and discussed with others. We're in a historic period and have great opportunities to change not only the world but how we perceive it and each other.

I'm ready to hop off the hand-basket the government has us in that's headed towards Hell, and jump onto the collective consciousness of the universe and immerse myself in it's cosmic wonder. I hope you'll take the plunge with me, but it's okay if you start with just your toes.

I've made a decision, RE: Lent

2011-03-12T08:32:00.000-06:00

Whatever your religious affiliation/belief(s) may be, there's one thing to be said for believing in something greater than you, for believing that there might just be someone or something out there that can give you some peace, guidance, help, whatever. I like to believe that there are numerous, wonderful divine spirits that reside above and watch over us, guide us, help us make the right choices in our lives.

That's why I'm going to observe Lent this year. Jesus

(and all his variations) is one of the divine spirits I believe in, and the purpose of Lent revolves around the sacrifice he made for us all. I figure if he sacrificed his *life* I can sacrifice something of great importance too me. Something that some would say I am addicted too (probably rightly so), something that gives me true pleasure and contentment,

#Shopping

If you know me, you know I love, love, *LOVE* to shop. Hell, my dad dubbed me "Imelda Marcos" years ago because my shoe and purse collection kept building up "NO dad, these black shoes are, like, *so* different from the other 5 pairs in my closet" *laugh*. I dig getting a good bargain, true, but I just love shopping plain and simple; Target, Charlotte Russe, Forever21, eBay. The rush of buying that super cute top, those to die for shoes...priceless. The smell of COACH leather, there's not another thing like it in this world.

Back in college I gave my soul to the credit card devil for those new shoes, super cute top, and 50th pair of jeans, and I'm still paying my way out. *sigh* While I don't use plastic as liberally as I did in the past, I still have an addiction too it. That's why I closed down as many accounts as I could (I had a successful run at paying some off near my alter years of college) a couple of years ago and; I just took my last credit card *out* of my wallet because in truth the only way I won't use it is if I don't have access to it (kind of like the reason I don't like keeping sweets in the house). Even with the credit card devil out of my reach, there's still the problem of my check card and the fact that I am the main "shopper" for the family so therefore make frequent trips to the grocery store and Target (dog food) where the impulse can take over.

I'd say that on average I overspend by about $30-$50 per trip to either place. I go to the grocery store about twice a month for the main grocery loads and probably about two more times to replenish the necessary items like milk, creamer, almond milk, and bread. Twice a month, along with the main grocery trip, is the trip to Target for dog food. For whatever reason, Target's the only place that carries the type of food our dogs eat, and the temptation to walk through the clothing section and pick something out because "Hell, it's *only* $30" is almost to much too bear sometimes. So let's say $50 bucks twice a month with the main shopping trips, then $30 a pop on the side trips and that's $160 a month. Then the awful truth is that I probably spend another $100 just straight up on clothes in a month. Then tack on an extra $40 a month in Walgreens stops during the school week, and I average $300 a month I'm just p!ssing away. That's horrid when I see that in print, but that's what I need to see. I need to see the awful truth of it and put it out there for everyone to know because then and only then will I begin to change. That money could be put to better use in our lives and that's what I intend to do.

So there it is folks, there's my dirty little secret. I'm a shop-a-holic, I *love* shopping, and I intend to give it up for Lent. So here's the plan. Anytime I feel the need to shop, I will take the money that I most likely would have spent and either give it away to charity or put it in savings. Here's my first savings drop. Below are two items that I want really really bad. They would freshen up my wardrobe with a light spring "kick" and would bring me on trend with what's new this season. Now, do I really need either of these? NO. Would I like to have them? Oh yeah. I've already got items to pair them with, and places to wear them. I've already imagined them in my closet, but I'm not.gonna.buy.them. Here they are...both are from Body Central

1) Printed One Shoulder Top, $22.80
2) Fleur-de-Lies Print Belted Tube Dress, $24.80 (purple is the one I want)
3) Horseshoe Thong Sandal, $14.50 (silver)

Adding that all up; $22.80 + $24.80 + $14.50 = $62.10, then tack on some shipping and handling and we're looking at $70 give or take. *wow* So, I am now going to mosey on over to my banking website and transfer that amount from our checking account into our savings account, or rather maybe I should transfer it onto the credit card to pay it down some more...hmmmm...thoughts? The way I see it is that if I were going to spend that money anyways I should rather "pay myself" than the big corporate mongers to add more clothing to a closet that is already jam packed full of beautiful things.

So that's my plan. That's my thank you to the big man in the sky for the sacrifice he made, it's time for me to make my own. I will chronicle as I go along this new journey because I know it's going to be one tough thing for me to do. So give me your support however you like, even if it's just some positive thoughts into the greater beyond, or dedicating a yoga practice to me and my quest to give up shopping for at least 40 days.

It shall be interesting.

My bestest friend in the whole wide world + Rascal Flatts?!

2011-03-09T20:39:00.001-06:00

ONE WORD...

EPIC.

Okay maybe not as "epic" as when we were 21, footloose and fancy free, but for a couple of young 30-year-old's, one of whom is a mom and the other a teacher, the fact that we were out on a *Sunday* night for happy hour &the Rascal Flatts concert, then home by 1130pm/midnight...well, *that* my friends is EPIC.


L: Junior year of high school R: Kickin' Cancer Party

Mischa and I have been friends since about the 8th grade, so just about 14 years of age...32 minus 14 is 18 years! It's absolutely stunning to realize that we have been friends through thick and thin, good times and bad, periods of joy, periods of sorrow, and life-changing events on both sides for over half our life.

#Crazy.

Two "Lion's Leap" outfits and our band uniform

We were inseparable in high school, she was the Tuba Goddess, and I was the Drum Line "B!tch" (yes that was my nickname given to me with love by the Line; don't tell me you're shocked! ;) She ran with the "Hicks" throughout her time at LHS, whereas I was the band geek/school geek girl on the swim team trying to be cool chick, yet she was my bestest friend in the whole wide world, and I hers.

Over the course of our friendship we have hit a rocky patch or two, but we have *always* come out stronger for it on the other side and that is a true friendship. There are things that I only share with her because she "gets me". There are things she shares only with me because I know the truth behind the story and I'm not afraid to smack her upside the head with the usual "No ding-dong, this is what you need to do and you know it", and thankfully she does the same for me.

Everyone should have a bestest friend in the whole wide world; a friend like Mischa. Someone who knows you *so* stinkin' well it's like staring in the mirror. Someone who no matter where life takes you, no matter how much you grow up, nor how many weeks you go without seeing each other, it doesn't matter because they are truly your other half.

Prom May 1996

Our wedding June 2005

From pre-teen fantasies to squealing about boys, marching in the band, first boyfriend's, teenage angst, parent woes, Prom, after-Prom, Lion's Leap, winter formal, to coasting Mass Street with the top down listening to Spice Girls and "smoking" a cigarette cause we thought we looked cool (I say "smoking" cause I'm pretty sure we mostly held it). From parental divorce trauma, to those early college days; a year of not talking because we were both too stubborn to admit our faults, to reuniting our two halves of a whole again.

Puberty, wild college days, turning 30, marriage, divorce, babies, and now cancer; there's not much we haven't been through, and there's no one else I would have rather traveled this journey with.

As we've gotten older and become more "adult", our lives leave us precious little space to spend time together. We live about 45minutes apart from one another, which isn't that far granted, but with my busy school schedule and her two kiddos and new hubby keepin' her busy, we don't get much "face" time anymore.

But we always make time for Rascal Flatts!

I think it started about six years ago with my first *real* concert. I've never been a "concert goer". Prior to this one, the only one I'd ever been too was Bela Fleck and the Flecktones the winter after I graduated from high school. I was never big into concerts because I didn't understand why someone would want to spend all that money to just go see something that 9 times out of 10 sounded better on the CD anyways. That was until I saw RF open for Kenny Chesney that summer. I was transfixed. I was hooked. I had to go again.

Rascal Flatts 2011

Ever since that concert it became our "thing" to go see the Flatts in concert whenever they were/are here in KC. I'll be honest and tell you that I wasn't sure how long I was going to last, Sunday night. As my wonderful husband would attest, I have the circadian rhythm of a 70 year old...no offense but it's true. I tend to fall asleep around 8:30 because I get up for gosh forsaken early (4:30am) and on the weekends I tend to fall asleep around 930 and wake up around 7. What can I say, it's the way I'm wired anymore. So I was a little concerned when we bought the tickets because the concert was on a Sunday night, but we partied like mature, adult, responsible rock stars ;), and it's another good memory in the books. ;)

So thank you my dear for putting up with me all these years. You are truly the bestest friend a girl could have, a wonderful mother, a loving wife, and a beautiful woman inside and out. I am grateful to have you in my life.

"Good night sweet heart well it's time to go,

Doh, doh-doh-doh.

Good night sweet heart well it's time to go,

Doh, doh-doh-doh.

I hate to leave you but I really must say,

Oh!

Goodnight Sweetheart Goodnight!

Doh-doh-dee-oh-doh-dee-oh-do"

Love ya babe. I'll talk to you later ;)

Goodbye my Booger Cat

2011-03-05T00:55:00.002-06:00

I don't know what happened. We left for Andy and Stacie's around 6:30. Booger was upstairs finishing up his dinner and biting me on the leg on the way out the door. We came home at 11pm, loved on the dogs then went upstairs to get into bed. I went into my room to change for bed and my beloved Booger cat was laying dead on my pink yoga mat up against my dirty laundry (one of his favorite things to lay in).

#WhatTheFvckHappened

#HeWasOnlyEight&aHalf

#I'mGonnaMissTheLittleBasterd

#Damn

Baby Booger-cat

So goodbye my Booger Cat, I can't believe you're gone. I raised you from a palm sized kitten who needed to be bottle fed and held close to the body to stay warm, to the onrey little Basterd you were up to the day you died. Part of me wishes I had been here, as if that could have prevented whatever it was that took your life. Part of me is grateful I wasn't here because I'd be in be in even worse shape than I am now. I'm doubly sorry that you are wrapped in a trash bag laying on the cold garage floor right now until the morning when we can bury you in the back of the yard underneath some trees.

You ruled the roost from the beginning, but being raised with Chigger you learned how to get along with dogs. Left to your own devices in the apartment you developed your mean streak. Hiding underneath the table and whipping out with claws so sharp that they caught air but still cut our legs...oh you were an evil one. *heart* Destroying rolls of paper towels or toilet paper and trailing the shredded paper all over the place; you particularly like the rolls wrapped in plastic. The day Tim and I fashioned a harness leash out of some rope, strapped it around you and carried you out to the woods surrounding the apartment...dang that was hilarious! Slinking close to the ground, ears laid back yet fascinated by the sights, sounds, and smells...priceless.

Lilly and Booger's first meeting

You endured many things over the years including but not limited too:
-tape on the paws, scrunchie around the middle, tape down your nose, string tied to the end of your tail, plastic bag looped around your tail (*THAT* is a fun one too do), and the love-hate relationship you had with the Lilly-dog. You ruled the roost until Lilly came along, yet you patiently endured her puppy attacks and let her think she was the "Queen in Resi-dahnce". Then you learned how to fight back and tell her who was reallly the boss around here. But then the two of you struck an uneasy truce that at least allowed you to share the bed on a rare occasion.

Classic Booger "B!tch-slap"

This didn't happen very often

Buck was brought into our family two years after Lilly was and you really didn't waste any time letting him know who the boss was and who ran the show. You loved chasing after him in the house because you sensed his goofiness and willingness to rough and tumble back.

After a rough and tumble session

All you wanted was love and I didn't give you as much as you deserved and for that I am sorry. I am sorry you had to die alone on the floor of my room; that must have been incredibly scary for you. I pray to little baby Jesus that you went swiftly and felt no pain and are now in kitty heaven tearing up rolls of paper towels, chasing dogs, eating your favorite kind of cat food, and getting rubbed behind the ears all you want. You were one onrey little terd, but I loved you to the depths of my soul. Goodbye my Booger-cat you little fvcker; you may be gone but you will never be forgotten.

Booger-cat 2003-2011

Two things that came across my facebook page today,

2011-03-04T16:33:00.001-06:00

made me extremely proud to be a teacher, *AND* music educator.

I wear purple for my friend today

2011-03-01T05:12:00.001-06:00

I recently found out that a very dear friend has been diagnosed with various forms of cancer including lung and brain. I know Stage 3 was mentioned but I'm not sure what it pertains to as I'm still reeling from the shock. I called the other day and made plans to visit today. I had to go armed to fight the fight; I had to find a pair of shoes to wear to kick the cancer out of him...but what color? Purple. Purple is the color for people who have survived cancer and I figure since he's fighting and surviving from multiple, he more than deserves Purple.

I met "Sean" when I started my first real serving job at *the* restaurant in town (I worked with my sister as well and she introduced me to him) and I knew he was somebody special. He owned that job; he rocked it. I remember watching him and my sister dance around everyone else in that intricate step all good servers must embody. The almost effortless way they remember what everybody at the table is eating & drinking, as well as the regular's favorites. The way people gravitated to him as he sat at the polished wood bar after a shift, with his white polo unbuttoned, a glass of beer in one hand and a Camel Turkish Gold in the other. *What a memory* This man and my sister (among with a handful of others) taught me everything I needed to know about how to serve food, do it well, *enjoy* it, and make good money doing it. Thank you for that.

I spent a lot of time with Sean over my time at the restaurant. We worked a lot of shifts together, we partied together, and we sat and talked after shifts in the meeting room. Hell, he knew/felt Tim was going to marry me before *I* did. He ushered at our wedding and then I moved to Kansas City. I have seen him at birthday events for my sister and at the restaurant over the years but haven't kept in touch like I should have. I'm sorry for that, but you've never been far from my thoughts.

I'm sorry that cancer has decided to touch your life and make it suck for a while. I'm sorry that you hurt. The pain that I saw in your eyes today made my heart ache, and the edge of fear in them made me sick to my stomach. I know what you're going through, yet I know I was lucky to not have to experience the magnitude of which you are having to go through. I am deeply sorry that I can not take this for you, I know that is slightly ridiculous because who could really do that but I would if I could!

So even though there are a lot of sorry's, and some tears yet to be shed, I do know a lot of things as well.

I *know* that you will beat this. I *know* that I will help you through it in whatever way that I can. I *know* that nobody in your life, including yourself and your doctors is going to let go until it's pummeled into the ground. I *know* that it's going to suck for a while...a long while...but know this...it WILL end. Your hair *will* return, your strength will come back, your desire to eat, laugh, and do more than just sleep will come back. You'll be able to sleep comfortably again, and your energy will return during the day. You're going to learn how to say whatever phrase is particularly difficult for you and/or actually follow through with it. For me it was "I just can't do that right now", and "NO"..that was a *big* lesson. Things that once were so direly important will seem extremely trivial in the grand scheme of things.

Among many other things I *know* that you have the strength and the courage to kick this cancer out the door, turn on your heel, and strut yourself back through the kitchen doors of the restaurant with the flip of your hand and that strong voice to bellow out "Sean's here!" Don't doubt it for one second.

I'll be there whenever you need me and whenever I can, wearing my purple cancer kickin' shoes. My hot pink ones worked for me, let's let the magic of the purple suede work for you.

Love you.

Dress Code, ID Badges, Behavioral and Emotional Support...things they don't tell you in college about being a public school teacher.

2011-02-25T13:11:00.000-06:00

So for years I've toyed with the idea of writing a book about my adventures in teaching so far. One inspired title is "Tales of a Crazy White Lady; My life as a Public School Teacher in an Urban School District" and the other is the title of this blog "Things they don't tell you in college about being a Public School Teacher". Even though this idea might never go further than this blog post, I do feel it necessary to lay out some things for those who are currently in school to become a music educator, or otherwise.

August 2003. School is two weeks away from starting and I have an interview for an Assistant Band Director position with Hickman Mills High School. I remember everything about that day. How hot it was, what I wore, my first drive along what is now my daily commute, how I had to wait in the mall area outside the office for what seemed like forever before being called in by Marilyn. How I hoped and prayed throughout the entire interview that my wit, charm, and education was enough to land me the position. 3 days later it was mine.

My first day was actually a couple of days after school had already started. Talk about getting lost from the get-go. Not only had I missed out completely on the summer band camp, but I was also hired after all of the initial beginning of the year meetings so I missed out on all the pertinant information needed to start the year off right. My first day was really weird and stressful. I walked in through the doors that morning with my box full of stuff to encounter a throng of kids so vast, loud, and *taller* than me it was unreal. I suddenly felt very small and out of place. I went to the office because I had *no idea* where my room was. There hadn't been time for a tour of the building and the head director wasn't there that day so I was on my own. The scene replays in my head somewhat like this: I walk into the office that is a beehive of activity. Kids are standing at the front desk needing everything from ID badges to schedules. The secretaries are running around, answering phones, radioing to the administrators on the walkie-talkies and trying to calm down irate parents or students all before the first bell rings.

What am I doing here.

Marilyn catches sight of me and says "Great! You're here! Here are your keys, you know the way to your room, here's your schedule, have a great day!" and with a turn she was gone.

What am I doing here.

I looked at my schedule and it said room 313. Okay, I thought, I'm an intelligent human being, I can figure this out. Surely there are signs on the walls that indicate what rooms are which way...thank goodness there were! I found my way to the band room and met the other Assistant Director. He was taking care of rehearsal that day and I just basically stood back and watched. After band he took me on a tour of the district so I could see where the elementary school's I was assigned to were at. We got back near the end of the day and after a faculty meeting where I sat in stunned silence I gratefully walked out to my car to head home. Only I'd left the lights on all day and it was dead. Thankfully a colleague gave me a jump and I was on my way home shortly after thinking the whole way...

What am I doing here.

It's 8 years later and I still hold the same position, with a few tweaks. Obviously I survived and have morphed into a pretty damn good teacher, if I do say so myself, but there have been numerous lessons along the way. For those of you currently in college working towards a Bachelor's in Music Education or Bachelor's in Education, please allow me to give you a few pointers that you're not going to get in those MEMT or ED classes.

1) As a teacher you are not just there to teach your subject; you're there to teach yours *plus* everyone else's as well. You're the band teacher and had panic attacks in school when doing math? Too bad! You have to incorporate math into your lesson plans and rehearsals. This is still something I struggle to do. I'm pretty good at it during marching season because we have drill that is written on graph paper and it's easy to talk parallel lines, right angles, perpendicular, etc and hit on "FOIL", and there are some signs between the two that are similar (< and >) but that's about the limit of my expertise but I do what I can. Mixing in Comm Arts is easier because I can always have the kids write a concert critique, there's bellwork, vocab words all the time *and* most of those are in Italian.

Science? I'll tackle that one next year

2) You have to go to meetings...a LOT. It's called #ProfessionalDevelopment breathe it, live it, own it, *love it* cause you'll be doing a lot of it. If you're a core subject teacher, these PD's are useful and informational. You're presented with tools that you can use immediately in your classroom that will produce results. For the band teacher, especially at the high school level, who is trying desperately to get their group ready for contest it can be hard to work these tools into rehearsal. Usually the criteria is met through the use of bell work but even then I don't feel like it's enough. Oh well, there's always next week's PD to get new ideas to try.

3) You're going to be more to these students than just their teacher, you're going to become that constant adult presence in their life, their safe zone, the one they can trust. Many of them you are going to invest a lot of time in, many are going to invest a lot of time in you. Treasure that relationship because *that* is how you educate them and turn them into the productive and responsible citizens we *ALL* want them to become.

4) You've got to adopt your own style of teaching, that's for sure, but if I can give one piece of advice. Always have them think you're *just* on this side of crazy. I know my kids think I'm nuts, and they're right...I am. You have to be a little crazy to become a teacher because otherwise you'll go insane!

5) Know that even the most incredibly, frustratingly, irritatingly, annoyingly, seemingly disrespectful student needs you. They're the ones that need you to stop them in the hall with a firm word and ask them if they've gone and done lost their mind! They need your redirection just as much as they need your softer side; the squeeze on the shoulder, the kind word, the "You did a good job"...those are the ones who need the full meal deal and then some. We're the ones who can give it to them.

6) Know who *really* runs the school. No it's not the students, and no offense to any administrators, but anyone worth their salt knows that the secretaries and custodial staff are the ones who keep the building running. These people are the salt of the earth and angels in disguise. They are your best friends and you should treat them accordingly. They put up with a lot more than us teachers will ever know and they still manage to get donuts ordered for our staff meetings (at least they did before funding got cut...again).

7) You're going to have a lot of "extra duty" opportunities. Some of them you can choose to do, some you have no choice. Some you will get paid for, others you will not. We all must do our share in order for the kids to be able to have their games and dances, career fairs and graduation. Just make sure to still leave time for yourself. Some of my teacher friends I worry about because it seems like they are *always* at school. Granted I was there a lot more before cancer and now it's made me put some things into perspective, but I still have my 3 long days a week and usually 5 during marching season. Suck it up and do what you have to do but also learn how to say "I just can't do that right now, you're going to have to find somebody else".

8) You should have a mentor your first year and if something happens where you slip through the cracks, like what happened with me, please demand to be paired with a veteran teacher. This is vital to our success in your first few years. I felt like I was out there treading water on my own for a couple of years and even though I feel as if I've hit my stride this year I still feel like I'm playing catch up.

9) If you haven't already found time to substitute, DO IT NOW. I spent a semester substituting and not only did it open my eyes to a lot of behavioral issues out there, but it helped me better prepare for when I had to do it for real. So get your name out there and sub a couple of times, you'll be glad you did.

10) You are going to spend more time addressing dress code and ID badge violations then you know what to do with. You are also going to fight the sagging, short skirts, legging as pants, untucked no belt-wearing issue all.the.time. Prepare to give up portions of you plan time to deal with these issues when you're on hall duty. It's just the way it is.

11) Your acronym vocabulary is going to *explode* your first couple of years. AYP, QAR, MAP, NCLB, PBTE, SMART Goals, DOK, GLE, the list goes on and on. Listen up in your staff meetings to find out what these are all about and ask your mentor or trusted veteran teacher what you're supposed to do with them.

12) REMEMBER: YOU are in charge. Not the students. YOU run the show. YOUR success as a teacher and their success as a student is more important than whether or not they like you all the time. I've seen it happen before with first year teachers, especially those who are close in age with the seniors (i.e. 21 and 18). They think they can just be the student's friend and everything will go just fine. Not so much. You can be their friend in a fashion but you are also the teacher, disciplinarian, adult in charge, and mentor. If you just try to be their friend they're going to steam roll over you like they do their other friends (especially if they're a dominant personality), so rather define the line, let them know you're just about half crazy and proceed through your day. Things will go a lot better for you.

13) Hall Duty, Bus Duty, Lunch Duty, Restroom Duty, Hall-sweep duty. 5 things in a teachers day that are all incredibly important and incredibly annoying. Just like PD, live this, breathe this, own this, love this.

There are so many other things that pop up daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, semesterly, and yearly that I *still* think to myself "There's another thing I wish I would've been told in college", that it's impossible to list them all. I'm not trying to scare you, brave soul, cause Lord knows we need you in our schools to take the torch from those who have gone before you and continue to carry on, inspire, and educate. I just want to bring into the light some things that they don't tell you about in all of your method's classes as you're standing there in front of your friends who you just partied with the night before and who now have to act like teenagers in a classroom (reality? I think not). I want you to know so you're not caught off guard when you finally sign on your dotted line, get your wad of keys and find the way to *your* room.

Just remember to take deep breaths, go to your happy place and remember why you entered this profession in the first place and you'll find the strength to keep going.

Good Luck!

Scary times to be a teacher these days.

2011-02-25T07:23:00.001-06:00

8 and a half years ago I signed on the dotted line, received my wad of keys, walked down to the band room, met my kids, and started this chapter of my life entitled "Teacher". I was *elated* because I had a JOB and not only that but it was a job teaching MUSIC! I was a #ProfessionalBandGeek!! *Finally* after 7 years of school and an anxious summer searching and interviewing for positions, I finally landed one in Hickman Mills (where I reside still to this day)

For all that time, I've had the wonderful task of #ShapingYoungMinds, #SpreadingTheJoyOfMusic, #RockingTheDrumLine, giving them the #"Stout"PerspectiveOnLife, on how to be a #Respectful and #Productive person. Aside from all of the things I have to do on a daily basis that I never thought I would (another blog post coming soon), I love what I do without question. Even on the days I'm frustrated beyond belief I still love it and I hope I always do.

With that said, it's a damn scary time to be a teacher. I can't speak for my colleagues, or teacher friends scattered across the US, but I'm fairly sure that aside from the love of our subjects taught, we entered the education profession because it's a #SECURE career...at least it was. I'll admit that I don't follow politics and what's going on with the economy closely because it causes me to get *super* anxious and spin off the deep end into the chaos and that's not good for anybody. There's also my feeling deep inside that something HUGE is going to happen in 2012 that makes this all so very very trivial, but that's another topic for another day.

What I can't ignore anymore is the state of affairs when it comes to public education and the security of my job, my livelihood, my friends jobs and livelihood, but most importantly what this problem is doing to the future of this world. It is beyond scary. We all know that the our public education system has been lagging behind other countries for years. I quite firmly believe this is due to the numerous rules, regulations, policies, procedures, mandates, and laws our *fabulous* government (note the heavy sarcasm) has been throwing on top of us for years. NCLB anyone? AYP? Teaching for the MAP test? Dress Code? ID Badge violations? No electronics? ADA? SMART Goals & Closing the Achievement Gap?

I wish, knowing what I know now, that I could have been a fly on the wall during staff meetings/Professional Development back when I was in high school. Did the teachers then have as much anxiety over the security of their jobs? Did they have to talk budget cuts every.single.year? Did they have to spend as much time "Teaching to the Test" as they did on #DressCodeViolations? Did my band teachers go home after their Wednesday PD thinking to themselves, "Great. I'm trying to get ready for district and state competition and on top of all the rehearsals lost to snow day's, I now have to surrender rehearsal time to "Power Verbs", "MAP terms", and working math, science, and comm arts in somehow." Never mind the fact that math gave me panic attacks, science was like a foreign language to me, and who remembers how to diagram a sentence anyways? Yet I have to do it because it's mandated by the government that if *WE*, the teachers, don't raise the test scores, we're out of a job. Add to that the stress over whether said government is going to cut MORE funds from our already limited resources #aremypaychecksgoingtostartbouncing? and it's no wonder that we're all a little on edge lately.

It's just so incredibly sad. As my awareness spreads out around this crisis I am shocked and dismayed at the ignorance of the government. You powerful men sitting in your ivory towers atop Capitol Hill have lost all touch with reality. Seriously. Would you all stop looking at your fancy suits and shiny shoes for a second and LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE AND CONTINUE TO DO TO THIS NATION. Cutting funding for vital services such as Education, Police, & Social Services? #AREYOUNUTS?!?! I really resent the fact that you are trillions upon trillions in debt because you've given yourselves so many tax cuts, pay raises, and bonuses; borrowed who knows how much from other countries, have sold *our* souls to the oil devil so you could keep your Escalade and Bluetooth Blackberry, and have focused on helping the rest of the world instead of keeping us on track for so long that I don't know if we'll *ever* make it back. I also *REALLY* resent the fact that I have to pay my taxes on time every year yet the possibility that I'll get a refund? #Small The possibility that said refund will be sent on time? #ABSOLUTEZERO I hold onto the thought that on Dec. 21st, 2012 a great chasm will open up under Washington and swallow you all and *poof!* all of our problems will be solved by mother nature...but I digress.

Let's speak frankly for a second. I really really REALLY resent the fact that I might lose my job because of your ineptitude at balancing the budget. I'm a damn good teacher but because you're unable to manage your money #LETaWOMANDOIT! and have been unable to manage your money for such a long time, I might lose my job because I'm not *essential* to meeting your ridiculous test score requirements. Let me clue you in on a secret here...music is #VITAL to a child's full, well rounded education. Watch this if you're confused, he says it best Mike Huckabee: Art and Music essential to education. I'll vote for this guy just based off of this. He's a freaking GENIUS! Why don't all of you on Capitol Hill take a second and think back to your days in school and how music and art played an intricate role in your education. Bill Clinton playing the saxophone anyone? Would you be where you are today without that experience? Music makes you use both sides of your brain and develop greater, deeper, and more permanent connections. Art makes you think spatially and helps with developing greater math skills, yet you are killing this connection because of your selfish decisions.

Yet on the flip-side, even if I get to keep my job, the opportunities the band gets to perform and travel are decreasing because transportation funds are being cut. I swear, pretty soon the teachers are going to be expected to pick the kids up and bring them to school because we can't pay for busses! I'm fixing instruments with masking tape, paper clips, and gorilla glue because we can't afford to pay a repair shop. I purchase the music for my Drum Line not only to get the tax deduction (but what help *that* will be this year is debatable) but for the simple fact that if I didn't, we'd still be playing cadences and features from four years ago and you can't win awards with that.

What's that government? I win awards? Oh yes I do thank you very much. It may not be high score on the MAP test, but we're one of the best Drum Lines/Percussion Sections in our area, at least at the three competitions we can afford to go too, and a number of my kids are high achievers in academics, sports, and the arts. They don't get into trouble for anything other than a minor dress code/ID violation (don't even get me started on how many hours a year I waste on this issue instead of teaching), and are outstanding citizens, anyone? I'm a damn good teacher and #ShameOnYou for putting us in such a precarious situation. You wouldn't be where you are today if it wasn't for the teachers who molded and shaped you and helped you grow. We're trying to do the same thing for this generation but are being forced to give the bare bones to a nation of students who need the full meal deal and then some.

You want higher test scores? You want the U.S. education system to be a giant contender with the world again? You want to ensure the success of this nation for years beyond your, or my, life? Then stop all the #Bull$hit! and the carp you're feeding the public and do what you know is right. #FIXIT. Don't try; DO. Stop arguing with one another over who is right or wrong in the political world. There's no effing time for that anymore. How can you expect to leave this enormous problem you've created to a generation who is not "proficient" in math? How can you expect a cure for cancer when there's not enough money to provide the science classes with basic necessities? How can you expect them to be able to read at a level equal to their grade when there isn't enough money to #BUYBOOKS. And STOP telling us to get on the technology bandwagon when we don't have the funds to provide that technology for our students, and the technology they could use to access it (cellphones) are not allowed in class? It's ridiculous and incredibly disheartening. Are you enjoying your ride to hell in a hand-basket? Cause that's where you're going and unfortunately we're all along for the ride.

#ComeOn2012.

Cutting the funding to the the point where schools have to cut teachers, therefore increasing class sizes, thereby making the mandate of #DifferentiatedInstruction and one-on-one time with each student increasingly harder to accomplish, resulting in test scores that are less than desirable because this poor teacher is trying to teach 40 kids in a room built for 28 and they're so worn out because they have 7 classes of 40 kids each every.single.day with that much homework to grade each night because God forbid the kids don't get immediate feedback on their progress. Then on top of that this teacher has to *re-teach* material to the kids who aren't gettin' it for whatever reason, while still trying to keep the rest of the class on track with the curriculum and bench marks because if you don't stay with that then your summer gets sucked away by tutoring kids to pass their bench marks, *and*, if you don't stay on track with the curriculum then they aren't prepared for the next step in their math sequencing but sometimes it's really hard to stay with that curriculum because there's the MAP test scores that are so damn important to whether or not this teacher gets to keep their job that they work their self into a tizzy everyday and the end result is a burned out teacher after 2 or 3 years who is taking Zoloft daily to cope with the anxiety and stress but can't always afford the prescription because we're paid diddly. Click here for an interesting "note" on what teachers *should* be paid.

Tired yet? I'm exhausted and I'm not a "Core" teacher!

So come on Washington. #GetYourActTogether. Enough with the excuses, the fighting, the bad decisions. Suck it up and make the hard decisions because in the long run that's what you need to do to turn this around. In the meantime I'll await the news on whether or not I have my beloved job next school year, or if I have to go back to waiting tables, and I'll continue to run myself ragged each day picking up your slack while incorporating math, science, and comm arts into my rehearsals on top of the behavioral, emotional, social, and environmental lessons I am expected to instill, and the dress code I'm supposed to enforce, as well as the life I am trying to make for myself and my husband.

Where's my Zoloft...I need a nap.

Well if this isn't a transformation/evolution; I don't know what is!

2011-02-20T09:00:00.001-06:00

Stout's Spontaneous Evolution

Working it Out

Merry Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, Festivus, Boxing Day, New Year's, etc, etc, etc...did I cover them all?

I gave us the gift of health this holiday season; won't you join us?

Maintaining my balance while the year flies by

First major milestone come and gone...

It's all an illusion I tell you...all an illusion.

Carrollton Band Day, 2011

My labor of love

I'm having an excellent school year so far! Are you?

Twas convocation eve when all through the school...

2011-2012 "Drummin' for the Cure" Tshirt is ready to order

Tank tops are also available. Pricing is the same.

Oh and one more thing; I have to have at least 12 @ a time to place an order. We're taking orders now, have five on the list. Get one and help us reach our goal!

Visiting some things that make me glad I do what I do

I plugged the coffee maker back in today

The 2011-2012 "Drummin' for the Cure" shirt is ready to order!

What a difference a year makes

My weekend in the Big Apple

Re-purposing at it's finest!

The latest with my hair

I kicked cancer's a$$, now it's tme to kick debt's a$$!

Thank You

My students are the best

A whirl-wind weekend in Chicago!

For my Mom

Please read this

You wanna talk inspiration? These four are it.

**FOR SALE**

I love Facebook for the things it brings into my awareness.

The government says "It's possible to live a healthy lifestyle on $40 of groceries a week"

Yet another thing I full heartedly "Hallelujah!" with!

"Mrs. Stout, you're really pretty"; 7 more Monday's until school is out

Coming up on the first of many anniversaries...

Check it out! Follow my new blog!

Things you might not know about teachers...

A short update from *this* Shop-a-holic

Competition pieces for Districts...enjoy!

Thank you Butch @ Purgatory 2 Tattoo in Blue Springs, MO!

Confessions of *this* Shop-a-holic

Mayan Prophecies & 2012; Join me in making a change in the world however small.

I've made a decision, RE: Lent

My bestest friend in the whole wide world + Rascal Flatts?!

Goodbye my Booger Cat

Two things that came across my facebook page today,

I wear purple for my friend today

Dress Code, ID Badges, Behavioral and Emotional Support...things they don't tell you in college about being a public school teacher.

Scary times to be a teacher these days.

Well if this isn't a transformation/evolution; I don't know what is!

FOR SALE

A short update from this Shop-a-holic

Confessions of this Shop-a-holic